Bitter but optimistic

At least spread your ill gotten wealth around and hire some honest tradies to do the job!

No sympathy from me Biff. It's all about profit for you. How about giving a bit back for once?

You'll be right OD - alcohol is a preservative.

You can enjoy that until she is around 14 OD. Then switch of for a year or two until a beautiful and mature young woman emerges to enlighten the rest of your life .

FMD. Roos has just signed on for his third year. I know speculating and guessing is what makes Demonland such a reliable sauce but .............. naming, or speculating about Roo's successor now is even pushing the Dland limits of credibility.

FMD. I didn't realise we had so many comedians on Dland. I wouldn't recommend giving up your day jobs though!!

Now don't get uppity on me Biffen. I know those girls at the Gat have titz that rest on their gut.

Now don't be jealous Jazza, just because my flaccid still swells.

I insist that my bearers are all the same height!

Another successful workout completed. After a solid minute or so on the treadmill my PT gave me a new exercise today. Barbell curling is, I believe, what she called it. Good for the "guns" evidently. My guns are off course, quite huge but perhaps a tad flaccid. She said I demonstrated good "form" with this exercise. ("Form" is important in gym parlance). She went on to say that in a few weeks she would start putting some weights on the bar! Made me quite swell with pride. Anyway, I was so encouraged that I scoffed two quiches rather than unhealthy pies on the way home.

When I'm buffed and virile and doing all night, what you blokes can only dream of all night - then we'll see. PS. I'm not sure "puppyfat" is the term I would have chosen.

Pair of cretins!!!

Another naysayer. Be careful dc or, one day, the new bbo will arrive in Borewood and you'll lose the blue rinsers forever!

Very negative and unsupportive of you Biffen. I am sure that when I become a new man I'll be be a big hit at the Gat and you'll be in my shadow. BTW. As to "visual stimulation", I was receiving quite a few meaningful glances today!!

I am guessing that both yourself and B Bub have come across similar well intentioned but misguided medicos?

No BB. At this point myself, my Doctor and the PT are still negotiating this concept of "diet". When the notion of cutting back red wine intake was mentioned I became quite agitated and we haven't really progressed.

Like yourself jazza, i am transmogrifying into a new and even better me. Had my first gym session (properly called a workout I believe) today. My Personal Trainer escorted me to a treadmill to “warm up”, as she put it. That was quite painful as the side rails rubbed rather nastily on my manly mid section. I was gasping and bawling after about 30 seconds so she decided I was warmed up enough. She also attempted to get me on a bike but that caused some very embarrassing personal issues. Now it was time to “pump iron”. I was led to a machine called the “Pec Deck” – apparently used to develop one’s pectorals. Well my pectorals hang to my waist so I didn’t think further development was required. However, I allowed myself to be guided by the professional (as I have on many previous occasions) An excruciating experience but I did my 5 “reps” (that’s gym talk) and called it a day. I understand protein intake is advised after a workout so I purchased (and consumed) 2 meat pies on the way back to the manor. I’ll have a day’s rest and be back into it on Thursday. However, I feel I have made advances already.

I'm with R & B on this OD. Pain for the filth is always enjoyable.

Yes it was a salutary reminder of what a top footy team is capable of.... and ... what a top list consists of in terms of personal. Hawthorn loses Buddy but still has three other players around the top of the goal kicking list. FMD !!!! It is the stuff wet dreams are made of.

I suppose my pessimism about seeing a successful premiership charge is somewhat leavened by my minimal chance of longevity.

I was supine on the sofa last night - more from exhaustion than alcohol and watched the Swans/Hawks game. It was a fantastic game of footy. However, and I know I've said this before, such games are depressing when you compare the depth of talent these sides have to ours. Both sides are stacked with players who can deliver the ball (by hand or foot) quickly and accurately while under extreme pressure. How many players do we have who can do this? A handful? Premiership sides have depth in this level of skill. Will I ever see a premiership?

I have a gardener to nance around in my garden. Anyway .... Just woken up – had to have a kip after my “workout”. Well it wasn’t actually a workout – but interesting. Don’t understand how people enthuse about this gym business. I arrived at the “Leisure Centre” and met with Katie, my fitness consultant. She took me into a small office where I sat on a tiny chair and parked my guts on the table. Things apparently didn’t proceed according to the normal plan. Katie tried to take my blood pressure but the machine kept conking out and reading “error”. She gave up and started taking measurements. The problem, however, was that neither her arms, nor the tape would fit around my girth. The final straw was that I wound their scales off the meter. Katie then spoke to another fellow who made a smartarse comment about a weighbridge. Katie then said she’d consult with my doctor before going any further but offered to show me around the gymnasium before I left. In an odd way I immediately felt at home. Here were all these people in tight costumes with red faces, grunting and groaning. They were surrounded by or using a range of very odd machines and implements. Apart from the lighting, it was very much like the BDSM clubs that Biffen had arranged entre for me on occasion. I asked Katie where the whips and canes were kept but she didn’t answer and left without saying goodbye . I am guessing that information is reserved for members. All in all an interesting morning but if they expect me to start lifting those treadmill things , I wont be going back.

At my Doctor's insistence (she who wants me to give up the booze), I am about to head to the gymnasium (with a letter from said doctor) for an assessment and development of a "fitness" program. I shall keep you informed - if I survive. In any event it seems a good excuse to buy some new gear. I look rather fetching in latex - if I do say so myself. Anyway toodle pip!

That is the question that occupies its own thread. I'm not buying in at this stage, it's just too speculative. TBH, I'm not even sure who I'd want!

I reckon we have learnt that lesson OD without having to wallow in the pathetic bastard's misery.