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hardtack

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Posts posted by hardtack

    1 hour ago, rjay said:

    Actually I think Bob does have a connection.

    Pretty sure he was in a band with KB called the Honeymoon.

    The Skyhooks connection is James Gillard, the bass player...originally from WA in a band called Western Flyer then in Mondo Rock.

    Apparently James filled in for Greg Macainsh when he had suffered some injury (I think wrist or hand).

    Ah, I hadn’t realised that Bob was linked (he’s also played with a great little band called Los Romeos Oxidados 😉), and I’d never considered that Greg Macainsh would have sat out injured. Thanks for those snippets!

    • Like 1

    13 minutes ago, DubDee said:

    Even sadder that the AFL makes decisions based on trolls.

    It is, but unfortunately, what choice do they have? It only takes one troll to bring down a person’s self esteem, so when there’s a pile on, I can’t imagine how bad it must be for the targeted individual. Anyway, I suppose that we can live without that stat…the only important thing is that the club keeps across such things.

    • Like 3
    • Thanks 1

    9 minutes ago, rjay said:

    A trivia question '@hardtack '...do you know which member of the Flood played with Skyhooks?

    I didn’t know that any of them did, and none of their names strike a chord (pun unintended) when I think of the Skyhooks. I’m pretty sure that they’re a Sydney based band as as I see them listed in gig guides every now and then, often a pub somewhere around the Lidcombe(?) area.

    The only former Skyhook I know that’s living in Sydney, is Bob Spencer, and he’s got no connection with them at all.

    I hope they do a better job than my medical specialist. I need to have my height and weight checked before they dose me up, and this week they had me at 183cm & 87.5kg…now, the weight I could gladly take, but I’m 188cm for gawd’s sake! As a child I’d been pointed out as being a bit of a shrinking violet, but they made me shorter than my sons!!

    • Like 1
    • Haha 4

    Ok then, possibly the only other joke I can remember…

    Sir Henry Rawlinson is a wealthy businessman courtesy of an inheritance, who has several large operations that he very occasionally deigns to visit, but usually opting to work from the comfort of his sprawling mansion just outside Oxford.

    (none of this has much to do with the joke, I’m just padding it out with useless information…and you ain’t seen nothing yet!).

    Well, on this particular day Sir Henry decided to visit his sock emporium located on Castle Street in the city of Oxford. Now, when Sir Henry visits any of his business premises, he like to start the day with a bubble bath, meticulously prepared by his faithful old retainer, Waddle.

    Sir Henry called out, his booming voice echoing down the corridors, loud enough to wake the ghosts of centuries past. “Waddle!!”, he cries, “Waddle, I’ll be visiting my sock emporium today, so could you please prepare my bath to the usual 74°F (we ARE in Britain, after all), and with a three and three quarter inch layer of jasmine scented foam on top.”.

    As Sir Henry was finishing up his sentence, Waddle arrived, puffing from the effort (he’d been busy preparing Sir Henry’s breakfast at the other end of the mansion), and greeted Sir Henry with an enthusiastic, “Of course sir…as you wish sir!”.

    Today was no ordinary day, as it was Waddle’s birthday; no one really seemed to know how old he was, Waddle himself had lost track…but that is of no consequence to this tale. Sir Henry held a fondness for Waddle, of the kind that a veteran of the Boer War might hold for his old hunting dog, that is on its last legs. “Happy birthday old chap!” he said, in as gentle a voice as he could muster, “After you have finished preparing my bath and breakfast, as a tribute to your passing years, I am awarding you the rest of the morning off!”.

    And so Waddle ran the bath, diligently checking the temperature of the water to ensure that it didn’t exceed the stipulated 74°F, and using a squeegee, levelled the foam on top to the desired depth of three and three quarter inches. He then announced to Sir Henry, “You bath is ready sir, prepared precisely to your specifications, I shall now return to the kitchen and finish preparing your breakfast after which I shall take my leave.”

