Whispering_Jack

Yvonne Fein is a playwright and novelist, editor and lecturer. Her writing has appeared in journals and newspapers locally, in the US and the UK. Among her works are the novel, April Fool, published by Hodder, and the play, Celebration of Women. She's also a Demon fan and has penned this essay on following the footy -

JOY OF AN ARMCHAIR AUSSIE RULES FAN by Yvonne Fein

With the advent of laptop computers and the internet, vicarious living of the armchair variety took a great leap forward.

Armchair travellers can now go anywhere in the virtual universe, armchair warriors can fight battles of the future as well as the past and armchair fashionistas can visit the latest haute couture parades as they happen.

No longer do that have to resort to buying ruinously expensive magazines or waiting a whole season for the trends to reach all the way down to the Antipodes.

I confess I have never been a great fan of the armchair mode of experience. I like my travels to be replete with sensory experience, and I have no interest in wars past, present or future, except perhaps with a view towards working out how best to avoid them.

Nor have I ever been a fan of watching fashion. I'm more from the trying-it-on-and-buying-it-whenever-possible school.

I admit, therefore, to a certain amount of surprise, at the immense enjoyment I find myself gleaning from being an armchair Aussie Rules follower.

Although I barrack for Melbourne, I have only ever been to one match. Persuaded to attend by my beloved in our courting days, when he was still trying to find out what really excited me, by half-time we had both worked out that live footy wasn't it.

Nevertheless, these days I will happily join him in front of the telly to watch the final half hour of any given match. Not that I'd ever watch alone. Where’s the fun in that?

One of my chief pleasures is delivering a running commentary on the state of the game and basking in the surprise my beloved unfailingly exhibits at my profound knowledge of tactics and statistics.

(My daughter, who occasionally reads over my shoulder as I write things, generally providing moral and creative encouragement, has just informed me that she's about to expire from acute boredom and is walking way in profound disillusionment. All I can do is continue in the hope that my readers will not be similarly afflicted).

An even greater surprise came to me when I found an even more intense way of enjoying the play. And I use the expression, "the play" advisedly, for it is high drama indeed.

I made this discovery having arrived home one afternoon after driving into Caulfield from one of Melbourne's outer suburbs and realising that for the duration of the entire journey, I'd been listening avidly to a match being called by the ABC’s Radio 774.

Yes, believe it or not, even better than the televisual experience is wireless footy.

The gentlemen who call the game infuse it with a great deal of personal excitement and passion. At slow moments, they exercise a wonderfully laconic wit that seems to me to be quintessentially Australian and, best of all, they know their subject so well - and, I suspect, also have the information of internet statisticians at their fingertips - that they can regale their audience with fascinating snippets of trivia.

Like what happened to Dustin Fletcher in Essendon's clash against West Coast at Subiaco Oval. Or what the penalty was that was given to Alistair Lynch after his fight with Darryl Wakelin during the 2004 Grand Final match?

They can even tell you the name of the Sydney trainer who died due to a heart attack in the final quarter of the Swans match against the Kangaroos.

None of this sounds all that riveting as I type it now, but at the time, I was absolutely captivated by and immersed in this radio world of blokedom.

It was friendly, it was good humoured and even if my time might have been better spent listening to a political digest from the BBC on the ABC's News Radio station, it was surely a victimless crime.

Even this morning, in the aftermath of Geelong's grand final victory, there I was, on the way to my parents' house, tuned into Lindy Burns in conversation with a reporter out at Kardinia Park who was interviewing football tragics queuing up to make sure they got in early to an event no one was sure was actually going to take place.

Would the Geelong team make a morning-after appearance on their home ground? No one knew but they were queuing up just in case.

And I was listening to them giving their reasons. I heard a teacher from the Alice, who had come down for the weekend to see her beloved team take the flag for the first time in 44 years, admitting on air that she had had too much to drink last night.

I heard old men saying it was the best day of their entire lives and I heard young men weeping with joy.

I'm not sure what it means, this vicarious pleasure I take in a game I've never played and only once gone to the MCG to watch.

I don't understand why it fills me with such pleasure or why I feel so entertained when I listen to its aficionados expounding its finer points. Still, there it is.

It's not such an intense experience that I'll miss it in the off season, but maybe that's because I know I'll have many long, lazy summer drive-times to listen to Radio 774’s broadcasting of the cricket.

Bring it on!

