Bitter but optimistic

Two more albatrosses around my neck - FMD, as if I don't have enough problems in my life!!!

Crikey where is everyone??????

As you know dc, I would help you out - were it possible. However, due to the abovementioned "reversals" any sort of requests (from conjugal downward) are .... off the table as it were.

As a kid I used to watch Mr. Ed just to perv on Wilbur's missus. BTW. I'm sure you will all be saddened to hear that I have suffered a number of financial reversals since returning from OS and currently find myself a little short of the aarrh "reddies". So if any rich lawyers or such would care to help out please send your donations to Uncle Bitter C/- "The Manor" Romsey. A case of Pinot from anyone in a position to provide that would also be most welcome. BTW 2. I was watching the lovely Jane Bunns last night and she pointed out that it last snowed in Borewood in 1951! Apparently there is a likelihood of a repeat performance in the coming week. If that is the case dc will need a couple of grey rinsers to keep the blood flowing. I also have unconfirmed reports that Biffen may currently be snowed in at his establishment that is not a million miles from Ballarat! His hydroponic horticultural pursuits are also taking a beating from the cold spell.

Just keep reading my parcels of wit and brilliance Ernie and you'll be right in no time.

Dry waterways where you usually fish dc?

What a fair weather friend you turned out to be picket!!! I agreed to enter into "Bitter Fence" with you but the moment I made a modest request for start up capital you bail out and decide to go it alone! Well [censored] you!!!!

Sorry Biff I think I sent you 3 times cut guava paste - sue Earl Hood _ if he survives. RE Dermie. I've long held the view that Dermie is a complete dick head on all matters but footy. A bit like Warnie on all but cricket. But it is really interesting how his delivery (speech not leggies) has been trained over the years. You'll note he has been taught to pause and enunciate slowly to feign a considered opinion. Of course he can pause as long as he likes - you cannot produce strawberry jam out of pig shite!

The good thing for me OD, is that I can look forward to a game of footy at the moment without being certain of a 100 point flogging. The bad thing is squandering a couple of chances we should have taken. The Essendrug game is still drives me to drink. So, despite the improvement, I'm still disappointed because we should still be in the finals hunt.

Sadly I am enjoying my last night in the warm bosom of Malaysia and must fly home in the am. There is a crisis at the Manor - apparently the heating has broken down in The lads' accommodation and they are quite distressed. Are well all free things come to an end. Im enjoying a Shiraz from "Cranswick" - a quaffer but as good as you'll get in Asia. Anyone know it - I've never heard of it. i love Malaysia and my Bahasa Indonesia is working far better in Penang than KL. However my first visit to Shanghai will live long in my sodden memory - what a place!! The forest of high rise apartments was was breathtaking. Three stories 1. I was out in the burbs looking for a particular market when I chanced upon a debaters corner!! There was a crowd of 2 or 3 hundred divided into about a dozen discussion groups. Each group had 2 clear protagonists and the crowd was showing either support or not for the strength of their arguments I didn't understand a word but the intent was clear. I didn't realize such a forum existed although I doubt the issues were anti government. 2. Another market street in the old town. This fellow had a shop front into which a limited number of people were admitted and they appeared to be bidding on something or other.The fellow was good and had the crowd in a frenzy. Anyway this woman about 40 ran and approached her husband and held her hand out for money He clearly refused so she gave him two smart whacks to the head. He bravely refused again so she unleashed a tirade of abuse and a flurry of blows. He took it stoically I must say. She then pulled his pocket open and took his money. After looking at it she gave him two more and marched back to the auction. During this a child in a pusher was going hysterical. It rather questions the myth of compliant Asian women!!! 3. Walking along a very busy Bund when a little boy about 3 was caught short! His mum was trying to get him to pee in a plastic bottle! The little bloke was having none of it. Funny viewing Toodle pip folks See you in Oz!!

"Intellectually endowed" Bwahaha Bwahaha !!!!!!!!! " friendship group" Bwahaha !!!!!!! Bwahaha !!!!!!!! Bwahaha !!!!!!!!!

Good morning to all you cold climate dwellers . Rather warmer here in Batu Feringgi and Your ever reliable Uncle is still enjoying "la dolce vita" as the frogs say. ( thanks again Earl) A lovely dinner last night at a place that actually had a decent though previously unknown to me Aussie Shiraz . Quenched the thirst rather nicely. The evening was so pleasant in fact that I enjoyed a [censored] after dinner - a Chinese one would you believe. A note for Pickett . I would consider your ideas re "Bitter Fence" on two provisos 1. You have nothing to do with the actual business 2. Since you could hardly provide intellect , you would be expected to provide the start up capital. A note for Earl Hood. I trust you are entertaining your new business partners Earl. As I said interesting fellows. A note for dc. A lot of bluerinsers holidaying over here dc . Perhaps a break from Borewood would be beneficial? Anyway must go. The sun is over the yard arm and the splash pool awaits haha the censored was f a g as in rokok ( Bahasa Indonesia )

Do you maintain an apartment over there Ethan?

