Demonland

In light of the drama of the past week, Demonland hired a private eye to sort out what was really happening at the Melbourne Football Club as we enter the 2025 Trade Period. This is the first report filed in the past hour … Off Track When the 1:30 pm Virgin Airlines flight from Tullamarine touched down at Coolangatta Airport on Saturday afternoon, I thought the Gold Coast would already be caught up in a frenzy over Brand Petracca, but, boy, was I wrong! It was NRL Grand Final Weekend in the Sunshine State, and the locals were totally obsessed with the Brisbane Broncos taking down the Melbourne Storm. Nothing else mattered. I searched all the nightclubs and fancy restaurants, but there was no sign of Christian Petracca anywhere. Acting on a tip-off, I took an Uber to a luxurious penthouse apartment in Surfers Paradise, only to discover that I had arrived late. It turned out that the digs belonged to some big cheese who sponsors the St Kilda Football Club, and three days prior, he and the club's president had taken Suns player Sam Flanders out for dinner and signed him up on a contract to the Saints for a small fortune to turn up for them in 2026 and beyond. The concierge downstairs muttered something about a conga line of AFL players coming in and out of that apartment for the last three months. Like me, the Demons were also late to the party, but let's be real – Melbourne was never in the running for Flanders. I scoured the apartment from top to bottom, but Tracc was nowhere to be found, nor was his entourage of lawyers, accountants, website designers and food tasters. The next morning, I turned up at the Farmers Market at HOTA by the Nerang River, hoping to find some food stall selling Nonna's legendary bolognese sauce, but once again I struck out big time. I was starting to hit rock bottom with a big fat zero to show for my sleuthing. I was about to throw in the towel. Tomorrow marked the start of the AFL's Trade Period, and I had nothing to help me unravel the fate of the Melbourne Football Club or explain why the new coach was giving his players their marching orders, one by one. There had already been action in the form of free agency movement, but that had been mainly for the benefit of the Saints, because, of course, they need a miracle. I was getting desperate and found myself in a bar, making buddies with a Coconut Mojito while watching the rugby league final. I was desperate, and after all, what's a little desperation without a good drink? A brunette sidled into the seat next to mine. “Mind if I crash the party?” and before I could respond, she ordered a schooner of XXXX and guzzled it down in a single gulp. Not long after, I face-planted. I had fallen for the oldest trick in the book. She had slipped me a Mickey. When I came to, I had a headache to rival the worst hangover, and the room was swaying from side to side like a bad dance move. Except it wasn’t a room, it was a boat, and I was somewhere out at sea, feeling a bit like a drunken sailor. She was pointing a Beretta at my head, and I was pretty sure she wasn't there to give me a pep talk. She was there to give me a friendly reminder that in Queensland, tomorrow was Kings Birthday (I checked it up - it’s true) and, just as in the southern states, every such day of royal celebration means Melbourne and Collingwood go head-to-head in some form of football battle. Tomorrow, those clubs would be making their final pitch for the services of Gold Coast midfielder Bailey Humphrey as part of a major move in the AFL Trade Period and I was to be the key component in the Petracca exchange. To be continued …

