Mazer Rackham

Josh Mahoney: ok, I’m finally ready to sell that car you’ve had your eye on Peter Bell: great! I’ve been hanging out for it. JM: I’m asking $15K PB: I think I can do that. Yeah, alright. JM: come around and we’ll do the paperwork Later… PB: This will be a big hit with the chicks. Here’s your 9K JM: 9K? We agreed 15! PB: Yeah, well, I just spent 6 of it on something else so you have to accept 9 now JM: I can’t sell it for 9 PB: take it or leave it, [censored] JM: will have to leave it. PB: (on twitter) I have pulled out of the deal. The asking price was not possible for me to meet. JM doesn’t negotiate in good faith. I don’t like the way that car handles anyway. And I think it’s got rust.

Very responsible of Ricky to throw mud at Hogan's reputation like this. Wouldn't he have loved it if it had happened to one of his players when he was a (semi) respectable member of society. Hogan and his manager will be over the moon seeing his value on the decline because of this.

There's still a chance. Freo have the weekend to contemplate what they have thrown away. It may heat up again next week. They have cut off their nose to spite their face. When they realise that this has left them with no nose, they will have to look around for a new nose. And we have one who wants to be glued to their face. Any feeling of crawling back with tail between legs is all on them.

Freo think this is a game of Diplomacy (the old board game) where you win by basically threatening and betraying the other players. Maybe Bell has watched too many mafia movies where the tough guy says "my awffer is 10 tousand bucks. An tomorrow it's gonna be 9 tousand. An da day after, 8 tousand." Maybe he thinks that we'll capitulate and just hand over Hogan for nothing.

They're fairly chortling over their amazing negotiating coup at missing out on a guy they desperately need and who wanted to go there. Are convinced they must have dodged a bullet but don't know how or why. Are smugly content that we will have to field this hugely talented player in our team next season. And MFC are now embarking on a massive face saving PR mission. They are like a kid who wanted a fancy bike for Christmas. But got nothing, not even the budget model their parents could actually afford. And are now running around crowing that actually, they wanted a lump of coal and poor old Santa screwed up big time.

Nonsense. The whole football world has known since day 1 that Jesse has had one eye cocked at the WA border. Also that Freo has been whispering sweet nothings in his ear. If he won't commit beyond next year, then the right time to trade him is now while we still get some say in it. We've been good to Jesse and hopefully he will pay us back the right way.

If it's a negotiating tactic, it's the kind you come up with after asking for advice on Yahoo Answers. "I'm chasing a star forward that I desperately need, what should I do?"

Get on the plane. I expect Bell is being roasted by the Freo board right now

Oh come on. Bell will [censored] that up too (if he's still there!! might be coaching Jerramungup by then)

Neale thought Freo were being big hearted and were looking after his interests. Now he realises they struggle to tie their own shoelaces. Lachie, there are phone numbers you can call to help you through this.

Bell thinks he's FBI hostage negotiator quality. But he has no idea. If he did the opposite and simply accepted everyone's first offer no questions asked, he would have completed the deals Freo need and would be lauded as a genius by his supporters right now.

Bell would stand up at 11PM and say "that's it boys, I'm going home" The boys: "You're down 300 bucks. Pay up!" Bell: "Oh no. You only have to pay if you play right to the end. I'm getting out early. That's coz I'm smart." (Bell then cops a beating like MFC and Hogan would like to give him now)

Scenes at Freo headquarters. The President of the Fremantle Football Club: so how did the trade week go, Peter? Peter Bell: great! We showed them east coast guys a thing or two. PoFFC: and how did we go with the Hogan trade? Peter Bell: Ha! Ha! We didn’t get him. PoFFC: Didn’t get him? I thought we were after him? PB: Oh we were, believe me! PoFFC: So what happened? PB: They come up against old “Nails” Bell! PoFFC: I don’t understand. Didn’t they ask a fair price? PB: Oh yes! Very fair. But they come up against a hardarse balls-out negotiator! PoFFC: Hang on. You mean we could have got him? PB: Yep! PoFFC: But we didn’t get him? PB: Nup! PoFFC: How close were we? PB: Close as, mate! All I had to do was stick out me hand and shake! PoFFC: So let me get this clear. We wanted him. PB: Hell yes! PoFFC: They asked a fair price. PB: Yep! PoFFC: But we refused and now we don’t have him. PB: Yep! A few of those east coast boys will be licking their wounds tonight!

If the deal doesn't get done, Bell gets to say "hey guys, we had a once in a generation chance to snaffle a desperately needed key forward, but I let it slip through my fingers because I acted like a [censored]. Can I still get the applause though?" Whereas we get to play this same forward in our side. Bell will come to the table when this possibility is staring him in the face as a reality.

The AFL Integrity Department have charged Freo with bringing the game into disrepute. And the AFL Bad Faith and Bullsh*t Department have given Freo an award for their contribution to bad faith and bullsh*t

In one of history's great coincidences, Nostradamus's nickname was "chookrat".

"That chick in the grass skirt last night was f***in amazing. Wish I'd got her number"

"Wouldn't mind trying the ganja but you dunno who's a cop around here"

"$33 for a carton of Winnie Blue? How long's that been going on??"

They're probably just killing some boredom too. Can't be easy waffling for hour after hour to gin up excitement over a snail race

Sound advice. This is why we need to tell Freo that if Hogan isn't in a Freo jumper on Monday's front page of the Herald Sun, we want THREE first rounders. Then throw the table over and walk out.

More like eyes will roll when absolutely no action is taken

A teleprompter error is what you get when you're too cowardly or too incompetent to blame the intern

If so, it's self inflicted. Be good to yourself. Treat yourself to a break and come back in 10 days and find out what happened, or not. The outcome will be the same regardless of what happens on here, in the papers, on trade radio, etc. Whether you buy in to the nuttiness or not is completely up to you.

Basic operating principal: see above