THE TRADING CHRONICLES 2006: DAY ONE

HUMDRUM HEADLINES by the Oracle

Mondays at the office are usually dull. I normally have the time to catch up with what's happening in the outside world via any one of a number of means of communication available to me.

Unfortunately, yesterday was not one of those days. A crisis arose at work that required all hands on deck for most of the morning and well into the afternoon. No time for lunch and then an important meeting followed and that lasted far too long. So I spent the first day of exchange week completely oblivious to what was going on at Telstra Dome. But is it possible to be oblivious to absolutely nothing?

On the way home I learned that some sort of deal had been half done over Aker (without any detail announced) but precious little else had been resolved apart from the fact that it was becoming obvious that this exchange period is becoming one big yawn. This was confirmed when I finally made it home and consulted the AFL's own website.

Fair dinkum, I reckon the biggest news of the day wasn't even about the goings on at the Dome but about the unveiling by the Eagles of their ludicrous looking new home jumper that looks a lot like their ludicrous looking old home jumper except for the creature that's featured in the middle panel on the front. The ridiculous bird has now morphed into an escapee from the Warner Brothers cartoon department - a cross between Daffy Duck and The Road Runner. It left me wondering whether Ben Cousins and co were going to be able to keep a straight face when running out onto the ground in the first home game next year.

In the event, I had to content myself with some humdrum headlines about the trades and the team lists on the AFL site. There was the one about RELIEF FOR AKER and I thought momentarily that the story might have been about the bearded blond relieving himself on an effigy of his former coach but that was stupid.

As opposed to everything else Aker does.

Yeah, right.

I took the fact that there was no detail of the draft selections being passed around as meaning that the clubs were harbouring ideas of other deals and therefore allowing them to take place before the ultimate picks were to be sorted out. But that's just me guessing.

The article that really set the tone for the day however was KANGAS' QUIET WEEK.

Have you ever wondered whether a journalist could get away with writing a story about absolutely nothing? Well, you can stop wondering right now. This is it!

The entire Kangaroos football department may as well be sunning themselves on the Gold Coast in preparation for their 2007 home matches up there because the reality is that they're now totally paranoid about the exchange period. And not without reason.

All you have to do is mention the words "Jonathan Hay" and "trade" in the same breath within earshot of an official from that club and you'll very quickly find some poor bastard climbing up a palm tree, frothing at the mouth and making monkey noises.

I was fascinated by the next headline which read NO NEW DEAL FOR HAINES.

Who?

Some bloke who's been around the Fremantle list since the days when Methuselah was a kid and was apparently BOG for the Dockers in that memorable London exhibition match against the Eagles in 2005. Problem is that I don't remember, him or the game or, for that matter, rookies Jack Juniper, Joe Krieger and Toby Stribling who were all given the flick yesterday. Another nothing story.

Then I finally came across something of interest to Melbourne fans although the headline promised very little, DEES COOL ON JOHNSON and the contents of the article delivered less. The "Dees" have a couple of Johnsons (please no smart comments here) and there are at least a dozen of them elsewhere (ditto) so what was this all about? Nothing, just an article telling us that the Demons aren't interested in Jason Johnson, a player who turns 29 soon and who Essendon was only prepared to offer an extra year on his contract. Johnson is getting on in years and is slowing down at a time when the competition demands more running. It was all a no brainer. Tomorrow I expect an article in a similar vein entitled "DEES COOL ON TROY LUFF".

Frankly, Melbourne's recruiting man Craig Cameron sounded as if he was more than a little bit bored by it all when he was quoted as saying, "It's been a pretty stock standard day to be honest. There wasn't much on the go for us.

"The way we've approached trade week is that it is a chance for us to improve our list, but we'll only do trades if that's what we'll think we'll do."

I'm just wondering what probing, in depth questioning elicited those remarks. It was almost inevitable therefore that Cameron would reveal in his next breath that there hadn't been much interest from other clubs attempting to secure any Demons.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

And so it went with headline after headline telling us what a bore the whole day had been. After what seems like an eternity of speculation, it was revealed that Chris Tarrant is on the move - maybe. PIES LOOK FOR RIGHT DEAL.

At least, there was an element of intrigue associated with Spida Everitt's proposed move to Sydney. SPIDA DEAL HITS SNAG which means that there's some posturing going on which allows those involved to demonstrate how poor their acting and bluffing skills really are. No doubt there's going to be more toing and froing before the inevitable deal hits the fax machine at 11.58am on Friday.

There were one or two others about the Dockers' Graham Polak and the Blues' Bret Thornton but by now I was fast losing interest. In fact, I'm already sick of it all.

I think I'll arrange a full book of meetings for the rest of the week.

Nothing much is going to happen.

I can feel it in my bones.