YOU'VE GOT TO CARRY THAT WEIGHT

[Demonland 73,140]

YOU'VE GOT TO CARRY THAT WEIGHT by Clyde the (ex) Clifton Hill Cabbie

Sometimes older people like me suffer from the problem of remembering things, but when I was given the task of previewing this Sunday's Melbourne v Essendon game at the G, I gleefully accepted after instantly recalling the events of 2000 with a mixture of fondness and anger. That was the year that Demonland began; the year when these same two sides played off in the Grand Final (tragically, the Demons failed to replicate the triumph of '48 which was when I proudly became licenced to drive my then shiny new black cab) and the year of the Sydney Olympic Games.

I remember fondly how I went to the game full of confidence and then I recalled with anger how I felt let down when Essendon pummelled my young Demons into submission. There are very few players from that team around these days. James McDonald was nursing his knee after an ACL and Cameron Bruce pulled out of the grand final with an injury. Only Brad Green of the current crop at the club was around but, if my memory serves me well, he was on his way to hospital early in the game courtesy of a blow to his oesophagus from one of the Bomber thugs. The day ended tragically but I figured that the club was on its way up and I was about to taste some premiership glory.

Back in those days, we had a Prime Minister who didn't wear a dress (well, at least not to my knowledge), I could afford to visit the local for a drink, buy a packet smokes without mortgaging the family home (I've given it up now and so should you) and I could still have a decent chat with the punters in the back seat of my cab about the weather, politics, fashion, sport and lots of other things that are no longer politically correct to discuss.

These days I don't drive a cab and I miss it a lot. People don't talk to me about much anymore but then again, in many cases, they don't communicate face to face with each other either. They're all on their iPhones twittering, googling or facebooking and I have great difficulty in finding people who want to talk about football at all. This applies to fans of all teams including Essendon. The last one I knew was poor old Ernie at the nursing home but he hasn't uttered a single word since the night they gave Sheeds the heave ho at Bomberland. Nowadays he does nothing but sit mournfully in a little corner of his room waving his red and black jacket over his head. It's pathetic really!

Still, I want to discuss the current predicaments of the two teams as they limber up to face each other this week - particularly about how two great traditional clubs that led the pack and played off in a grand final a decade ago, now find themselves occupying space in the AFL's nether regions? After all, it's been well over a month since either the Bombers or the Demons have won a game.

How do the clubs, the players and the fans feel about this sad state of affairs? Why isn't there any emotion or anger coming from the Demon camp? Why aren't they getting fired up at the prospect of playing a team whose form isn't all that flash? Where are the calls to avenge the hits on Brad Green and Troy Simmonds from a decade ago?

Melbourne fans have by and large accepted their fate. The mantra about their team being in "development phase" seems to have sunk in. Unfortunately, the prospect of a long wait before the team can taste some success seems to be driving some supporters to distraction as can be seen from this prime example - Police search for armed demon. I don't condone his actions but certainly understand the frustrations this poor blighter is going through at the moment.

We live in desperate times. For us Demon desperados, there will be only a slow, inexorable improvement over the years and if we exercise some restraint, we might enjoy the fruits of our patience with some pleasing results at around about the same time that Burkina Faso plays off against Liechtenstein for the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Rio de Janeiro. Of course, there's a good chance that by then I'll be in a corner with Ernie gleefully swinging my red and blue 2008 MFC members scarf in the air without a care in the world.

At least the wait will have been worthwhile (one can only hope).

THE GAME Melbourne v Essendon at the MCG Sunday, 11 July 2009 at 2.10pm.

HEAD TO HEAD

Overall Melbourne 77 wins Essendon 126 wins 2 draws

At the MCG Melbourne 41 wins Essendon 63 wins 1 draw

Since 2000: Melbourne 4 wins Essendon 10 wins

The Coaches Bailey 0 wins Knights 2 wins

MEDIA

TV Channel 7 Delayed at 3.30pm

RADIO K-Rock Triple M 3AW

THE BETTING Melbourne $1.96 to win Essendon $1.84 to win

THE LAST TIME THEY MET Essendon 19.17.131 defeated Melbourne 13.5.83 at Etihad Stadium Round 12, 2009

Somehow, Melbourne stayed in the game until half time when it was down by only two goals. The Bombers blew them apart with a sensational seven goal third quarter. The game was otherwise known as the night of Liam Jurrah's debut and he didn't let the fans down, kicking the first of his many miraculous goals for the season.

When the game was over, the pessimists called it a shellacking, the optimists pointed to the fact that the damage was done in only one quarter. The realists started looking towards the day when the club would claim he first two selections in the national draft at the end of the year and the rest of us just went home.

