Little Goffy

Good news everyone! Clarry looks kind of frumpy in the bright orange GWS training bib!

Definitely warrants poking this thread along. ;)

I do appreciate the glorious grammatical clanger in the fantasy write-up section related to him; "...last two years at Melbourne weren't been memorable ones".

The article did make me look at his recent fantasy form, and for all that it is meaningless, it does interest me that in 2025 he had only two individual games which came within 20% of his average fantasy/supercoach output for 2020-23. He's dropped from top-3 fantasy midfielder to the fringe of the top 50.

afl.com.au

On 07/01/2026 at 12:22, Bowserpower said:

Easy there sunshine, I didn't attack you personally so there's no reason for you to.

Appreciate the citations but the problem is that you tend to pass off media as your own facts. It's dangerous because if you're coming across to others as a credible expert but the only sources of your info are media then you may not always be getting reliable information.

A lot of people here admire your input but there are quite a few who are getting a little tired of the high and mighty stuff as well.

Appreciate the chat though.

Yeah, Boweserpower, you absolutely did attack them personally.

The share of population happy to just roll their eyes an keep walking at another round of 'no offence meant but your face looks like a witch cursed you' is shrinking every year.

You'll also want to cut out the facetious and condescending 'appreciate the chat though' right after delivering yet another 'I hear that people think you suck' comment.

Demonland worked hard to lift the standards and doesn't need people going around dropping pebbles in shoes.

@tilly18 has come through overnight for the third prize, which is to have your choice of current Demons (of those eligible for the rising star award) to come to your house and brush the cobwebs off. For a small additional fee your stuff will get too carried away a bit early and all left out on the field.

And the answer to the teaser is, of course, obviously;

All the players received a rising star nomination against the Demons.

As for the dark times and good times? In 2012 an amazing four players earned their Rising Star nomination against us in a single season, with five more coming across '13 and '14. In contrast, in 2021 not a single opposition player earned a rising star nomination against us.

And recalling a classic debate of the MFCSS academy -

Aside from those particularly gruesome years, and oddly enough 2002-3 which saw seven nominations in two seasons, we've been mostly normal for the rate of rising star nominations against us, which statistically should be a bit over 1 per season.

But where we do seem to have an irritating quirk is letting young players break open our defence, with a surprising host of forwards getting their nomination against us, even w Including, since 2020;

Murphy Reid (eventual winner 2025), with 1 goal 2, and 8 score involvements.

Well, at least we weren't the only ones with Reid, but...

Ashton Moir, 4 goals, which is a third of his goal tally from 11 games.

Jye Amiss, 3 goals, and three running bounces if you don't mind.

Logan McDonald, 3 goals (of just 15 for the season) and 9 score involvements.

Jamarra Ugle-Hagan, 5 goals of 18 for the season - for the rest of that season his numbers were Weidemanly.

Izak Rankine, 3 goals 3 behinds, a quarter of his score for the season.

Mitch Georgiades, 3 goals, with his other six games for the season tallying a total of five more.

Justin McInerney, 2 goals, 2 goal assists and 2 contested marks. The first time he registered any of these stats.

You could massively and easily add to the value of this stat by having a cross-reference with how many games the relevant players played in 2025.

For example;

Billings: 172 games total, 1 game in 2025.

Mihocek: 159 and 22.

Still, even then, it isn't all that informative.

I've been away attending to 'baby in a Sydney heatwave' management issues, apologies for the delay. Baby seems content at this time!

Let's be clear on one thing, the quiz is not related to Habsburg inbreeding or anyone else's.

Time for an actually good clue.

All these players have something in their trophy cabinet which connects them to the Melbourne Football Club.

A few may have tossed it out to make room for other, much more impressive, tokens.

No it is not the X series runner up trophy.

17 hours ago, Deeko2 said:

I'll never understand our real desire to select an all rounder. For the minimal overs they bowl, just roll with Head or Marnus. Furthermore, Starc & Cummins chipping in runs covers the need for an all rounder also.

They forever crave the Richie Benaud, Allan Border, Steve Waugh successor.

They continue to demand the form but cannot get the function.

11 hours ago, Go Ds said:

But my cousin, Marylouise is gorgeous! We tried to be abstemious but now we have a little boy, Aurelio, and girl, Sequoia. (And I'm not being facetious.) 🤣🤣🤣

A gorgeous cousin AND you can keep the inheritance safely in the family?