THE TRADING CHRONICLES 2007: ZERO HOUR by the Oracle

FATHERS, SONS AND OTHER DISTRACTIONS

"Representatives of the 16 AFL clubs will all meet at Telstra Dome on Monday, 8 October 2007 to discuss their options for the Exchange Period, which concludes at 2.00pm on Friday 12 October 2007.

The clubs will meet from 10.30am-2.45pm at Telstra Dome" - AFL Exchange Period Rules and Regulations.

To observe the opening of trade week is akin to watching grass grow. The usual scenario on this day is that nothing much happens apart from the normal introductory discussions and some huffing and puffing in small doses. Generally, we have to wait until the third day comes along before the first trade is done but most of the action takes place in a whirlwind final half hour on Friday afternoon.

The problem is that every year there are usually one or two big trades going down that require intricate arrangements to be completed between a number of clubs. Until the larger dominoes fall, everything else must wait. As a result, the whole process almost grinds to a halt in the early part of the week, boredom sets in among those who watch the events closely and the action only hots up towards the final day.

Last year the problem was the closing of two separate big deals that involved Jason Akermanis and Peter Everitt respectively. The latter was finalised in the last few minutes before the Friday 2.00 pm deadline.

This year's worry is the possibility that, despite his manager's insistence that it be resolved by tomorrow, the Judd Saga might continue until deep into the week causing everything else to go into lockdown. In the past, player managers have complained that this presents a major barrier to consumating the lesser deals. Some never make it across the line; careers can be made or broken as a result. One of these days the AFL will wake up and do something.

One thing the AFL has done is that it has introduced an interesting adaptation to the father/son rule.

"Any clubs wishing to nominate eligible players as a father/son selection for this year's 2007 NAB AFL Draft must do so by 2.00pm Friday, 5 October 2007.

The bidding meeting for any nominated players will be at 10.00am on Monday, 8 October 2007.

Each other club in the competition has the option to bid, in reverse ladder order, for that nominated player. If a bid is made, the club that nominated the father/son player must use its next available selection if it wishes to retain hold on that player.

If the club nominating the father/son player declines to match the selection nominated, the club with the successful bid must use that selection at the Draft.

Any club that makes a successful bid on a father/son selection is bound to the pick they nominate. If no bid is made by another club, the club that nominated the father/son eligible player will forfeit its last selection in the draft to select the player" - AFL Exchange Period Rules and Regulations.

This year the sons of Ricky Barham (Jaxson to Collingwood), Larry Donohue (Adam to Geelong) and Anthony Daniher (Darcy to Essendon) have nominated under the rule. Previously clubs could use a third-round pick on their father/son selections but now, other clubs can bid for the players.

The new system is obviously in its embryonic stage and we don't yet know how things will pan out when put into practice. The main interest today will centre on Darcy Daniher, a tall key position player who starred for the Calder Cannons in the recent TAC Cup Under 18 Grand Final victory.

Once the father/son issue is out of the way, proceedings will start in earnest. The key rules to note in the trading/drafting process are

• A club may exchange a player or players on its primary list for a player or players on the primary list of another club;

• A club may exchange a player or players on its primary list for the draft selection or draft selections of another club;

• A club may exchange a player or players on its primary list for a combination of a player, players, draft selection or draft selection of another club;

• A club may exchange a draft selection or draft selections for a draft selection or draft selections of another club;

• No more than five players shall be exchanged by any one club.

• No more than three players shall be exchanged by any one club in any one transaction, or series of related or interdependent transactions.

• A club cannot on-trade a player received in any exchange until the following year.

• A club may exchange a draft selection it has received from another club, provided that the selection is not traded directly back to that club.

• Where the exchange of a player(s) and draft selection(s) involves more than two clubs, it is not a requirement that each club involved in the transaction make an exchange between each other.

• Any draft selection received in an exchange does not need to be exercised. However, any club that passes on a draft selection shall be excluded from exercising any remaining selections at that same meeting.

Melbourne's General manager recruiting and list manager Craig Cameron puts his aspirations for the week this way -

"We'll probably have a fairly low key approach and we'll look to trade, but we'll think we can build our team around our 23 and under players. We've still got a number of older players that we think can be really good contributors as well. We'd like to get some more draft picks in if we could – second- or third-round picks – and if we could trade in a player who is in that 23 or under age bracket that helps us in a specific area, then we'd like to do that too. Overall we'd like to get some more picks for November."

