THE PREVIEW FROM HELL

by J. V. McKay

Barring a drawn grand final, an AFL season consists of 185 games. If you ask the average punter to nominate which of these fixtures would garner the least possible interest from football fans this year, the answer would almost certainly be tomorrow night's clash of the 16th v 15th - Richmond against Melbourne. This contest is already shaping up as one where the care factor among the football public is virtually non-existent. Things are that bad that the AFL is seriously considering locking the gates at the start of the game to keep the crowd inside. In order to maintain interest, the MCG management is organising a competition for the best dressed streaker and Connex has reduced the number of trains to and from Richmond station in order that it should adequately cater for the expected attendance. The prospect of this game between the AFL's cellar dwellers has generated such a lack of excitement that while writing the first paragraph of this review I nodded off to sleep twice.

Let's face it, I'm writing the preview from hell. There is very little to say for both teams on their performances so far this year and while my introduction might sound a bit cruel, what is there about this game that could possibly induce any sane, rational, human being to come out of doors in freezing temperatures to risk the possibility of contracting something like pneumonia?

I once said that the day I go to watch the two lowest ranked football teams in the land play against each other will be the day that hell freezes over. Well, judging by the weather report, there's a fair chance of that happening tomorrow night!

So what on earth is there to attract someone to a contest where the teams out in the middle have collectively won two and a half games out of 22?

I thought long and hard about that question scratching around desperately for an answer. One possibility is that there might be some interest in which team would collect the first draft pick at the end of the year. However, recruiting gurus tell me that there are no stand out players this year like Bryce Gibbs. They say that any one of five players might go number one in the November player lottery so there's not that much advantage in finishing last. Which leaves us with precious little. A finals place is out of the question and there’s not much likelihood of individual honours like Brownlow or a Coleman Medal for the members of either club. All I can say then is that there's little more than pride at stake tomorrow night.

The two combatants began the season with high hopes. Melbourne was hopeful of finishing top four after three consecutive seasons in the 5 to 8 range. Similarly, and despite Terry Wallace's denials to the contrary and some mumbling about 2011 being the Tigers' year, Richmond was hoping to go at least one better than its 9th placing of 2006. For various reasons, mainly injury but also a lack of talent on the field, the hopes of both sides were shattered early in the piece and it's only been in the last couple of rounds that either side has collected any premiership points at all.

Tomorrow night one of the sides will reap a bonanza – four premiership points, some bragging rights and a weekend in which the coach, players and supporters can hold their heads high and say, "we won!"

That beats losing and even if it's the most exciting thing they can say about Friday night at the G, it's the reason that I'll be there (albeit in my thermals).

THE GAME

Richmond v. Melbourne at the MCG – 22 June 2007 at 7.40pm

HEAD TO HEAD

Overall: Richmond 95 wins Melbourne 75 wins 2 draws

At the G: Richmond 62 wins Melbourne 55 wins 1 draw

Since 2000: Richmond 6 wins Melbourne 5 wins

MEDIA

TV Channel 7 at 8.30pm (delayed telecast)

RADIO 3AW MMM 774ABC SEN K-Rock

THE BETTING

Richmond to win $2.50 Melbourne to win $1.50

LAST TIME THEY MET Melbourne 9.16.70 d Richmond 7.10.52, Round 15, 2006, at MCG.

The game was an absolute stinker and but for Russell Robertson's superlative marking performance including a hanger or two, many of the spectators would have fallen asleep. The game was characterised by its errors, Richmond's negative style and Melbourne's inaccuracy in front of goal. James McDonald and Matthew Whelan worked hard for the Demon victory but the game was as forgettable as they come.

