Bitter but optimistic

Do you maintain an apartment over there Ethan?

Sadly the only decent thing about Singapore these days is the jolly good floggings they deal out on a wonderfully regular basis. And of course, it is still possible to purchase a splendid rattan - if you know the right people

Ernie! Ernie you are but a wizened old ghost of your former womanizing boozing self! "A break from Uncle Bitters" ???!!! Where would you ( this thread, indeed the world of lesser mortals) be without the insights that my lurid experiences and misguided intellect provide? Join me in the trough and joyfully wallow in the slime.

As there appears to little else of interest happening in the world , I shall give a comprehensive coverage of my Asian adventures shortly. Stand by for a moment of rare edification

Your poor old Uncle Bitter may have to accept some responsibility in this matter. The old flatulence problem flared up with the local food. The laundryman used long wooden tongs to handle Uncle's underwear. Quite embarrassing

Uncle Bitter is currently enjoying the high life in Batu Feringgi at a 6 star resort. I received an escort to the airport in Shanghai and a strange stamp was smeared over my visa. All a bit odd but it saved a taxi fare. Earl your expense advance was inadequate so I had to book up some charges for my "special needs" . The "Triad Corporation" were very helpful and agreed that their Melbourne agents would collect direct from you. I gave them the address of your hipster pad in Fitzroy - hope that works out well for you. Had a lovely dinner last night and quaffed plenty of a half decent Chillean red. Mine host was a tough old Sheila of Chinese South African extraction . She spoke English, Bahasa Malaysia and Japanese. Her late husband was Indian and she introduced me to her rather exotic looking daughters. ( No Ernie, I didn't go the grope) Wine is quite expensive here but good old Uncle is splashing the cash and contributing generously to the local economy. Toodlepip!!!!

Now now Ernie don't be so sensitive. Merely a matter of genuine curiosity.

Did you feel her up as she squeezed past bb? l realise it's your business but I like to know these details.

Well I suppose If slagging each other was stopped you'd get rid of all the scumbags like Biffen , RTG, Moonie and his mate Stuie, that strange Ethan [censored] from WA and gaggle of others No loss any of the [censored]!

Quite possibly the silliest post ..........,, ever!!!!!

Think that place is Gawn Moonie and there are some additions to the skyline! went the French quarter last and had a gut full of Chianti. The perfect loud and boorish Aussie

No no Earl!!!! You misunderstand me! Uncle was the beneficiary of a modest bequest from the late and lamented Aunt Bertha. As if I'd be reckless with your hard earned Earl Just transfer that additional $5000 and you'll soon be racking it in Trust me!!

AFL does not feature greatly here in Shanghai - hard to credit I know! I shall be expecting good news when I return to Dland later today Im positive though - this could be the big one! Go Dees!!!

Sorry Rev have moved on to Shanghai and living the high life on someone else's money LG

Earl, Earl ! Come now, we are visionaries and entrepreneurs- let lesser mortals ( Hudson comes to mind) concern themselves with petty paperwork! It is the big picture for us It has all been fingers to the bone here and your money is being well spent However, it does not do to appear as a pauper and I am only dealing withe highest class establishments. I have been wonderfully innovative with your guava paste and amazed the locals. Another $5000 should see me through and just watch the orders roll in PS please transfer to my Swiss account Yours in trust Bitter

That is not my good self! However I shall forgive an honest mistake H as the fellow has a very impressive physique and bears a similar striking pose. I do not usually bare my bosoms in such a tawdry display however. Uncle is currently in Shanghai after a very exciting trip on the fast train. A couple of the local coolies thought they could take my seat but after I let loose with some flatulence that had been bubbling away for a day or two the beggars soon jolly well scattered Admist a storm of gagging and chocking sounds I might add - bwahaha bwahahaha - dammed funny moment. Anyway it provided a seat for both myself and my guts. Earl , I have been promoting your products in establishments that provide .... Err .. personal services It has been quite expensive so a further advance is required I am sure your investment will be returned manyfold

I am reporting in from Bejing I'm having considerable internet difficulties so [censored] knows when I'll get the scores. i am confident of a comfortable win though - Go Dees!!!!!!!

Good morning all Yes there were some misunderstandings at immigration but your intrepid Uncle Bitter is on the loose in Bejing. I am having some communication issues - Google is not in favour and it seems demonland is ,rightly, on the subversive sites list. I have already had to show some local coolies my quirt to get them hopping but now proper order has been restored and "Uncle" is being properly attended to. Although it took 6 of the lazy beggars to carry me up the Great Wall. I had a good look around but I couldn't find where those utes come from I wonder if Great Wall is an ancestor of picket fence? Btw Earl - a further cash advance is required! Btw Biffen I am handing out your cards to prospective employeesy Must go there are some armed soldiers heading in my direction

Good morning lesser beings. Good old uncle bitters has just ordered an overpriced and oversized breakfast at Tulla , prior to heading off on an Asian odyssey. Once again my diplomacy in dealing with poor people will be on display. Im quite generous with the natives and provided they are properly deferential I shall cast a few coins in their direction BTw As requested Earl , I shall spread a few flyers around the Forbidden City extolling the aphrodisiac qualities of Guava paste Sorry to hear Ernie has been feeling poorly, I shall try and obtain some powdered white rhino horn for him looking forward to a foot massage in Peking - they seem very exciting

PS. Just between you and me picket! There are substances available that may assist you in relieving your missus' frustrations. But be discerning, and do your due diligence, many of the penis enhancement drugs aren't what they are cracked up to be.

For possibly the first time ever picket you make some sense. As I mentioned on this thread some time ago, I was opening a marriage counselling business. Ironically the only response I had was from your Mrs. However the provisions of professional confidentiality do not allow me to comment further on her many disappointments and sexual frustrations. However, I would welcome correspondence from those in need of any type of assistance. I'm sure personal support from "Dear Uncle Bitter" would change many lives.

Among your other attributes (that I alluded to on another thread) you are also a base and cynical fellow Ethan. Where would Stu be without me?

Just read this thread. FMD twice over!!! Give the guy a [censored] break. [censored] me we eat our own on Demonland.

I agree P !! Would love to see Grimes back. Maybe not this week though because of the need to cover the filth's two talls.

Be honest Stu, now that you and I, are BFF's and drinking buddies my goodwill has rubbed off on you and made you a better person. Who knows, we might even attend the GAT's closing down party together!