Commendations for a very well-chosen name, Sequoia, for a family tree that is just a big straight line.

Second place has been claimed by @demon-4-life.

Prize is full cover in the event that his home is damaged by players blowing the roof off.

3 hours ago, Go Ds said:

Got it! They've all got an A or E in their name! Can you make my prize out in cash?

Small beans, @Go Ds . You've got to clear the full A.E.I.O.U, the classic Habsburg dynasty latin motto which translates to 'Go big or marry your cousin'.

(Full credit to Useless AFL Stats)

CONGRATULATIONS @Timothy Reddan-A'Blew for adjusting his reticle and pinpointing the answer.

I hope he can rest easy now in the knowledge that his home is fully covered by Little Goffy Insurance Services, with as new replacement on all dwellings reduced to rubble by pre-season training.

Terms and conditions apply. Sometimes at random. Offer excludes ironies such as houses trained down by clubs in rebuild mode.

Meanwhile, @demon-4-life is stalking the same trail as Timothy Reddan-A'Blew followed.

And it is time for a clue!

Those who suffered the worst yet still paid attention to football will have learned the most! A fairweather fan who never knew pain would also never gain wisdom!

Cricket Australia rejecting spin?

Now we've seen everything. (Just a little joke there, see what I did?)

But seriously, not taking the chance to develop our spin bowling options will haunt us. There's going to be a series soon enough where pitches favour spin or simply the opposition batters get their eye in against pace and we'll having nothing else to give.

Let's play the 'media tasks which have been reduced to slop because executives think AI can make a judgement call and now even when a human does it they are expected to half-4rs3 it' game.

May I add a resounding obscene gesture to this thread?

It has taken me... 3 minutes to find the following;

Round 2, 2021 - Oliver, Petracca and Pickett go 3-2-1 for brownlow votes, which might be a little harsh on Steele who was the Saints' leading goalkicker with 3, as well as easily leading their contested possession count with 14 of his total 25, and six tackles.

How could any broadcaster overlook the opportunity to combine showing a new recruit with showing the very peak of the two stars who have just left?

For a more recent runner up -

Round 17, 2023 - Thirty-one disposals, 12 tackles and a goal. On a day where Petracca kicked four straight and Steven May got three brownlow votes!

As requested, I trawled through the options and have found perhaps the most "23rd-playerish" of all possible 23rd players.

We all remember him affectionately but nobody is quite sure why - the great Kepler Bradley.

Meanwhile, poor @Timothy Reddan-A'Blew has drawn a neat circle on the target but not the dot in the middle. Pretty sure the main purpose of these quizzes is a personally vendetta against his sanity.

An early and probably useless clue is that there may be a bit of MFCSS history here. Indeed, my research for the team will throw a little light on the conjecture once the quiz is done.

It is a new year with new beginnings for all. The perfect time to rake over old coals and wonder what could have been? No! Although many fit the category, this is not in fact a team of players that Melbourne coulda shoulda woulda had!

It isn’t even a feline-themed team, despite the heavy supply of Cats, Tigers, Lions and presumably ‘Blues’ is referring to the adorable floofy domestic breed.

A top of the table team for sure, with epic father-sons and some top pick guns, an all-time Rookie list special and also… um… Kurt Tippett? Oh well, you can’t win on every line.

So, what does this high quality team from across the 21st century have in common?

Answers in private messages only, of course.

Winners get free insurance coverage for houses being trained down throughout January.

On 31/12/2025 at 12:34, picket fence said:

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in

Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of

my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following

details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone

on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found

that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be

slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a

barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on

the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and

loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it

tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11

of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at

being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and

forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate

up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now

proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the

fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in

section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my

rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two

knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to

hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the

ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately

50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the

building.In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.

This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several

lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed

to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks

and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks,in

pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and

let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its

journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Yours sincerely

AMBIDEXTROUS WORKER NON ALIGNED

Somewhere out there in the world is a Swedish short film reenacting this joke. Perfectly delivered in deadpan style. Has the guy covered in bandages and splints filling out the form on a typewriter, one-finger typing, mixed with very brief flashback fragments of the events as described.

Saw it back in the days when SBS was in the sweet spot of not so much soccer and being more a genuine source of global and obscure stories, but before it became a campaign content broadcaster.

