THE LONG WEEKEND

[Demonland 66,977]

by The Oracle

Melbourne seems to have the wood on Collingwood insofar as their recent Queens Birthday meetings are concerned.

The black and white army and its bogan supporters are our bunnies when it comes to the celebration of Her Royal Highness' big day out. Take our last four such encounters when we beat them so easily that we could even be excused for suggesting our dominance might cause what was previously heralded as a great clash of traditional rivals to turn into a potentially crashing bore of an event. The fans might even stay away fearing a lack of a contest.

OK. I jest a little, but the AFL's head honcho and leading opera fan, Andrew Demetrious (aka Arthur Fonzarelli or The Fonze) is so frightened at the prospect of a boring outcome that might not appeal to the fans that he set the alarm bells ringing with his pronouncement/threat overnight that Melbourne could lose the blockbuster Queen's Birthday match if it drew a crowd of less than 60,000.

That's right!

The Fonze is prepared to wield the big stick right at the heart of the Demons at the very moment when they are struggling at the bottom end of a football cycle. This is from the chief executive of the AFL whose duty it is to promote all teams in the competition and treat them as equal partners in the nation's largest sporting enterprise: an organisation which has already hijacked Melbourne's 150th birthday celebrations, stole it away and adopted the anniversary as its own and then, in an act of sheer effrontery this man has decided to snub the celebration of the sesquicentenary at the MCG on August 8 by heading off to the Olympics!

And what point is The Fonz trying to make?

Despite Melbourne's lowly position on the ladder, its average home attendances are higher than top eight sides Western Bulldogs and North Melbourne, both of which have earned praise in recent times from the AFL as to the way they are managing their financial position.

The AFL has form in dealing more favourably with certain clubs than it has with others and in that regard, there was no darker episode in the history of the competition than the way in which it unceremoniously dumped the Fitzroy Football Club in 1996 doing everything in its power to prevent the members of that club from having their wishes taken into account when their team was forced to merge with the Bears and go north to Queensland.

Kevin Rudd has apologised to the stolen generations but we have yet to see an AFL leader with the guts to stand up and apologise to Fitzroy people for what the league did to their club.

I have this to say to the muppets who aren't prepared to show a grain of respect to the oldest football club in the world. The Melbourne Football Club has been around for more than three times the span of your lifetime and will be around long after you depart this mortal coil. We Demons are resilient and we are not prepared to cop the same treatment or endure the same outcome that befell the Lions. And we will get more than 60,000 to this game as we do every Queens Birthday. So to the Demetrious, the Kennetts et al, my message is plain and simple.

Go shove it and leave us alone to enjoy the long weekend!

THE GAME

Melbourne v. Collingwood at the MCG - 9 June 2008 at 2.10pm

HEAD TO HEAD

Overall Melbourne 79 wins Collingwood 137 wins 4 draws

At the G Melbourne 59 wins Collingwood 70 wins 2 draws

Since 2000 Melbourne 5 wins Collingwood 4 wins

The Coaches Bailey 0 wins Malthouse 0 wins

MEDIA

TV Channel 10 at 2.30pm (delayed telecast)

RADIO Triple M 3AW 7774ABC SEN

THE BETTING

Melbourne to win $8.50 Collingwood to win $1.05

LAST TIME THEY MET Collingwood 11.15.81 d Melbourne 9.16.70 Round 20, 2008, at MCG

We celebrated David Neitz' 300th game for the club with an honourable defeat for the injury plagued Demons. The team recovered from a slow start and a physical buffeting which saw an end to the seasons of Daniel Bell, Aaron Davey and Ben Holland to get to within five points of the eventual preliminary finalists but failed to go on with it in the last half of the final term.

