THE TRADING CHRONICLES 2011 - PART ONE

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THE TRADING CHRONICLES 2011 by The Oracle

Part One: THE MEATLOAF CONSPIRACY

The official 2011 season came to an end a few days ago but that doesn't mean the football world goes into hibernation for the next six months.

To the contrary, it's the Tuesday after the Grand Final and, while the victorious Geelong players are still sleeping off the effects of their premiership Mad Monday and hundreds of their counterparts are holidaying across the country and distant parts of the globe, 120 young hopefuls are kicking off the start of the next season at the AFL Draft Combine today at Etihad Stadium.

The Combine is a new name (stolen shamelessly by the AFL from the Americans) to replace the old concept of the draft camp. They used to run it in Canberra but this year it's been hyped up a little and been brought to Melbourne - perhaps to compensate us for the fact that November's national draft will be conducted in Sydney.

The foremost authority on all matters pertaining to the draft is Melbourne Age journalist Emma Quayle and she provides a brief rundown of what to expect over the next four days and the major draft prospects in High-flyers of the class of 2011.

Quayle's article is good but frankly, it has me worried. In it, she lists the likely types to look out for in November's draft and I see only eleven names. But Melbourne's first pick in the draft is currently listed at twelve and this immediately heightens my level of paranoia.

I'm not normally paranoid but, ever since the Tom Scully saga broke out in February, I've become convinced they're all out to get us. There's no way that the media could have guessed back then that the then Demon rookie and former number one draft pick was leaving for Greater Western Sydney on a six year $6m contract without it all being true. So now I see a combined CIA/KGB conspiracy behind anything that happens in the AFL.

Having to endure the experience of another American import in Meatloaf mangling every song that he tried his hand at during what was laughingly described as the "pre match entertainment" on Grand Final Day was the last straw.

Andrew Demetriou is a self confessed Meatloaf fan and he spent somewhere around 800 grand bringing Mr. Loaf to Australia. That money could have been used to help keep Scully at Melbourne and the change could have been used to put Barry Crocker or Kamahl out there on the stage for the punters. Then again, if anyone saw Hutchy's dramatic vision of the Scully family at Tullamarine on that fateful day when they flew north "just to have a look around", you might have noticed a definite resemblance between Loaf and Scully senior. So, that's how they got that deal across!

I raise all these matters because I'm convinced that this year's draft is a thinly veiled AFL conspiracy to give GWS a monumental leg up for its introduction to the competition at the expense of clubs that have been around for over a century and had to work bloody hard to get where they are now.

There was a time when an AFL club could strike it rich in the draft. Geelong did it one year when it picked up Jimmy Bartel, James Kelly, Steve Johnson and Gary Ablett Jnr all from the one draft. That won't happen with 17 of the clubs this year because, of Quayle's list of eleven leading draft hopefuls, seven of them (poor souls that they are) will most probably end up at Blacktown or Rooty Hill playing in front of capacity crowds of 4,652 at Skoda Stadium for peanuts and eating kebabs at the local diner while a handful of their more high profile teammates will be sipping piña coladas (make that Perrier soda water for Scully) and dining on beef wagu steaks at Sydney's most expensive eateries.

When I see GWS, all I see is Meatloaf. Their has-been coach is the AFL equivalent of Meatloaf. Their system of take the money and run is the AFL equivalent of Meatloaf and their philosophy of giving the punters nothing for their money is the AFL equivalent of Meatloaf.

Where does that leave us if the pick of the national draft and the players on show at the Draft Combine are heading towards Greater Western Sydney?

Well, I reckon the AFL exchange period which starts next week will be busier than it has been for quite a while because if the rest of the competition has a reduced capacity to fill the gaps in their lists through the draft, then they have to do it by way of the trades.