EVERYONE'S GONE TO THE MOON

[Demonland 73,140]

EVERYONE'S GONE TO THE MOON by JVM

Harry O'Brien's going to see the Dalai Lama, Dane Swan's off with a few of his mates to Flagstaff, Arizona, Daisy Thomas has been to the Tribunal and President Eddie is, um ... well, everywhere as usual.

Michael Malthouse, on the other hand, has been up and about, but not in his usual role as coach of the AFL’s premier football team. These days Mick moonlights as a special comments man in the media, whiling away the hours and minutes as his long stint as coach of the Magpies runs down into its final days. He’s not even keeping the seat warm for Nathan Buckley who is due to take over a readymade AFL team in five or six month’s time.

As for Mick, he's continuing the pattern of lining up opposition players for abuse (a project begun while on duty at Etihad Stadium last year on veteran Saint’s goal sneak, Stephen Milne) by going on air behind a microphone and labelling young kids as "cheats". Of course, this obsession doesn't apply to his own players who front the AFL Tribunal with straight faces telling cockamamie stories about going for a football that's miles out of their reach while punching an opponent in the jaw.

True, his team remains a premiership favourite but where's Mick's focus these days? He is so distracted at the moment that he appears to have forgotten to call the obligatory press conference warning all and sundry that the opposition this week is playing its own grand final for the year in the middle of June.

Are the Pies are so cocky and complacent about things these days that they have lost interest in the regular season, setting their sights on what might take place later in the season?

I think so.

In fact, things are getting so bad over there at Magpieland that you could walk into the Westpac Centre tomorrow and not find a single Collingwood player in sight.

That’s because they're here, there and everywhere but in the space where they should be at the present time. The emphasis seems to be on everything but Monday's blockbuster at the G.

For the moment, the Collingwood Football Club is so fixated on higher altitudes that they've all gone to the moon.

THE GAME

Melbourne v. Collingwood at the MCG – Monday 13 June 2011 at 2.10pm

HEAD TO HEAD

Overall Melbourne 79 wins Collingwood 141 wins 5 draws

At the MCG Melbourne 59 wins Collingwood 74 wins 3 draws

Since 2000 Melbourne 5 wins Collingwood 8 wins 1 draw

The Coaches Bailey 0 wins Malthouse 4 wins 1 draw

MEDIA

TV Channel 10 at 2:30 PM (delayed telecast)

RADIO Triple M SEN K-Rock ABC774

THE BETTING

Melbourne to win $5.50 Collingwood to win $1.15

LAST TIME THEY MET Melbourne 11.10.76 drew with Collingwood 9.22.76

The dominant on ball combination of Mark Jamar and Brent Moloney took it right up to the Magpies whose kicking for goal was right off target in a game that finished amid great tension in a tied result.

Tarkyn Lockyer kicked the equaliser for the Pies and was rewarded a few weeks later by being axed from the team that eventually won the flag.

THE TEAMS

MELBOURNE

Backs Dan Nicholson James Frawley Joel Macdonald

Half backs Cale Morton Jared Rivers James Strauss

Centrelin Tom Scully Brent Moloney Liam Jurrah

Half forwards Jeremy Howe Jack Watts Jordan Gysberts

Forwards Jamie Bennell Colin Sylvia Brad Green

Followers Stef Martin Jack Trengove Jordie McKenzie

Interchange Michael Evans Max Gawn Neville Jetta Nathan Jones

Emergencies Clint Bartram Matthew Bate Ricky Petterd

No change

COLLINGWOOD

Backs Leon Davis Ben Reid Heritier O'Brien

Half backs Alan Toovey Nick Maxwell Heath Shaw

Centreline Tyson Goldsack Steele Sidebottom Sharrod Wellingham

Half forwards Chris Tarrant Chris Dawes Andrew Krakouer

Forwards Alan Didak Travis Cloke Leigh Brown

Followers Cameron Wood Scott Pendlebury Luke Ball

Interchange (from) Jarryd Blair Simon Buckley Alex Fasolo John McCarthy

Emergencies Brad Dick Luke Rounds Tom Young

In Jarryd Blair Simon Buckley Alex Fasolo

Out Dayne Beams (foot) Dane Swan (soreness) Dale Thomas (suspended)

SPEAKING OF THINGS LUNAR

We might be forgiven, in light of the way the Pies have been conducting themselves towards this game, that they might think of Melbourne as a bit of a joke. So before, I launch into my review of this week’s game, allow me an indulgence thanks to some of the Demonlanders who are providing some rare insights into the monster that has become Collingwood.