THE TEAMS

RICHMOND

Backs Jake King Will Thursfield Joel Bowden

Half backs Andrew Raines Graham Polak Chris Newman

Centreline Dean Polo Shane Tuck Richard Tambling

Half forwards Kayne Pettifer Matthew Richardson Chris Hyde

Forwards Nathan Brown Cleve Hughes Brett Deledio

Followers Adam Pattison Kane Johnson Nathan Foley

Interchange Shane Edwards Cam Howat Daniel Jackson Matthew White

Emergencies Greg Tivendale Andrew Krakouer Jack Riewoldt

In Nathan Brown

Out Kent Kingsley (omitted)

MELBOURNE

Backs Daniel Ward Nathan Carroll Ben Holland

Half backs Paul Wheatley Clint Bizzell Daniel Bell

Centreline Cameron Bruce James McDonald Simon Godfrey

Half forwards Brad Green Russell Robertson Aaron Davey

Forwards Colin Sylvia David Neitz Matthew Bate

Followers Jeff White Brock McLean Nathan Jones

Interchange James Frawley Paul Johnson Ricky Petterd Byron Pickett

Emergencies Nathan Brown Michael Newton Adem Yze

In Byron Pickett

Out Travis Johnstone (Achilles soreness)

THE BATTLE OF THE SURVIVORS

It has been well documented that both of these teams have had their share of injury woes this season. The Tigers main ruckmen in Troy Simmonds and Trent Knobel have been sidelined for a while and Ray Hall is both injured and suspended by the club. Their best midfielder Mark Coghlan is out for the season with a knee injury and Patrick Bowden is another regular out of the side. We know Melbourne's injury story from back to front and it got worse after the Collingwood game with Travis Johnstone out and David Neitz unlikely to lead the team after surgery last week. That comes on top of the news that Clint Bartram, Brent Moloney and Jared Rivers may all be long term injury list prospects. These add to the hellishness of the exercise of previewing a game when you must to decide which team will prevail with what they have left standing. It's not easy sifting through the names of the players who have escaped from their respective clubs' infirmaries.

On the credit side, each of the teams is welcoming back a big name.

Richmond's Nathan Brown has been missing as a result of complications from that terrible leg injury he incurred a couple of years ago against the Demons on a midwinter Friday night at the Telstra Dome. He has had very little football in his recovery but has shown recently at VFL level that he hasn't lost his talent for kicking goals and he will be a danger man on the Tiger forward line.

Melbourne's Byron Pickett has served his penance for that hangover that prevented him from taking his place as an emergency against the Bulldogs about five weeks ago and he is back in the side allegedly at his slimmest ever. However, I saw footage of him at training and to my untrained eye he looked more like the "before" part than the "after" in a Jenny Craig advertisement. The club reckons he’s been going like a steam train in the VFL but I think the train’s called "Puffing Billy".

Despite their lowly positions, both sides have shown impressive form in their last two matches with Melbourne winning both and Richmond sharing the points with Brisbane and then heading the Dockers for three quarters at Subiaco before succumbing to some Pavlich magic at the end.

The one thing that the Tigers really lacked over the four quarters was a quality ruckman. Melbourne has Jeff White and the emerging Paul Johnson while Richmond is banking on makeshift key forwards who are more pinch hitters in this division. That is normally a major disadvantage to a team and, to my mind, it's what tips the balance in favour of the Demons.

A lot will depend on the form of Tiger forward Matthew Richardson. If he can reproduce his best then Richmond is a definite chance to pick up its first win of the season. Melbourne has Ben Holland fresh from working over Anthony Rocca and if Benny doesn't work, there's always Nathan Carroll.

There has been much public discussion of late as to who will be Melbourne’s next on field leader and the name "Brock McLean" has been mentioned in a few despatches. After missing most of the first half of the season Brocky's back to his near best and he's sworn off smashing up plastic chairs forever. Along with fellow young on baller Nathan Jones, he adds hardness to the Demon midfield and that is where I think the Demons will gain the impetus to continue their winning streak and make it three in a row.

Melbourne by 12 points in a game that will make the hapless Tigers feel as if they are moving deeper into their own private little hell.