What a perfect night for footy. Fourteen degrees, a gentle breeze, a vibing crowd, Awifties humming the new album, a pristine pitch — and pink socks. This was a night for purpose, pride, and a little payback. The Dees donned pink socks to raise awareness and funds for breast cancer, brought the fight — and added some flair. The DeeArmy roared, and the team responded. The match Bang. Bang. Melbourne exploded out of the blocks. Within three minutes, tall targets Tayla Harris and Georgia Gall had goaled. Zanker missed, but then Tay got her second and the scoreboard read 3–zip. The Bombers? Still checking flight plans. From there, it got scrappy. Essendon did their best to clog the lanes and disrupt the Dees’ ball movement. But Melbourne had the game stitched up early in the third when Megan Fitzsimon slotted a classy goal on the run to lead by 24 points. It was a physical contest, and our leaders stood tall. While Max Gawn and Tom McDonald looked on from the stands, the team put on a masterclass in @demonspirit and selfless play, keeping the Bombers goalless in the middle quarters. The pressure was relentless — 86 tackles, 24 inside 50. Essendon managed 70, with just five inside 50s. That’s a chokehold. Wow! Maeve Chaplin was majestic. Defensive Demon, intercept queen, metres gained majestrix. She didn’t just read the play — she rewrote it. Her stat line: • 24 disposals (with 83.3% disposal efficiency) • 9 rebound 50s • 611 metres gained • 14 intercept possessions • 3 intercept marks BOG. No debate. Tayla Harris was a wrecking-ball. Brutal, brilliant everywhere. • 17 disposals • 7 hit outs • 5 tackles • 2 goals • Late-game defensive heroics For the Bombers, 75th game milestoner Maddie Prespakis led the way with 29 disposals. The other Maddi — Gay — was a welcome return, distributing from defence with 421 metres gained. Georgia Nanscawen (12 tackles, 4 clearances) was busy, while co-captains Bonnie Toogood and Steph Cain stood up. Essendon kicked a couple late to trim the final margin to 14 points. But the damage had been done early. Not a classic, but a win that matters in a 12-match season. Match ‘ouch’ moment Fitzy, fresh off her career-best game last week, was again electric — pressure acts, midfield magic, and a goal. Fitzy’s night ended with a bang — but not the good kind. In the final 10 seconds, young Maggie Mahony flushed a drop punt in traffic — straight into Fitzy’s face. Accidental, but brutal. Ouch. Sinead Goldrick was ill at half-time and sat out the last quarter. Meanwhile, Shelley Heath dislocated a finger and sucked on the green whistle while the medicos worked their magic. Here’s hoping the crew is patched up and ready for the final season stretch. Meggs’ musings The leadership group (on the park) — Kate Hore, Tyla Hanks, Paxy Paxman, Eliza McNamara, Maeve Chaplin — are delivering week-in, week-out. Superstars, every one of them. Fitzy and Tayla too have been sensationally awesome this season. Melbourne now sits at 7–1 with a healthy percentage. We are competing with the Hawks in the battle for 2nd place with home final advantages. North Melbourne now has a record 20 wins on the trot. Unstoppable? We’ll see. Our run home: • Fremantle (away) • Swans, Cats, Lions Win three of those and we’re top four. That’s the mission. Top four gets us a shot. The flag? Absolutely in play, but the Roos remain a daunting prospect. Coaches and Next Week Mick Stinear praised the fast start and credited Essendon’s pressure for the scrappy middle. He highlighted Tayla and Chappy as standouts and didn’t see much wrong with the Harris–Gaylor collision. Natalie Wood was disappointed with the start but proud of her team’s fight across the final three quarters. Next week: Fremantle at Fremantle Oval, Sunday 5:05pm. A shout out to Demon fans in Perth to get along if you can and support our incredible team. Go Dees.PS: the Storm take on the Broncos this Sunday night. It’s the Storm’s 12th grand final appearance since joining the NRL in 1998. What a powerhouse. Good luck Melbourne! MELBOURNE 3.1.19 4.2.26 5.3.33 5.6.36 ESSENDON 1.0.6 1.1.7 1.3.9 3.4.22 GOALS MELBOURNE Harris 2, Fitzsimon, Gall, Wotherspoon ESSENDON Brooker, Gee, Ridewood BEST MELBOURNE Chaplin, Hore, McNamara, Fitzsimon, Harris ESSENDON Prespakis, Gay, Nanscawen, Clarke INJURIES MELBOURNE Shelley Heath (dislocated finger) ESSENDON Nil CROWD 2,681 at Ikon Park

Looks better in a Dees guernsey

Since we're shopping at the Gold Coast store ....

This thread is brought to you by On Trac Inc

It is locked. This is not my first rodeo. 😜

This thread has now been closed and separate threads have been created. Christian Petracca: https://demonland.com/forums/topic/65185-the-christian-petracca-thread/ Clayton Oliver: https://demonland.com/forums/topic/65184-the-clayton-oliver-thread/

We've decided to split the Christian Petracca & Clayton Oliver Trade Thread. For posterity you can read that now closed thread here: https://demonland.com/forums/topic/61260-christian-petracca-and-clayton-oliver-in-2026/ Premiership Norm Smith Medalist Christian Petracca has nominated the Gold Coast as his club of choice to be traded to.

We've decided to split the Clayton Oliver and Christian Petracca Trade Thread. For posterity you can read that now closed thread here: https://demonland.com/forums/topic/61260-christian-petracca-and-clayton-oliver-in-2026/ Melbourne have held talks with Clayton Oliver and they’ve laid out where he fits in under Steve King’s vision and been frank about expectations. Oliver is still under contract for five years, but the door is open if he wants to explore his options elsewhere.