Bitter but optimistic

Good morning to all you cold climate dwellers . Rather warmer here in Batu Feringgi and Your ever reliable Uncle is still enjoying "la dolce vita" as the frogs say. ( thanks again Earl) A lovely dinner last night at a place that actually had a decent though previously unknown to me Aussie Shiraz . Quenched the thirst rather nicely. The evening was so pleasant in fact that I enjoyed a [censored] after dinner - a Chinese one would you believe. A note for Pickett . I would consider your ideas re "Bitter Fence" on two provisos 1. You have nothing to do with the actual business 2. Since you could hardly provide intellect , you would be expected to provide the start up capital. A note for Earl Hood. I trust you are entertaining your new business partners Earl. As I said interesting fellows. A note for dc. A lot of bluerinsers holidaying over here dc . Perhaps a break from Borewood would be beneficial? Anyway must go. The sun is over the yard arm and the splash pool awaits haha the censored was f a g as in rokok ( Bahasa Indonesia )

Do you maintain an apartment over there Ethan?

Sadly the only decent thing about Singapore these days is the jolly good floggings they deal out on a wonderfully regular basis. And of course, it is still possible to purchase a splendid rattan - if you know the right people

Ernie! Ernie you are but a wizened old ghost of your former womanizing boozing self! "A break from Uncle Bitters" ???!!! Where would you ( this thread, indeed the world of lesser mortals) be without the insights that my lurid experiences and misguided intellect provide? Join me in the trough and joyfully wallow in the slime.

As there appears to little else of interest happening in the world , I shall give a comprehensive coverage of my Asian adventures shortly. Stand by for a moment of rare edification

Uncle Bitter is currently enjoying the high life in Batu Feringgi at a 6 star resort. I received an escort to the airport in Shanghai and a strange stamp was smeared over my visa. All a bit odd but it saved a taxi fare. Earl your expense advance was inadequate so I had to book up some charges for my "special needs" . The "Triad Corporation" were very helpful and agreed that their Melbourne agents would collect direct from you. I gave them the address of your hipster pad in Fitzroy - hope that works out well for you. Had a lovely dinner last night and quaffed plenty of a half decent Chillean red. Mine host was a tough old Sheila of Chinese South African extraction . She spoke English, Bahasa Malaysia and Japanese. Her late husband was Indian and she introduced me to her rather exotic looking daughters. ( No Ernie, I didn't go the grope) Wine is quite expensive here but good old Uncle is splashing the cash and contributing generously to the local economy. Toodlepip!!!!

Now now Ernie don't be so sensitive. Merely a matter of genuine curiosity.

Did you feel her up as she squeezed past bb? l realise it's your business but I like to know these details.

Earl, Earl ! Come now, we are visionaries and entrepreneurs- let lesser mortals ( Hudson comes to mind) concern themselves with petty paperwork! It is the big picture for us It has all been fingers to the bone here and your money is being well spent However, it does not do to appear as a pauper and I am only dealing withe highest class establishments. I have been wonderfully innovative with your guava paste and amazed the locals. Another $5000 should see me through and just watch the orders roll in PS please transfer to my Swiss account Yours in trust Bitter

That is not my good self! However I shall forgive an honest mistake H as the fellow has a very impressive physique and bears a similar striking pose. I do not usually bare my bosoms in such a tawdry display however. Uncle is currently in Shanghai after a very exciting trip on the fast train. A couple of the local coolies thought they could take my seat but after I let loose with some flatulence that had been bubbling away for a day or two the beggars soon jolly well scattered Admist a storm of gagging and chocking sounds I might add - bwahaha bwahahaha - dammed funny moment. Anyway it provided a seat for both myself and my guts. Earl , I have been promoting your products in establishments that provide .... Err .. personal services It has been quite expensive so a further advance is required I am sure your investment will be returned manyfold

Good morning all Yes there were some misunderstandings at immigration but your intrepid Uncle Bitter is on the loose in Bejing. I am having some communication issues - Google is not in favour and it seems demonland is ,rightly, on the subversive sites list. I have already had to show some local coolies my quirt to get them hopping but now proper order has been restored and "Uncle" is being properly attended to. Although it took 6 of the lazy beggars to carry me up the Great Wall. I had a good look around but I couldn't find where those utes come from I wonder if Great Wall is an ancestor of picket fence? Btw Earl - a further cash advance is required! Btw Biffen I am handing out your cards to prospective employeesy Must go there are some armed soldiers heading in my direction

Good morning lesser beings. Good old uncle bitters has just ordered an overpriced and oversized breakfast at Tulla , prior to heading off on an Asian odyssey. Once again my diplomacy in dealing with poor people will be on display. Im quite generous with the natives and provided they are properly deferential I shall cast a few coins in their direction BTw As requested Earl , I shall spread a few flyers around the Forbidden City extolling the aphrodisiac qualities of Guava paste Sorry to hear Ernie has been feeling poorly, I shall try and obtain some powdered white rhino horn for him looking forward to a foot massage in Peking - they seem very exciting

PS. Just between you and me picket! There are substances available that may assist you in relieving your missus' frustrations. But be discerning, and do your due diligence, many of the penis enhancement drugs aren't what they are cracked up to be.

For possibly the first time ever picket you make some sense. As I mentioned on this thread some time ago, I was opening a marriage counselling business. Ironically the only response I had was from your Mrs. However the provisions of professional confidentiality do not allow me to comment further on her many disappointments and sexual frustrations. However, I would welcome correspondence from those in need of any type of assistance. I'm sure personal support from "Dear Uncle Bitter" would change many lives.

Among your other attributes (that I alluded to on another thread) you are also a base and cynical fellow Ethan. Where would Stu be without me?

Be honest Stu, now that you and I, are BFF's and drinking buddies my goodwill has rubbed off on you and made you a better person. Who knows, we might even attend the GAT's closing down party together!

Tell them you are "Bitter but optimistic" and see what that gets you RL

Indeed!

Err listen HT do you reckon you can focus that camera into RL's cabin? I'd like to see what shifty lawyers get up to in the privacy of their own bunks.

This will be difficult for one of your obviously limited social status to understand picket, but one of my stature does not make "application". One is headhunted.

A pair of raisins in a chaff bag?

I think you should receive a stiff penalty for that comment Ernie!

Well at least some good came out of the day.

Endured another crappy day at the footy yesterday. Actually, I usually avoid away games because of the shitty seating provided. This was added to by 'scanning issues" which resulted in an unnecessarily long period in a queue which included Hawthorn bogans. Anyway, I digress. My real reason for attending was a missive from Moonshadow saying he was meeting a 'couple of mates' and inviting me to join him. As I considered the likelihood of Moonie having any mates was extremely low my curiosity was piqued. Sure enough, Moonie produced two social misfits and introduced them as mates. They were [censored] Hawthorn supporters!! At the end of the game, and after a libation at a classy bar, the last I saw of Moonie was him arguing with a railways employee when his (apparently fraudulent) Myki failed to gain him entry to Flinders Street Station

Yes but you never expect the cameras.