That position reflects the fact that Cameron has been building a list over the past four or five drafts and some of the youngsters selected are now closing in on their prime but have yet to reach their peak. At the same time, new coach Dean Bailey, has promised supporters that the emphasis will swing towards development of the club's youth stocks. The introduction of the right chemistry could see a massive improvement among this group as a whole in 2008.

Getting back to the trades and numerous players have already been mentioned in despatches for possible player swaps. Some are named because they happen to be out of contract, others because they may not be wanted by their own clubs or because they are wanted by others. Some are perennials in trade talk while others are speculative at best. Among the names that have come up are -

Adelaide - Matthew Bode, John Hinge, Ben Hudson, Luke Jericho, John Meeson, Luke Perrie.

Brisbane – Jed Adcock, Robert Copeland, Anthony Corrie, Richard Hadley, Beau McDonald, Troy Selwood, Justin Sherman, Cameron Wood,

Carlton – Adam Bentick, Paul Bower, Brendan Fevola, Adam Hartlett, Ryan Jackson, Josh Kennedy, Lance Whitnall.

Collingwood – Chris Bryan, Ben Davies, Alan Didak, Chris Egan, Josh Fraser, Guy Richards.

Essendon – Kepler Bradley, Ricky Dyson, Courtney Johns, Mark Johnson.

Fremantle – Ryley Dunn, Justin Longmuir, Ryan Murphy, Byron Schammer, James Walker, Robert Warnock.

Geelong – Mark Blake, Tim Callan, Steven King, Henry Playfair, Brent Prismall, Kane Tenace.

Hawthorn – Michael Osborne, Mark Williams.

Kangaroos – Leigh Brown, Matt Campbell, Brad Moran, David Trotter, Shannon Watt.

Melbourne – Aaron Davey, Ryan Ferguson, Chris Johnson, Travis Johnstone, Brad Miller.

Port Adelaide – Brad Symes, Damon White.

Richmond – Andrew Krakouer, Richard Tambling.

St. Kilda – Andrew McQualter, Steven Milne, Fergus Watts.

Sydney – Paul Bevan, Darren Jolly, Luke Vogels.

West Coast – Chris Judd, Ben McKinley, Mitch Morton, Mark Nicoski.

Western Bulldogs – Farren Ray, Jordan McMahon, Sam Power, Wayde Skipper.

You can bet that most of these names will come up for discussion during the week along with many others but only a small percentage will change clubs. That's the way of trade week.

Last year, the number of trades done across the board didn't even make double figures. That may have been partly due to the perception that the 2006 draft pool was strong. Conventional wisdom this year is that it's not as deep as last year.

Draft picks are the other bargaining chips of trade week. This is how they line up before the exchange period starts –

Priority –

1 Carlton

Round One:

2 Richmond 3 Carlton 4 Melbourne 5 Western Bulldogs 6 Essendon 7 Fremantle 8 Brisbane 9 St. Kilda 10 Adelaide 11 Sydney 12 Hawthorn 13 West Coast 14 Collingwood 15 Kangaroos 16 Port Adelaide 17 Geelong

Priority -

18 Richmond

Round Two -

19 Richmond 20 Carlton 21 Melbourne 22 Western Bulldogs 23 Essendon 24 Fremantle 25 Brisbane 26 St. Kilda 27 Adelaide 28 Sydney 29 Hawthorn 30 West Coast 31 Collingwood 32 Kangaroos 33 Port Adelaide 34 Geelong

Round Three -

35 Richmond 36 Carlton 37 Melbourne 38 Western Bulldogs 39 Essendon 40 Fremantle 41 Brisbane 42 St. Kilda 43 Adelaide 44 Sydney 45 Hawthorn 46 West Coast 47 Collingwood 48 Kangaroos 49 Port Adelaide 50 Geelong

Round Four -

51 Richmond 52 Carlton 53 Melbourne 54 Western Bulldogs 55 Essendon 56 Fremantle 57 Brisbane 58 St. Kilda 59 Adelaide 60 Sydney 61 Hawthorn 62 West Coast 63 Collingwood 64 Kangaroos 65 Port Adelaide 66 Geelong

Round Five -

67 Richmond 68 Carlton 69 Melbourne 70 Western Bulldogs 71 Essendon 72 Fremantle 73 Brisbane 74 St. Kilda 75 Adelaide 76 Sydney 77 Hawthorn 78 West Coast 79 Collingwood 80 Kangaroos 81 Port Adelaide 82 Geelong

The draft will go to further rounds as required to fulfil each club's quota of players.