    Sir Henry thanked Waddle and entered the vast bathroom, removing his scarlett red satin dressing gown and paisley patterned pyjamas (souvenirs from his days with the British Raj).

    As he entered the bath and commenced lowering himself into the temperature perfect water, his corpulent buttocks parting the jasmine scented bubbles, Sir Henry had a sudden urge to pass a copious amount of wind, and as his buttocks came in contact with the water, he let fly with the most enormous fart, a fart that continued as he submerged its source to the point where it came in contact with the bottom of the bath.

    Maybe half a minute had passed when all of a sudden, Waddle burst into the bathroom, a hot-water bottle clasped tightly in his hand, breathing heavily from the effort. Sir Henry, startled by this sudden, unexpected intrusion, blurted out, “Waddle! What in god’s name are you doing, bursting in here uninvited, with a hot-water bottle in your hand?? I thought I’d told you to take the rest of the morning off!”.

    Waddle, looking somewhat bemused, rather sheepishly muttered, “But sir, I distinctly heard you call out, “What about a water bottle Waddle”, and so here I am.”

    boom boom!

    • Haha 6
    • Clap 1

    15 hours ago, Little Goffy said:

    As a recovered public servant, I'm a big fan of jokes slipped under the wire so stuffy serious people don't notice it.

    At the micro scale, a boss of mine in the public-facing private sector always included explicit stipulations about quality and quantity of muffins to be provided at all client-called progress meetings.

    Slightly more forcefully, my dad infamously added the staff who had worked copious unpaid overtime to the 'sponsors' page for a certain peak body's annual report, right next to Linfox and Visy et al.

    But if you ever want to witness an exercise in deadpan humour carried out in full, there is the 1999

    Report to the Minister for Defence on the Collins Class Submarine and related matters

    The utlimate shaggy dog story. Just from recall;

    • the propeller blades were misaligned causing cavitation which in turn caused the defects in the propeller manufacturing to be exposed as sudden potentially catastrophic cracking

    • the propeller shafts were not designed to match the size and RPM of the propellers, so wore out quickly and needed frequent in-port maintenance, dramatically limiting missions range and capabilities.

    • the periscopes were not hydrodynamic and would begin vibrating loudly and potentially breaking if the submarine moved too much while periscopes were in operation

    • the periscope mirrors weren't properly shielded, such that at certain times of day around dawn and dusk the periscope operator could suddenly be hit by a concentrated glare that would leave them blinded for minutes.

    • the hull shape wasn't correctly modelled and had to be modified after construction to prevent the submarine generating a bubble-wake

    • the hull paint/coating wasn't on spec for acoustic dampening

    • the engines were prone to collecting backwash water, radically reducing performance and causing constant loud banging, causing corrosion of parts, emitting fumes, and vibrations damaging parts such as gear trains and pistons.

    • the contracts defining who was responsible for what were hopelessly lacking in details, leading to months of lost time and legal wrangling over almost every issue which came up. Some contractors were released from their contractual quality standards because it was all too much trouble to administer

    • the various offices involved and the key people in the project (Navy/Defence Materiel-DSTO/Australian Submarine Corporation) all developed such an intense hatred and 'trench warfare' culture towards each other that they actively avoided calls and the meetings required to make progress

    • At no time was there enough crew to field any more than three of the six subs, and typically only two

    • but that wasn't particularly relevant because it was unusual for more than half the fleet to be available for service anyway, or even for sea trials in preparation for service, given the continuous maintenance burden

    • the performance limitations and genuine risks of operation at high loads meant that crew training and development was far below the rated expectations for service

    • the computer systems (both software, and, by the time the software was updated, the hardware) which were initially installed were out of date by the time they arrived. The networking was so unreliable that crew were writing down the details from the screen in front of them to pass to the person at the next screen - for example, target information from sonar was no longer accurate by the time the weapons officer's screen refreshed.