Sadly the only decent thing about Singapore these days is the jolly good floggings they deal out on a wonderfully regular basis. And of course, it is still possible to purchase a splendid rattan - if you know the right people

Ernie! Ernie you are but a wizened old ghost of your former womanizing boozing self! "A break from Uncle Bitters" ???!!! Where would you ( this thread, indeed the world of lesser mortals) be without the insights that my lurid experiences and misguided intellect provide? Join me in the trough and joyfully wallow in the slime.

As there appears to little else of interest happening in the world , I shall give a comprehensive coverage of my Asian adventures shortly. Stand by for a moment of rare edification

Uncle Bitter is currently enjoying the high life in Batu Feringgi at a 6 star resort. I received an escort to the airport in Shanghai and a strange stamp was smeared over my visa. All a bit odd but it saved a taxi fare. Earl your expense advance was inadequate so I had to book up some charges for my "special needs" . The "Triad Corporation" were very helpful and agreed that their Melbourne agents would collect direct from you. I gave them the address of your hipster pad in Fitzroy - hope that works out well for you. Had a lovely dinner last night and quaffed plenty of a half decent Chillean red. Mine host was a tough old Sheila of Chinese South African extraction . She spoke English, Bahasa Malaysia and Japanese. Her late husband was Indian and she introduced me to her rather exotic looking daughters. ( No Ernie, I didn't go the grope) Wine is quite expensive here but good old Uncle is splashing the cash and contributing generously to the local economy. Toodlepip!!!!

Now now Ernie don't be so sensitive. Merely a matter of genuine curiosity.

Did you feel her up as she squeezed past bb? l realise it's your business but I like to know these details.

Earl, Earl ! Come now, we are visionaries and entrepreneurs- let lesser mortals ( Hudson comes to mind) concern themselves with petty paperwork! It is the big picture for us It has all been fingers to the bone here and your money is being well spent However, it does not do to appear as a pauper and I am only dealing withe highest class establishments. I have been wonderfully innovative with your guava paste and amazed the locals. Another $5000 should see me through and just watch the orders roll in PS please transfer to my Swiss account Yours in trust Bitter

That is not my good self! However I shall forgive an honest mistake H as the fellow has a very impressive physique and bears a similar striking pose. I do not usually bare my bosoms in such a tawdry display however. Uncle is currently in Shanghai after a very exciting trip on the fast train. A couple of the local coolies thought they could take my seat but after I let loose with some flatulence that had been bubbling away for a day or two the beggars soon jolly well scattered Admist a storm of gagging and chocking sounds I might add - bwahaha bwahahaha - dammed funny moment. Anyway it provided a seat for both myself and my guts. Earl , I have been promoting your products in establishments that provide .... Err .. personal services It has been quite expensive so a further advance is required I am sure your investment will be returned manyfold

Good morning all Yes there were some misunderstandings at immigration but your intrepid Uncle Bitter is on the loose in Bejing. I am having some communication issues - Google is not in favour and it seems demonland is ,rightly, on the subversive sites list. I have already had to show some local coolies my quirt to get them hopping but now proper order has been restored and "Uncle" is being properly attended to. Although it took 6 of the lazy beggars to carry me up the Great Wall. I had a good look around but I couldn't find where those utes come from I wonder if Great Wall is an ancestor of picket fence? Btw Earl - a further cash advance is required! Btw Biffen I am handing out your cards to prospective employeesy Must go there are some armed soldiers heading in my direction

Good morning lesser beings. Good old uncle bitters has just ordered an overpriced and oversized breakfast at Tulla , prior to heading off on an Asian odyssey. Once again my diplomacy in dealing with poor people will be on display. Im quite generous with the natives and provided they are properly deferential I shall cast a few coins in their direction BTw As requested Earl , I shall spread a few flyers around the Forbidden City extolling the aphrodisiac qualities of Guava paste Sorry to hear Ernie has been feeling poorly, I shall try and obtain some powdered white rhino horn for him looking forward to a foot massage in Peking - they seem very exciting

PS. Just between you and me picket! There are substances available that may assist you in relieving your missus' frustrations. But be discerning, and do your due diligence, many of the penis enhancement drugs aren't what they are cracked up to be.

For possibly the first time ever picket you make some sense. As I mentioned on this thread some time ago, I was opening a marriage counselling business. Ironically the only response I had was from your Mrs. However the provisions of professional confidentiality do not allow me to comment further on her many disappointments and sexual frustrations. However, I would welcome correspondence from those in need of any type of assistance. I'm sure personal support from "Dear Uncle Bitter" would change many lives.