And so the week begins ...

pretty fair I would have included Juice in the rising stars though .. A good read

Those who know me would be aware that I'm pretty excited about Michael Newton's freakiness and his potential. That said however, I'm not convinced yet as to whether he's ready to be described as a rising star. Perhaps it's that I'm still trying to keep the lid on.

I'll reserve my judgement until after he's done his next pre-season.

I hate Carlton and the way they do business and I always have.

And just to show how devious and Machieavellian the Blues can be, this is the scheme they appear to be devising in order to prise the so called best footballer in the land away from the Eagles at a discount rather than negotiate honestly and give value to get value -

BLUES TO LOCK OUT EAGLES FOR JUDD

Would they do it?

Would the Tigers be a party to this sort of behaviour?

Would Judd who a month ago was considered to be a person of the highest integrity endorse this sort of a scheme?

Time will tell.

At Melbournefc.com.au

Season in a nutshell: Disappointing. Poor form and one of the hardest hit injury lists resulted in a season to forget.

Because she sure as hell wil never work at 7 or 9

Looks like Judd killed two careers in the one day

Well done, champ

She doesn't need to work for either 7 or 9. She'll be working for Visy packing cardboard boxes on the 3rd Tuesday of every second month between 2.00pm and 2.05pm and be earning plenty. Don't you worry about that!

A wonderful read and a nice optimistic note to finish up on.

Agree that "run and carry" was a bit of a disaster although to their credit, the footy department at least tried something to get us above where we'd been in 2004-2006.

Also thanks for not mentioning you know who in the conclusion.

I was tempted but as you may have read elsewhere I always had some misgivings. Is one individual with a groin problem worth between $7.5 and $9m over 5 years plus the loss of an early draft pick and a couple of your better players? Is it worthwhile to bid away your future and to potentially buy instability at some stage in the future?

I won't say more than that because, as I said above, there are three ways for the club to move forward into 2008 and beyond. None of those involve a quick fix of the sort a lot of our supporters around here wanted. So let's move forward from here onwards.

As a dylan fan i thought that was great - one of the best video clips of all time just made better

Nice stuff from the maestro but if you were truly into his songs you'd realise that he never appealed to those whose lives were based on the accumulation of $'s and the message was therefore wasted on this bloke.

Mike Sheahan says that Collingwood have been in his managers ear for 6 months, so he has come home to be with Collingwood. Sheahan knew something but wasn't letting on, he knew Collingwood were the only ones in this

You're not suggesting that this was engineered well in advance by Collingwood and Judd or his management are you?

Perhaps that might explain why Collingwood seemed so cool about not interviewing Judd until their season was over. You don't usually do that unless you're fairly sure about getting your prey.

I think we might convert this board into "Trades and Drafts" until the new season starts.

But I need the OK from the big bosses

No conversion. Juddmania is over and it's going!

However, a trades and drafts board sound OK to me - what about others?

I'm interested in coaching but isn't the era of us old guys as coaches over? I would have thought it was time for one of those innovative shaven headed younger blokes to take over.

Anyhow, I'll do it if someone can talk Chris Judd or Finks into being my assistant coach. How's that?

On second thoughts I don't need any assistants (apologies to Finks). The team should have enough motivation now.

I'm ordering 22 life sized cut outs of you know who for tackling practice.

Oh ... and could someone please make sure that 6'8" bloke is available to play.

well done, people...

I will be happy to spruik on demonology, mfc, but I don't have any skills as coach...

we may be able to persuade whispering jack...

I'm interested in coaching but isn't the era of us old guys as coaches over? I would have thought it was time for one of those innovative shaven headed younger blokes to take over.

Anyhow, I'll do it if someone can talk Chris Judd or Finks into being my assistant coach. How's that?

a little thing called home ground advantage...Only vic team that has it !!

Well done to the pussies and let's not forget the history behind this win.

Geelong won its first premiership in 1925.

Who won the flag in the year after that?

Before yesterday Geelong won its last premiership in 1963.

Who won the flag in the year after that?

I reckon we are an absolute Monty to win in 2008!!!

You're probably right- I think he's just about invaluable in his current role, but I'd obviously be thrilled (but not surprised) if he eventually developes into a quality CHB, especially considering we really have no other options. I was more just saying that neither Frawley, Whelan or anyone else on our list could remotely take over Rivers' current role in the team if he's part of a Judd trade. To lose him would have a devastating effect on an already shaky defense.

