A BIG LAUGH

A BIG LAUGH by The Oracle

This season has produced very little for Melbourne supporters to smile about as the club has been hit by disasters off the field and pushed from pillar to post on it. The calamities that have affected the Demons have certainly been well documented and little of it has been funny.

This is why I was somewhat puzzled to see the three talking heads on On The Couch giggling away with amusement after showing a film clip of Melbourne Chairman that selectively focussed on part of the comments he made to members at a lunch before last week's game against the Gold Coast Suns concerning the tanking controversy initiated by an interview on the programme with former player Brock McLean.

Of course, they would not be laughing if they had to respond to the substantive matters McLardy discussed and about which On The Couch omitted to mention; namely the issues surrounding list management that are a fundamental to our game and which affect most clubs from time to time. And we all know that Melbourne has not been alone here although the panel was apparently collectively inflicted by amnesia about how McLean's current club rorted the system so that they forgot to ask him why, if he held such high principles, did he move on to the Blues of all clubs after leaving the Demons?

What McLardy said was reported in the Melbourne Age in rebuttal of claims that McLean had declared on the programme that Melbourne deliberately lost games to gain valuable draft picks (actually McLean described what happened as not tanking but "experimenting" but the facts should never get in the way of a good story) – Demons re-sign key players, Schwab:-

McLardy also sought to defend the Demons against renewed allegations of tanking late in 2009, which are now again under AFL investigation.

"The issues surrounding list management are well documented . . . it is complex but it is a fundamental of our game, and every club is faced with difficult decisions every year, " he said.

"During the time in question, our club was a developing side. At any time in the competition there are clubs poised to make the finals and there are teams trying to build sides capable of making the finals. We clearly sat in the latter category.

"Were we focused on getting game experience into young players? Yes we were. Were we trying to develop our players by experimenting with different positions? Yes we were. Did we select young players sometimes ahead of experienced players to see what they were made of? Yes we did. Like many other sides, we are doing exactly the same thing today. We are managing our list in context to where we are in the competition. "

I understand how three people with a megaphone and an agenda can misrepresent the club's position and ignore the thrust of what McLardy said but it wasn't funny and it reflected poorly on the presenters of On The Couch. As the great Groucho Marx would say:

"I find television very educating.

Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

I reckon Groucho must have been thinking about the three clowns on On The Couch.

Unfortunately for them, Melbourne produced some winning form last weekend against the Gold Coast Suns. Sure, it wasn't a flashy or convincing win but the margin was 42 points. One might think a win of that size would mean the club could avoid criticism from the usual suspects but a few decided the loss was shameful; the winning margin should have been double that and Melbourne's effort is therefore deemed a failure and indicative of a poor culture.

Never mind that the Suns' recent form hasn't been all that bad. On 8 July, they lost to Geelong by 14 points, a week later they beat Richmond by 2 points and after that lost to the Lions by 11 points. Their only recent thumping was at the hands of ladder leader Sydney.

The media circus continues with another one-sided stab against Melbourne in today's Age concerning the retirement of Brad Green who has been a great servant of the club and yesterday announced he was leaving at the end of the season. The press conference was conducted with great professionalism and in the style of the club champion the 251 gamer conducted himself throughout his illustrious career. In the circumstances, it was disappointing for the Age to immediately jump in and focus on the whether Melbourne had been disloyal to Green suggesting it should have kept him on irrespective form or the player's drive to continue on further. It will be a matter of much amusement to see whether such an approach will be taken in the case of other impending retirements at clubs like the Western Bulldogs in the weeks to come.

To the media gurus who think they know everything, I say you're not funny but you certainly are a joke.

Thanks for giving me a big laugh!

And now, it's on to the MCG and the Saints who are starting at the ridiculous odds of $1.06 to win. That's funny too.

THE GAME

St. Kilda v Melbourne at MCG Saturday 11 August, 2012 at 1:45pm

HEAD TO HEAD

Overall St. Kilda 84 wins Melbourne 118 wins 1 drawn

At MCG St. Kilda 32 wins Melbourne 58 wins

Since 2000 St. Kilda 9 wins Melbourne 9 wins

The Coaches Watters 1 win Neeld 0 wins

MEDIA

TV Fox Footy Channel Live at 1.30pm Channel 7 (delayed at 3.00pm)

RADIO 3AW Triple M

THE BETTING

St. Kilda to win $1.06 Melbourne to win $9.50

THE LAST TIME THEY MET St. Kilda 12.12.84 defeated Melbourne 10.6.66 Round 5, 2012 at the MCG

The teams slugged it out for three quarters going goal for goal in wet conditions on a Saturday night. Mitch Clark was missed and he would have been handy at full forward in the last quarter when the Demons failed to score.