If you see a Collingwood supporter on a bicycle don't swerve to hit him....It could be your bicycle

Q: What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?

A: The defendant.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

Q: How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done his job in the first place the light bulb would never have gone out.

What's the difference between Eddie McGuire and god? God doesn't think he's Eddie McGuire

MEANWHILE BACK ON EARTH

Collingwood’s depleted midfield power is the main talking point in the lead up to Monday’s Queens Birthday Blockbuster with Melbourne. Dale Thomas is out suspended, Dane Swan is one of four Collingwood players on a 12-day mid-season recovery trip to Arizona and Dayne Beams is out of action for at least a month after breaking a foot in Saturday night's win over St Kilda. That’s the three D’s and at least 80 disposals missing from the team and that’s not taking into account that their premiership ruckman Darren Jolly is another recovering in the States.

Of course, Melbourne people will say that these omissions are largely counteracted by their own long list on injured and missing players including Mark Jamar, Jack Grimes, Aaron Davey, Colin Garland, Rohan Bail, Luke Tapscott and Austin Wonaeamirri and a few others. I will nevertheless, happily accept the number of injured/rested/suspended players as an excuse for a Magpie defeat on Monday. Their supporters have my permission to bleat and whine to their collective hearts’ content in those circumstances.

The question is, how likely is it that Collingwood will, in fact, lose this game?

The answer is that it’s unlikely but if Melbourne can continue on from the form of last Friday night then it must be considered a chance of causing an upset. Then again, if it reverts to the previous week’s shambles of a performance, the Mick Malthouse will be smiling contentedly by mid afternoon and wondering what saying of the great Confucius he can mangle during his after match press conference.

Now, let’s go back to the midfield contests and it’s here that you realise how fate has blessed the Magpies with a fair amount of midfield depth. Even without the 3D’s, Collingwood still has one of the best in the competition in vice-captain Scott Pendlebury who had a great year in 2010 winning the Anzac Medal, achieving All-Australian honours for the first time and capping it all off with the Norm Smith Medal in a premiership side. They say he’s been even better this year. Luke Ball is another All-Australian from his St. Kilda days who had his best season in 2005 the year he also won the club best and fairest. This year, he has returned to his old form as a strong tackling midfielder. This duo heads a strong group who can play in the middle and will be augmented by some handy players in Sharrod Wellingham, Steele Sidebottom, Jarryd Blair and perhaps Andrew Krakouer. Ben Johnson and Simon Buckley are also due to return to the fold from injury.

But what of Melbourne’s midfield?

It was not that long ago that the Demons’ midfield was considered as a relic of the Stone Ages but in recent weeks the infusion of Tom Scully, Jack Trengove (Back from suspension) and Jordie McKenzie (back from a groin injury) together with the re-emergence of Jordan Gysberts have made the lives of Brent Moloney and Nathan Jones so much easier. This young group has a lot going for it, in particular its versatility. There’s a bit of everything in there and the presence of Michael Evans and Dan Nicholson has added some more bite to this all important division. If they get going, then Mick needs to watch out!

Collingwood does have enormous strength up forward in the guise of in form Travis Cloke, Chris Dawes and the ability of Leigh Brown to go forward and kick goals. Then there’s Alan Didak and Dick (no further comment needs to be appended). However, Melbourne's defence has in form players in "Chip" Frawley, Jared Rivers and Joel Macdonald and the outcome of some of the duels in this part of the ground could well prove decisive.

I’m very tempted to go for Melbourne to win this because of the significantly weakened midfield but, in the end, it all gets down to attitude. If the Demons fail to come out with the same attitude they brought into the Essendon game last week and instead, bring a negative mindset into this week’s game, then the absence of Jolly, Swan, Thomas and co. will mean absolutely nothing.

I’m tipping Collingwood by 10 points in a close contest and unfortunately, that's no joke!