It sounds like you basically agree anyway, but I just figured I'd clarify that Im not trying to sell Rivers short by saying he's "only" a zoning defender.

First things first and let's get Judd's nod that he wants to come to us. If that happens then I'd leave it to the football department to make the right decisions but I'd be surprised if Rivers was a part of any swap. Get him fit and back in top form and he could be our defensive quarterback. In his absence, we're very light on for key defenders that, as we saw today, are so integral if you want your team to be successful.

Personally I thought Johnson would get it.

Thought he had an awesome day out, but so did several other Cats.

But there can only be one winner!

Next year the duo will be RIVERS and JONES!!!

Whispers isn't our own Whispering Jack is he?

Definitely NOT!!!

More like 'Blues getting desperate'

Great idea. Let's appoint a guy as an assistant and bring him halfway across the country just in the hope that he might lure lure Chris Judd into the fold. Never mind if he's up to the job, let's just do it.

Sounds typical crass moneybags Carlton Football Club.

Like the one about Dick Pratt trying to impress the greeny in Judd by hosting Al Gore at Raheen.

An intelligent bloke like Judd would see right through that one.

Haha well, you can check on here to see if it actually happens first. Then you'll know whether to stay up for that single moment of ecstacy. I hate watching this kind of thing myself and plan on going to see a movie. Maybe I'll go and crash condemned 84s date.

Please don't mention that word in the context of this discussion !

Maybe he enjoyed it last time ;o

Perhaps there's a 3 year contract at the finishing line?

They had the feeling he would rather not play for a club that is completely in the spotlight.

Don't anybody tell him about this forum then.

Its Official - will be announced on The Footy Show tonight that Melbourne is the preferred home for Christopher Judd.

It's the players' revue tonight. What's he going to do? Come out in drag wearing a red and blue sequinned number and sing it's a Grand Old Flag or will it be a straight forward announcement?

Taken a pretty average Bendigo team to the finals 2 out of 3 seasons. Although lost a final this year to North Ballarat they shouldn't have [up by 5 goals at 3/4 time only to lose by 6 goals I think]. It probably wasn't the easiest gig, as I doubt the senior Essendon players really looked forward to travelling up to Bendigo in the middle of winter to play.

I am going to give him a chance. I doubt Essendon would go through the process of interviewing all the candidates and narrowing down the list and choosing someone if they didn't think he was the best candidate.

He's the new generation type coach they were looking for but surely they didn't have to go through all the drama and angst with Sheeds. It was badly handled and out of character with the Essendon administration which has been solid for so long. The Matthew Lloyd gaffe about the young West Australians being tradeable showed that. I think there are a few tough years ahead for the Bombers but then again I thought Collingwood and the Kangarood would finish 15 and 16 this year so what would I know?

Some bloke over at 'ology reckons we're home and hosed. Says he knows Judd's Grandmother. *Grain of salt taken*

Still, he's been a member there since 04, and he is sticking around to defend his claims. *Another Grain of salt taken*

There's another story going around that he made a promise to his dying grandmother that he'd play for us.

More "grains of salt"?

THE OFFICIAL LINE

"MELBOURNEfc today confirmed that players Brock McLean and Nathan Carroll had been involved in an altercation in Munich. The players have been cleared of any wrongdoing."

Next!

Seeing that nobody's willing to give it a crack Andy, here's my effort:-

After Lyon's retirement, the number three was put into mothballs for a couple of years until it was claimed by its current holder and a Hollywood acting aspirant in Clint Bizzell. The talented Queenslander from Kedron Grange was recruited by Geelong in the 1995 National Draft, and he crossed over from the Cats after 75 games and 72 goals. The 187 cm 90 kg Bizzell has found his niche in defence with the Demons but his career was hampered by a broken bone his foot which kept him out of AFL contention for all of 2006 and limited him to 10 games in 2007 before retiring at the end of that season with a total of 88 games* at the club.

With Bizzell gone, the Demons were left with a dilemma in terms of the next recipient of the number three jumper. After recruiting Chris Judd, Jonathan Brown and Jimmy Bartel in the trade period at the end of the season they discovered that all three players wanted to wear the same jumper number so it was raffled off to the highest bidder. Judd won a spirited auction with a knockout bid that pushed the club's finances into surplus for the first time in ten years. Bartel was given number 33 as a consolation while Brown settled for 44 and became the club's first Brownlow Medallist to wear that number.

[* could somebody help out with his goal tally please?]