THE TEAMS

MELBOURNE

Backs James McDonald Colin Garland Daniel Bell

Half backs Brad Green Matthew Warnock Paul Wheatley

Centreline Cale Morton Brock McLean Cameron Bruce

Half forwards Matthew Bate Brad Miller Lynden Dunn

Forwards Paul Johnson Colin Sylvia Austin Wonaeamirri

Followers Jeff White Brent Moloney Nathan Jones

Interchange (from) Clint Bartram Jace Bode Jared Rivers Adem Yze

Emergencies Nathan Carroll Mark Jamar Chris Johnson

In Jace Bode Cale Morton Jared Rivers

Out Simon Buckley (omitted) James Frawley (shoulder) Russell Robertson (Achilles)

COLLINGWOOD

Backs Heath Shaw Shane Wakelin Tarkyn Lockyer

Half backs Martin Clarke Nathan Brown Harry O’Brien

Centreline Scott Pendlebury Scott Burns Rhyce Shaw

Half forwards Leon Davis Shane O’Bree Travis Cloke

Forwards Alan Didak Anthony Rocca Paul Medhurst

Followers Josh Fraser Dane Swan Dale Thomas

Interchange Chris Bryan Ben Johnson Nick Maxwell Sharrod Wellingham

Emergencies Ryan Cook Shannon Cox Ben Reid

In Anthony Rocca

Out Ben Reid (omitted)

Umpires Vosso Farmer Meredith

THE CRYSTAL BALL

The intense rivalry between Melbourne and Collingwood goes back a long way. It has peaked a few times in the past century - in the roaring 20's and then especially through the 1950's and the early part of the sixties. In those days, you would have the entire city enraptured with the event and massive crowds would turn up to the MCG whenever they played against each other.

After that, even when one or the other of these two sides was struggling, a Melbourne v. Collingwood game was the town's hottest ticket.

But those days are over now that we have interstate clubs with their funny mascots running around (with more to come) but even then, those people responsible for putting together our schedule of games each season remain fascinated by this particular fixture.

I was also fascinated and eager to know how this year's game was going to unfold in view of the fact that the Dees aren't travelling too well and the Pies have been blitzing it over the past few weeks winning their last two games by an aggregate of 186 points against the 2006 and 2007 premiership sides!

Logic therefore dictates that the Demons are in a spot of bother. After all, they have just lost two great forwards in David Neitz and Russell Robertson who between them have kicked 1030 career goals who have shared the club's goal kicking honours for every season since 2001. Their most creative small forward Aaron Davey is still a week away from playing after suffering a hamstring strain at training recently and their great key forward position hope in Michael Newton struggles with his fitness. They sit in last place on the ladder with just one win and a percentage of just 58.9 after 10 rounds which is their worst percentage at this stage of the season since 1919.

By way of contrast, the Magpies have star quality in form players everywhere on the ground. Alan Didak is the AFL's top kick getter. He's also capable of kicking miracle goals but then so are Daisy Thomas Paul Medhurst and Leon Davis, not to mention the returning Anthony Rocca who faces the game without the prospect of being tagged by his nemesis Benny Holland. It was all so scary that I decided to ditch logic and resort to my trusty old crystal ball but even then I was in for quite a shock.

Indeed, if my interpretation of what I saw inside the magic orb is correct then I have some bad news for Demon fans.

At first, there was not a great deal to see through the foggy maze on the inside but one thing I was able to discern was the outline of a single word hovering above a misty black and white object which resembled some sort of bird, possibly a magpie.

The single word that I saw is somewhat unfamiliar - "spiflocated".

Then, as the contents of my magical orb settled further, I could make out the sight of a devilish object that lay on the ground at the feet of the rampant bird.

It was covered by a garment coloured red, blue and silver.

Anyhow, I had no idea what this word "spiflocated" means so I consulted my dictionary and found the definition, I didn't want to see - to spiflocate means to injure or do something stupid that causes much pain.

Oh Dear!

I do want to remain positive like Melbourne coach and to that end I point to the fact that it was only three rounds back when Hawthorn smashed Collingwood by 65 points while the Demons rushed home against the Dockers in a great come from behind win the next day.

That's football for you. It beats the opera and for mine, it even beats going to the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games. Someone should tell that to The Fonze!

Collingwood by 10 points in a thriller (in my dreams)!