Gee, there's a lot to choose from. It would be a bit much against the MFCSS requirements to imagine they all go well.

I'll set aside the kids, and think of 'break out season' in terms of a player who had plateaued a bit early in their career and then pushed to a new level later.

Sparrow. A big watch simply to see how he emerges after being sausage-filler behind the Petracca-Oliver midfield steaks.

Chandler. His best runs of form actually put him into the very elite for the complex role of pressure forward and half-forward with two-way responsibility. All he would need to do is sustain it for a season.

Petty. Will surely now be trusted with responsibility in the role he is best suited for. Will finish the year as our primary key defender.

Turner. Part of what I just said about Chandler, part of what I just said about Petty. Will be our No.2 defender by the end of the season while also giving a bit of swing forward once in a while for fun. Potentially more creative and damaging than Petty.

Rivers. I'm less sure about Rivers than some are. I feel like he had opportunity but didn't take it. Well, now he has responsibility, more than just opportunity, so a very interesting one to watch. One of those players who seemed to just a tiny bit short of doing good things, over and over, and just a half second faster initiative and a half step less speed lost to fatigue there will be a totally disproportionate effect on his contribution. (Think Luke Jackson going from negative headlines to full hype again over at Freo - he didn't suddenly go from bad to good, but he improved the fundamentals just enough that his double-grab getting spoiled became a mark, and so on)

Van Rooyen. 40 goals for the season, 2 marks inside 50 and 1.5 contested marks per game. That's all it takes for him to become an absolute core player, and it is only an incremental improvement - similar to what I'm saying about Rivers. Sustain just that level for the future and he finishes his career as the curse-breaking legend of the Demon tall forwards.

14 hours ago, picket fence said:

Gees mate not denigrating fence posters or shearers but maybe he might surprise with life after footy. Apparently family are very good folk, just a pity things didn't work out with his former partner Sophie who was a really good influence. Um yeah I hope he finds fullfilment after footy!

Definitely not denigrating fence posters or shearers! My point is simply that Clayton will be craving the physical demands and there aren't many jobs which put in a more relentless days labour than those. They also have the rhythm of always having the next task in front of you and you keep going until you are done.

In contrast, imagine him in a corporate cubicle farm!

2 hours ago, picket fence said:

In my wildest dreams I could NEVER see Clarry shirking hard work! That in essence wasn't what drove him out. It was Kings wishy washy spin that would see him potentially play a different position and spend time at Casey! I SAY IT AGAIN CLARRY AT CASEY??? BEGGARS BELIEF!

I'll call 'fair play' on your first point there. Once he got into it Clayton lived for the routine of physical training. Catching the 'workout bug' in his late teens was what turned him into one of the all-time single-season draft bolters. I think we would all agree it was only when injury denied him that routine that he really started to struggle.

Post retirement from football he's going to need to be a fence poster or shearer just to keep his mind occupied!

This topic got my attention enough to go digging around, but I've mostly come up with just trivia and curiosities.

Assoc Football has an enormous number of sprint actions, above 50 per game per player. Compared to 10-20 as the best estimate I found for AFL. On the other hand, there's a difference in how sustained those sprints might be. An AFL player's sprints could be over 50m, while that would just look silly on a soccer pitch.

AFL players cover similar or slightly more total distance in a ~120 minute game compared to the 90 minutes of soccer.

The ball is out of play for 1/3rd of the time in an AFL game, and almost half the time in soccer. Resetting field position is also much more demanding in AFL on account of double the total playing field size. (See the new ruck rule, for example)

NFL timekeeping is weird and the rapid set-play and reset structure of the game means almost every play is done at full freshness. Hence the frankly obese but immensely powerful scrimmage line players. There have been rare but genuine NFL games with less than one minute of total time with the ball actually in play!

To round it off, I'll finish with some data I just stumbled across, shared a few years ago by Topend sports.

World Cup players 2018

https://www.topendsports.com/sport/soccer/anthropometry-worldcup2018.htm

AFL Players 2012-2018 https://www.topendsports.com/sport/afl/anthropometry-position.htm

There's some interesting thoughts to brew there, for sure.

As I understand it, the round ball game never really stops. Between Premier, Champions, National representation and a few gap fillers, a top level footballer is more often stuck to choose between competing fixtures than to have time off.