THE TEAMS

MELBOURNE

Backs Jamie Bennell Jared Rivers Clint Bartram

Half backs Colin Garland James Frawley Tom Scully

Centreline Nathan Jones Jack Trengove Brad Green

Half forwards Lynden Dunn Jack Watts Cameron Bruce

Forwards Colin Sylvia Matthew Bate Jordie McKenzie

Followers Mark Jamar Brent Moloney Aaron Davey

Interchange Kyle Cheney Paul Johnson Liam Jurrah Joel Macdonald

Emergencies Rohan Bail Neville Jetta Addam Maric

In Paul Johnson Liam Jurrah Colin Sylvia

Out Jack Grimes (hamstring) Neville Jetta (omitted) Jake Spencer (back)

ESSENDON

Backs Andrew Welsh Cale Hooker Heath Hocking

Half backs Mark McVeigh Michael Hurley Kyle Reimers

Centreline Leroy Jetta Jobe Watson Courtenay Dempsey

Half forwards Brent Stanton Scott Gumbleton Angus Monfries

Forwards Alwyn Davey Jay Neagle David Zaharakis

Followers Patrick Ryder Jason Winderlich Ben Howlett

Interchange Tom Bellchambers Travis Colyer Ricky Dyson Nathan Lovett-Murray

Emergencies Sam Lonergan Jake Melsham Brent Prismall

In Travis Colyer Courtenay Dempsey Ricky Dyson Ben Howlett Angus Monfries Jay Neagle

Out Sam Lonergan Jake Melsham Brent Prismall Michael Quinn (all omitted) Henry Slattery (ribs) Tyson Slattery (omitted)

THE BOMBER BLITZ

For the Essendon viewpoint, I went searching in the direction of Bomber Blitz, their supporter website – a feral version of Demonland if you like.

I discovered that, despite the prospect of an axe hovering above his head, Bomber coach Matthew Knights believes his team remains in AFL Finals contention despite four losses on the trot.

"The reality is we're two games out [of the eight]," Knights said on Tuesday morning.

"We are a long way back in the ruck, that's a fact and we're way back with a lot of other teams that would probably still think that the door is slightly ajar.

"But we let one of those teams jump us last week … now every win you give to an opposition or every time you get beaten, you have someone pushing up a little bit harder.

"It's still very realistic, but we're going to have to improve our footy dramatically if we're going to do that."

So what about the supporters? At least some of them are somewhat less sanguine about their prospects.

Sameold predicts a Melbourne win by 84 points:

"Well what can I say about Essendon playing Melbourne? The stats say that..... and that bloke from Melbourne looks like a peanut... and I'll be wearing my lucky shirt....and the Bombers will tear them a new.... Forget it! My will to predict a positive outcome for Dons is about as strong as their will to win a game of footy. Bracing one's self to be flogged by flogs may make it feel moderately better post loss."

Then there's mcphee33 who says:

Melbourne by 46

"Melbourne's problem is their forward line, they should not have any problems playing against our pathetic backline."

Dubai opines that the Demons will win by 25 points:

"Their form at the MCG this year has been reasonably good. Last time they played there, they drew with Collingwood. They beat Brisbane by 50 points when the Lions were undefeated and went within a goal of the Pies the first time and the Doggies. They must be pumped and ready."

I have to admit that I haven't seen a Melbourne team pumped and ready for a while. Most recently, they've developed a habit of starting their games in a stupor and waking up between three and five goals in arrears before mounting a comeback that eventually falters in the end under the weight of playing catch up over two and a half quarters. Woe betide the Bombers therefore if the Demons kick the first goal or two or even find themselves in front at half time. As it happens, the team holding the half time lead has won on every occasion that the teams have met since the year 2000.

I take on board what Bombers' fan Dubai says about Melbourne at the MCG. The Demons have beaten Essendon in two of their past three contests at the ground. Their last up effort at Etihad against St. Kilda was a fair bit more presentable a performance that that of their opponents this week.

The final determinant from my point of view is based on who the teams have out of their side and this is where I sway against the Bombers. Melbourne is missing its skipper James McDonald with a hamstring but it should, at least get back Colin Sylvia and the exciting Liam Jurrah. These players should fit nicely into the Demon forward line that has been struggling since earlier in the year when Ricky Petterd was kicking goals. The Dees should also be buoyed by the signings of Petterd, Colin Garland and Jared Rivers.

On the other hand, there's a pall over Essendon with some calling for Knights' head and key players in Dustin Fletcher (suspension), David Hille (hamstring), Tayte Pears (pancreas) all missing. They've also lost both Slatterys - Henry and Tyson - but that's OK because my mother once told me "Slattery will get you nowhere (or was I deaf even back then?). The clincher for me is Fletcher who never fails to destroy the Demons with those Inspector Gadget arms that invariably turn certain Demon goals into touched points.

That's why I'm tipping Melbourne to win by the length of Fletcher's absent fingernails and to lift a bit of weight off Dean Bailey's mind.

Dees by 1 point.

[Disclosure: Clyde is currently coming 21st in the Demonland football tipping competition with 57 winners to date. He trails the leader by 22]