Bitter but optimistic

Not really. Any bloke without third degree skin cancer on the back of the neck would be under suspicion. Thankfully though I didn't wear the little black number I originally selected from the wardrobe.

Sadly Moonie, the common herd is given to harsh judgements.

Uncle Bitter is busy for a few days and this thread goes to shite. Now I'm sure everyone is interested in my activities. So first of all I became involved with a lowlife who was trying to rip old retirees like my good self off. I finally extracted some coin from this social parasite but it was a difficult task. BTW. Said heartless thief is a "contributor" to this board. Second of all. I was invited to a function at The Braybrook Pub - a very classy venue. Guest speakers Dane Swann and Dustin Martin. I wont paint a picture of the audience but I doubt that they worked at CSIRO or wore silk. Anyway, to the speakers - one was embarrassingly inarticulate the other was an arrogant [censored]. No prizes for working that out. I drank Shiraz so was considered a dangerous pervert.

Jesus picket you need urgent medical attention.

[censored] me!! Don't bother turning on the cricket - we are getting flogged and will be 2 nil in this series.

There's one of them!! To Marsh.

We need a couple of wickets quickly.

Huh?? What on Earth do you mean Ernie?

That is possible Ethan but 47 showers in a day maybe taking cleanliness to the extreme.

Here's one I haven't heard before. Thought I'd share it with my fellow perverts. An old grandad goes into a chemist to buy some Viagra. "Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?" "I can cut them for you ' said the chemist " but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection." "I am 96 years old" said the old man . "I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t pizz on my slippers".

Not now - bad light!

FMD!! I've just seen the left arm wrist spinner bowl Burns. Ignore my above post!!

Compelling Test Cricket on Fox boys. I reckon this could be an historic win.

Risk taking with vanilla milkshakes! Contemplating riotous and licentious behaviour! You been watching Redtube again?

Bacchus goes ok Biff.

Now then adc, I'm going to insist that you present yourself to Stuie for a spanking!! Your "humour" is unwelcome on this intellectual thread as it is clearly degrading to the fair sex. I'm sure righteous posters such as ..... dc ... well perhaps not dc . Maybe Biffen ... (no he runs a brothel) ... Well anyway it will offend someone. In any event singling out ostriches in a derogatory comparison to the fair sex is also patently unfair. The Society for the Protection of Ostriches will be after you. Actually I believe our Green voter maybe offended. Sort it out with him!

arhh picket ! Like all lunatics you sometimes hit the mark! I must say I have no particular interest in Prince Albert. However, I'll admit there is much speculation about his nocturnal activities. As to Basil - my interest in him stems from his wonderful portrayal of the great detective. The films were largely inaccurate but Rathbone fit the Sherlock character better than any other. In fact I have quite a collection of Basil Rathbone memorabilia! Now here's a dark secret just for you picket. One of my many fantasies was to be a rich factory/sweathouse owner in the Victorian era. Make of that what you will!!

Well ..no. I'm figuring the hipster bosom would be a tad sweaty from bike riding or jogging the tan, so Earl's sheilas will get really excited over the manly odour of a randy alpaca who has just stomped a fox to death.

Let us hope your agility continues Earl. This little piece of arcane information may assist you in that regard. Hatchet Man - "late 19th century (originally US): figuratively, from an early use denoting a hired Chinese assassin" BTW Earl if you think any of the Hood female household needs a safe refuge during your difficult times, your ever reliable Uncle Bitter will welcome them into the bosom of Romsey Manor.

I imagine you have a number and variety of such ..... er "devices" picket!

Well what a [censored] disaster the footy was!! Your poor (now poorer) old Uncle Bitter was very confident of a win and, consequently, put a shiteload on the dees. Thankfully, I watched the disaster unfold from The Manor but at certain moments had temper issues and threw objects!! Well that caused mayhem - The Lads scattered, the dog [censored] on the floor and my missiles ( cans) damaged the walls. The squeeze is really [censored] off and it is likely that your uncle will be denied any er...... relationship pleasures for some considerable time. The only thing that would cheer me now is another's misfortune. Something along the lines of dc getting the pox or picket breaking a leg

Rather decadent for a planet saver I would have thought!

Well I'm sure you'll enjoy your own company this afternoon and your, no doubt, humble accommodation picket! However, we of the genteel class have far more refined tastes than you simple peons. Perhaps one day I shall send you photographs of the magnificent Manor. PS. Would you have attended today if Clarrie Choo Choo got a gig?

No, I have given up on Shitiad and will be viewing proceedings from Romsey Manor. Strange you should mention Moonie, as I have reliable information that he is spending the weekend at a snow resort. Apparently a Greeny slush fund was raided and Monnie and his latte sipping mates are snogging away at the apres ski. My friendship with Stu has been something of a letdown as the promised tickets to the corporate booth have not been forthcoming.

You attending dc?