Fortunately for them, soccer has a more narrow range of physical demands, and each individual game isn't anywhere near as taxing as top level Australian football.

17 minutes ago, Demonstone said:

Yes, @Ghostwriter has reaped the rewards for her perseverance and becomes one of the Famous Five.

Matthew 20:16 - "So the last will be first ..."

The solution to the teaser is that the last letter of each player's first name is also the first letter of their surname.

Tom (Thomas) Sims was a naughty ruse. I don't know if it made any difference to people's thinking or not.

The baton has now been passed to @Little Goffy who has his next effort ready to go (or so I am assured).

Oooh, a naughty ruse indeed you cad!

In about four minutes my wife and baby son will come out the arrivals gate after six weeks away, so there will be some delay while airport staff figure out how to restore me from a pile of quivering jelly on the floor.

Did I ever mention I love youse guys? Cos I love youse guys. Even Cranky and Pickett are all right, y'know.

As a recovered public servant, I'm a big fan of jokes slipped under the wire so stuffy serious people don't notice it.

At the micro scale, a boss of mine in the public-facing private sector always included explicit stipulations about quality and quantity of muffins to be provided at all client-called progress meetings.

Slightly more forcefully, my dad infamously added the staff who had worked copious unpaid overtime to the 'sponsors' page for a certain peak body's annual report, right next to Linfox and Visy et al.

But if you ever want to witness an exercise in deadpan humour carried out in full, there is the 1999

Report to the Minister for Defence on the Collins Class Submarine and related matters

The utlimate shaggy dog story. Just from recall;

• the propeller blades were misaligned causing cavitation which in turn caused the defects in the propeller manufacturing to be exposed as sudden potentially catastrophic cracking

• the propeller shafts were not designed to match the size and RPM of the propellers, so wore out quickly and needed frequent in-port maintenance, dramatically limiting missions range and capabilities.

• the periscopes were not hydrodynamic and would begin vibrating loudly and potentially breaking if the submarine moved too much while periscopes were in operation

• the periscope mirrors weren't properly shielded, such that at certain times of day around dawn and dusk the periscope operator could suddenly be hit by a concentrated glare that would leave them blinded for minutes.

• the hull shape wasn't correctly modelled and had to be modified after construction to prevent the submarine generating a bubble-wake

• the hull paint/coating wasn't on spec for acoustic dampening

• the engines were prone to collecting backwash water, radically reducing performance and causing constant loud banging, causing corrosion of parts, emitting fumes, and vibrations damaging parts such as gear trains and pistons.

• the contracts defining who was responsible for what were hopelessly lacking in details, leading to months of lost time and legal wrangling over almost every issue which came up. Some contractors were released from their contractual quality standards because it was all too much trouble to administer

• the various offices involved and the key people in the project (Navy/Defence Materiel-DSTO/Australian Submarine Corporation) all developed such an intense hatred and 'trench warfare' culture towards each other that they actively avoided calls and the meetings required to make progress

• At no time was there enough crew to field any more than three of the six subs, and typically only two

• but that wasn't particularly relevant because it was unusual for more than half the fleet to be available for service anyway, or even for sea trials in preparation for service, given the continuous maintenance burden

• the performance limitations and genuine risks of operation at high loads meant that crew training and development was far below the rated expectations for service

• the computer systems (both software, and, by the time the software was updated, the hardware) which were initially installed were out of date by the time they arrived. The networking was so unreliable that crew were writing down the details from the screen in front of them to pass to the person at the next screen - for example, target information from sonar was no longer accurate by the time the weapons officer's screen refreshed.

Now, I did say this was a shaggy dog story. So the final punchline is, of course, that after more than a decade of hilarious shemozzle...

(put on your best Norm MacDonald voice)

"The Collins class submarines are well designed for Australia's special requirements and have generally been soundly built."

You said reply only in PMs, but didn't say the had to be Australian PMs. So here is my guess;

England has just dropped off the chase for Essendon's claim to worst failure streak in world sport.

This is good news because it makes Essendon look even sillier.

3 minutes ago, Ghostwriter said:

My little grandy found these pom-poms at mine and immediately fell in love with them, to the point where she refused to let go of them. She even napped while holding them. This started off as good news and it still is, to me. To her parents, not so much. 🤭

Until this moment I had no idea you could pluck stawberries out of the face of toddlers.

(I didn't sleep well, okay?)