    Now, I did say this was a shaggy dog story. So the final punchline is, of course, that after more than a decade of hilarious shemozzle...

    (put on your best Norm MacDonald voice)

    "The Collins class submarines are well designed for Australia's special requirements and have generally been soundly built."

    But hey, at least we got to take delivery. Meanwhile, we outlay billions on subs we’ll probably only take delivery of after they are well and truly redundant, while Trump Class (an oxymoron if ever there was one) battleships are scouring the Gulf of (cough) America, in search of Venezuelans on belly boards after failing to find Greenland.

    • Like 3
    • Angry 1

    ·

    Edited by hardtack

    A joke that I’ve probably told on here before (I don’t have many), but what the hell, I’ll do it again, followed by a Christmas/Easter themed video..

    First, the joke:

    A chap is out walking his dog and is waiting for the traffic lights to change, so they can safely cross. There is another gentleman standing next to them, also waiting to cross, and he couldn’t help but notice the first chap’s dog was sitting there calmly and enthusiastically licking his nether regions.

    To break the ice and to stave off boredom, the gentleman says to the chap with the dog, “Wouldn’t it be great to be able to do that!”, to which the chap with the dog replies, “Well, if you pat him first, he just might let you!”.

    And now for the video:

    • Haha 4
    • Clap 3

    On 23/12/2025 at 09:58, La Dee-vina Comedia said:

    And whoever thought that the colour of sunburnt skin contrasting with yellow was a good choice for the Gold Coast Suns should have their design credentials stripped from them.

    Almost as bad as GWS hijacking the Gatorade colours and motif.

    ·

    Edited by hardtack

    I loved the guernsey they had made for the Shanghai clash against Brisbane. I managed to snag Matt Warnock’s #1 jumper (photos are from Google search) in a club auction. I also loved the green St Pats jumper for the Jim Stynes game… again I snagged one in a club auction, this time it was Liam Jurrah’s!

    IMG_6851.jpeg

    IMG_6852.jpeg

    IMG_6853.webp

    • Like 6
    • Thanks 2

    10 minutes ago, 710 Ashbury St said:

    Congratulations! She’s beautiful. I hope someday I end up with some. My son and his partner are saying they don’t want any, and my daughter is only 18—so I’d prefer that not happen anytime soon 😂. I’d like to be a grandmother—not raise another one. Have a wonderful Christmas with them. This time of year is the only time I wish I was in America in winter. The holidays with my family. But, it’s all good. ❤️

    And the good news for me is that only 1.5 more days until a long weekend. And when I go back to work Monday, lots of people are off so I can actually get work done instead of dealing with 100 questions and countless meetings. 🤦‍♀️

    I was a late starter in the parenting stakes, and used to tell my sons that they were extra blessed, because they got a father AND a grandfather all rolled into one!

    • Like 1
    • Love 4
    • Haha 7

    40 minutes ago, Tarax Club said:

    ‘Ralf and Florian’ Kraftwerk added melodic sound after the earlier experimentalism. Ralf Hutter and Florian Schneider as a duet before the commercialism and haircuts kicked in. Believe it was never re-released on CD. Take it to heaven.

    Neu! the eponymous debut album. Michael Rother and Klaus Dinger post an early Kraftwerk split. Still a great listen half a century after release. Quality earphones recommended or the inner sanctum of your listening room.

    Finally ‘Faust so Far’ . When albums were more than just music. Each track has some accompanying individual artwork inside a black sleeve. I found it rather mysterious and it’s decidedly not for the mainstream listener.

    • Like 2

    2 hours ago, demonzz said:

    That's fine by me, I listen to most types of music, anything from loudon Wainwright to Frank zappa.

    I had a CD that I can no longer find, that was a sampler that included Elvis Costello’s cover of the old Leon Payne song, ‘Psycho’…but it also had a great Loudon Wainwright song called ‘Colors’, the subject matter of it being the different colours of the dogsh!t on the streets of his town.

    • Like 2

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