THE TEAMS

ST. KILDA

Backs Jarryn Geary James Gwilt Tom Simpkin

Half backs Sean Dempster Sam Fisher Sam Gilbert

Centreline Farren Ray Lenny Hayes Brendon Goddard

Half forwards Ahmed Saad Nick Riewoldt Nick Dal Santo

Forwards Stephen Milne Justin Koschitzke Sam Dunell

Followers Ben McEvoy David Armitage Leigh Montagna

Interchange Jason Gram Clinton Jones Jack Steven Beau Wilkes

Emergencies Jamie Cripps Tom Ledger Dean Polo

In Beau Wilkes

Out Dean Polo

MELBOURNE

Backs Joel Macdonald James Sellar Tom McDonald

Half backs Lynden Dunn Matthew Bate Colin Garland

Centreline Jack Trengove Brent Moloney Sam Blease

Half forwards Neville Jetta Jared Rivers Rohan Bail

Forwards Jeremy Howe Brad Green Colin Sylvia

Followers Jake Spencer Jack Grimes Nathan Jones

Interchange Jordie McKenzie James Magner James Strauss Luke Tapscott

Emergencies Michael Evans Jack Fitzpatrick Jordan Gysberts

In Matthew Bate Neville Jetta Jordie McKenzie

Out James Frawley (quad) Jordan Gysberts Cale Morton (shoulder)

It's a pity from Melbourne's point of view that Stephen Milne is free to play on Saturday after being fined $3,000 by St Kilda for making a homophobic comment towards Harry O'Brien. The little pest always seems to be the first to kick a goal (or two) in St. Kilda v Melbourne games and the Dees best bet to control the damage he might inflict, Clint Bartram, is languishing on their long injured list which last week stretched to about 15 players.

By way of contrast, the Saints have close to a full list of players from which to select their team this week. According to this week's Age, it reads like this:

ST KILDA

Adam Schneider (hamstring) 1 wk

Rhys Stanley (hamstring) 1-2 wks

Darren Minchington (hip) season

This compares well with the miraculous situation over at Arden Street where this is the situation on an almost weekly basis:-

NORTH MELBOURNE

Leigh Adams (shoulder) test

Tom Curran (foot) season

[a late addition to this list is Hamish McIntosh who faces LARS surgery on his knee which also rules him out for the season]

The end result is that a full strength St. Kilda which needs to make every post a winner is taking on an emaciated Melbourne which is variously considered as tanking, experimenting, suffering from a losing culture (even when it wins games by seven goals).

The game will still have its points of interest. Nathan Jones is having a stellar season and has set a great example to many of his teammates as to how to go about things from the very start of the pre season and right through the highs and mainly the lows of the year. It's a pity that very few have followed that example although Tom McDonald is one who has worked hard to make himself a valued member of the team. He took on Nick Riewoldt last time the teams met and acquitted himself well enough to be given the task again.

The two skippers have been under fire for most of the year but are slowly coming of age. Their experience in difficult times will hold them in good stead in the years to come when the team takes on a different shape. Against the Saints, Grimes plays only his 50th game. Trengove reached that mark a few weeks ago. One day their appointment as joint captains may well be seen as an inspired move.

At the other end of the scale a rejuvenated Green should continue to kick goals but the Demon forward line is bereft of star players. We might see another mark of the year from high flyer Jeremy Howe but, in reality, there's not enough goal kicking capacity for me to say the Demons will get close to causing an upset.

The result is a foregone conclusion - an absolute no brainer with the Saints to win and win well.

St. Kilda by 40 points

If you want a real laugh I recommend the play GROUCHO commencing on 15 August 2012 for a short season at Chapel Off Chapel. If Demonlanders book tickets and confirm their booking and ticket number with Demonland by PM, a donation of $4.00 per ticket will be made to a charity connected with mental health.