A DOCKER, A DOCKER'S GOT MY FOOTBALL CLUB!

by Whispering Jack

When I first learned that Melbourne had decided to go retro for the AFL's Heritage Round game against Fremantle I thought it was a joke. Why on earth would a club which is on the brink of a new successful era even consider wearing a uniform synonymous with failure; one that was adopted in the mid 70's to cater for the innovation of colour television and then spurned at the end of 1986 precisely coinciding with its rise after more than two decades of mediocrity?

Why indeed!

Why go back to the eighties? After all, that was a time of dingoes and babies at Ayres Rock, Darryl and Ozzie, mullet hair dos, bad music, Ronald Reagan, poor fashion, a losing Aussie Test side and, for the early part of the '80's at least, the Demons were the duds of football. We need those memories like a hole in the head!

I felt troubled from the very first and that feeling was not improved when the team to take on the Dockers was named on Thursday night. The philosophy behind the team's selection had surely also gone retro along with everything else about this game. Earlier in the season, the club was buoyed by the form of the young guns - the likes of Brock McLean, Colin Sylvia, Matthew Bate, Clint Bartram, Lyden Dunn and Chris Johnson adding some excitement to the mix. The momentum was all on our side.

However, in recent weeks, injuries have cost us the excitement of McLean and Bate while Dunn, Bartram and Johnson have been showing some signs of tiredness. The selectors decided in their wisdom to drop Johnson and replace him with Phil Read who admittedly was best on ground for the Zebras a week ago. Problem was that performance was achieved in all too different different conditions – the wind, rain and sleet of midwinter Ballarat which suited Chopper to a tee. But this game was at Subiaco Oval. We needed Matthew Bate, recovered from a hamstring injury, but the selectors passed on him. They also passed on an in form Nathan Jones who has been a regular among Sandringham's best for several weeks. Brad Miller was shunned as well. So we went into the game without as many potential excitement machines as I would have liked and instead we plumped for the standard line and length approach. The same olds.

It was back to the eighties with a lack of imagination and half a dozen players who really aren't part of our future.

Still, it was Melbourne that started full of running and but for some early missed opportunities and a gift free kick and goal to the Wizard, Melbourne could easily have broken away to an early three or four goal lead. Instead it relied on individual efforts to pull back to lead by a point at quarter time.

Then, the team self-destructed.

An early second term goal to the Dockers was followed by some pitiful forward play and two or three shocking misses in front of goal. A second opportunity to press home the lead was missed and, as invariably happens Fremantle was on target and pushed to a 14 point lead when Brad Green suffered brain fade and decided to imitate another boundary line headbutter of the early eighties in Phil Carmen. All I can say is that we should all be thankful that it was a Docker who was the victim and not one of the white maggots.

And as luck would have it, Crowley slotted a difficult shot from the boundary line from the resultant free to dent the Demons' confidence going in at the main break.

Things didn't get any better in the third term with so many players putting together their worst efforts for the year that it's best not to dwell too much further on the game. Let's just say that we crossed the Nullarbor and somewhere on the way, the team's spirit of excitement that burned so brightly a little while ago, was snuffed out.

Melbourne lapsed in its kicking for the second week in a row. Last week, it scored 9.16, this week 9.13 but it was a lot worse than that. Kicks for goal that should have hit their mark didn't even register, Cam Bruce kicked into the man on the mark from 20 metres out, Neita who hasn't kicked a goal in a fortnight, couldn't hit the side of a barn door and Green of all people missed a sitter.

Then there was the team discipline that's been so strong all year. It must have escaped from the airplane window when the team travelled west. Some of the stupid free kicks given away were simply horrendous. But then, that's what that aweful royal blue get up does to people, I'm sure!

It went on and on as the Demons produced the sort of football that was their hallmark when they wore that abomination of a jumper in the eighties. And it wasn't confined to the out of sorts forwards either. Jeff White and Mark Jamar have had a big week publicity-wise but they were done like a dinner in the ruck by Sandilands; Jared Rivers was in career worst form; Byron Pickett couldn't raise a gallop and they had many friends all over the ground.

Thankfully Ben Holland and Nathan Carroll were able to stem some of the flow in defence but that was just about it apart from the continued bright form of James McDonald, the prolific Travis (whose kicking wasn't as sharp as usual though) and the fact that we might just have won the half time melee.

Hopefully, we'll return home to the MCG next weekend, don our real colours again and come back to the future with some impact against the Bulldogs to atone for the lost opportunity of grabbing second place on the ladder and the luxury of putting two games between ourselves and the rest of the pack pushing for a double chance in the finals.

Melbourne 4.3.27 4.7.31 5.12.42 9.13.67

Fremantle 4.2.26 8.3.51 12.4.76 15.6.96

Goals Davey 3 Dunn Robertson 2 Jamar Johnstone

Best McDonald Carroll Johnstone Yze Godfrey, Bruce

Injuries Nil

Reports Green (Melb) reported for head-butting Crowley, Yze (Melb) for abusive language towards an umpire.

Umpires Vozzo Ryan Jeffery

Crowd 36,244 at Subiaco Oval, Perth