WAITING FOR JUDDMAN

[Demonland 70,166]

by Randy M.M. Savage

In case you're wondering about my absence over the past 18 months I will explain.

I have been away in the U. S. of A. working in my chosen profession as a scriptwriter for my mentor, Mr. Moore, the man responsible for the award winning documentary "Fahrenheit 9/10/Foxtel" or "How George Bush, Eddie McGuire and the neocons are destroying football."

Strangely enough the last production I worked on in the States was also about football. I co-wrote it with the author of the equally famous Hannabal Lechter series and it's a lovely little movie based loosely on reality about sports fans and their dreams entitled "Waiting for Juddman".

The astute among you would no doubt recognise that the title is a play on the title of Samuel Beckett's "Waiting for Godot." The plots also share enough similarities so that knowledge of Godot will reveal things about Juddman.

Are the rest of you guys still with me?

Waiting for Juddman is a loving parody of professional team sports, about the characters involved; the players, the coaches, the board members, sponsors, the journalists and commentators and most importantly of all – the fans. In many ways then it loosely reflects Beckett's Waiting for Godot.

Set in the fictional town of Melblaine, Victoria, it chronicles the trials and tribulations of a handful of utterly delusional and long suffering supporters of the local team as they prepare to help their club recruit a star footballer in anticipation of the club's 150th anniversary celebration.

The theme of the Sesquicentennial Year is "Red, Blue and Melblaine" and the supporters have high hopes that their club will recruit Chris Juddman, the home town's most celebrated sportsperson back to the club he supported as a child. Juddman is a professional footballer who has been the star player with an interstate club. The problem is that the Melblaine coffers are almost empty and Juddman is not only highly sought after but also the most highly paid performer in the country.

The club's Board decides to put together a major fund raising production using the "Red, Blue and Melblaine" theme and its flamboyant playing list manager is assigned to invite Juddman to town in the hope that the glitz, glamour and sentimentality of the programme will be enough to entice him to sign a contract with the club of his childhood dreams.

The programme itself is designed to relive the history of Melblaine but the production, put together on a shoestring by a group of buffoon supporters, is performed at a standard even poorer than that of the local team. How could it be otherwise when the performers have little talent and go by stange names like Whispering_Jack, Yze_Magic, Rhino Richards, Fan, belzebub59, Madness, Jaded and Clint Bizkit?

Fortunately for the cast and crew Juddman never shows up, because his flight is cancelled due to bad weather. However, a late-arriving audience member is mistaken for Juddman, is convinced to sign a long term contract and is subsequently drafted with selection number 85 in the National Draft. He goes on to become one of the greats of his chosen sport and his name is …

Are you guys still with me?