NINETEENTH NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

[Demonland 70,217]

by Bananabender

The last time I saw a Melbourne team play, it was a pre season game in the summer when a half baked team played a half of football against Richmond and then capitulated to lose by about five or six goals.

This didn't fuss me at the time because it was just a Mickey Mouse practice match, many of the club's better players were missing, the team had a new coach in Dean Bailey, players were recovering from last year's injury woes, they were learning a new game plan and there were plenty of frothies to be drunk back at what was probably the cheapest motel in Cairns ... blah, blah blah …

Anyway, for whatever reason, I wasn't all that worried way back then.

I must say however, that what I saw of Melbourne today at the Gabba didn't particularly worry me either - it just caused me to suffer a total nervous breakdown.

The first half was simply disgraceful; the performance of team celebrating its 150th anniversary this year but one that would have the old time greats of the Melbourne Football Club turning in their graves. No skills, no pace, no strength, no tacking, no pressure, no heart and no soul. It was all so insipid, insidious and hopeless and believe me, I'm trying my hardest to be positive.

There was no sign that this team has learned anything from its new coach – or possibly ever will because there was absolutely no sense in playing the game the way Melbourne played it today. You simply can't chip the ball in circles around the backline without having some plan of attack somewhere down the line. As it was, on the odd occasion that there was no turnover and the ball moved forward it was easy for the Lions to mop up because it was so easy to see the ball coming.

In many ways, it is unfortunate for the club that Bailey wasn't coaching this team in Round 22 last year because, had he done so, the supporters would at least have had the first two draft selections to salivate over instead of possibly only the first.

Bailey told the media after the game that Melbourne's problems were obvious and they would need to be rectified at training, that he held the team back in the rooms after the game to focus on how they needed to not only decrease its turnovers, but speed up its movement of the ball. I'm surprised that after five practice matches, a week's break before the start of the season and six games for premiership points, that this fact has now suddenly become so obvious.

There was little to be enthused over for the day although it would be remiss of me not to mention the titanic efforts of Nathan Jones and Austin Wonaeamirri around the goals, Cameron Bruce and Brad Green (why is he not in the leadership group?) and defenders like Jared Rivers, James Frawley, Nathan Carroll and Daniel Bell who might have made their fair share of mistakes under pressure but that's what you get when the ball is pumped into their area with constant regularity. A few others tried hard and that's it but you can’t expect much when the team has no structure, is well beaten in the midfield and is bereft of any key position forwards. That's an indictment on every part of its football operations in the past and in the present.

The second half was a little better and the warm conditions probably helped the club win another final quarter because the Lions' players were stuffed after the hard efforts they put in during the first three quarters.

The first six rounds have now gone by and the club remains winless and with little hope on the horizon if today is anything to go by. The writing was on the wall as far as today's debacle was concerned when the selectors named a team that contained only the two compulsory changes after an embarrassing loss last week to Carlton so now is the time for the club to prove its worth. We were promised that after this round everything would be up for review. For a club that looked ordinary during the pre-season and has become totally dysfunctional since the premiership season began, it is a must that this promise is kept.

For me and my mates up here in the Sunshine State who wait with expectation to see our team live once a year, this has been one of the worst days we could possibly experience. It's now several hours after the game and we can't even muster up the will to open up our plentiful supply of XXXX on this day of the nervous breakdown – that's how much it hurts.

I wonder if the coach and the players are all suffering much as we are.

Brisbane 3.6.24 10.13.73 15.17.107 19.23.137

Melbourne 2.1.13 5.2.32 8.3.51 13.7.85

Goals

Brisbane Bradshaw 6 Hooper 4 Corrie 3 Brown Johnstone 2 Adcock Rischitelli

Melbourne Jones 4 Wonaeamirri 3 Miller Sylvia 2 Green Robertson

Best

Brisbane Black Power Corrie Macdonald Brennan Hooper

Melbourne Jones Wonaeamirri Green Bruce Moloney Rivers

Injuries

Brisbane nil

Melbourne Sylvia (shoulder)

Changes

Brisbane nil

Melbourne Garland by Warnock in the selected side

Reports nil

Umpires Nicholls Head Armstrong

Official Crowd 22,878 at Gabba