SCENES FROM THE ROOMS by Whispering Jack

A long time ago I used to get into the Melbourne Clubrooms at the G with a few mates and we were lucky enough to be permitted to nestle under the rubdown tables while the great Norm Smith would deliver his address, mostly in loud, harsh tones that would sometimes reach the hot gospeller's crescendo at the moment just before they would run out to do battle.

Fast forward several decades and the old cramped quarters are gone, the rooms are now spacious and there are rooms off rooms where the players are massaged, where brief messages are delivered and tactics are discussed using whiteboards. There are all manner of persons scurrying around the place, some with GPS machines and the like. Science has taken over. About the only two things that have remained static, as if suspended in time are the ever present smell of linament and the menacing looking doormen who closely inspect you those who enter the door (us little blokes used to sneak in under their radar).

We were there to catch the jumper presentation for Max Gawn as his sponsors but were a trifle late thanks to the 5.19 train arriving at Malvern Station at 5.24.

By the time we made it to the rooms deep under the Ponsford Stand, underwent stringent security checks and uttered the oath of allegiance to all things red and blue, the presentations of #37 to Max and #38 to Jeremy Howe were over. The players were out of sight in the spacious main room of the change area. We met Max's family. They looked anxious and we wished them well before going back upstairs to grab a bite to eat.

There, we watched the game that was being shown on the screens at the ground - the 2004 Elimination Final, which Melbourne lost by 5 points to Essendon after producing a six or seven goal to nil third term to grab the lead at the last break. There was no use for insipid alternate jumpers in those times, just as there is no place for them these days.

I was wondering if I would ever see the Demons produce such a magical quarter like that on the G again and I didn't have to wait long. Then I realised in a poignant moment that this was Troy Broadbridge's last game of football ever, the realisation made a little sadder still with the understanding that he was on his way to being a very good footballer.

We were due to make our way back to the rooms for the warm up at 6.30 and this time, we weren't going to miss out on anything.

6.31 Sam Blease is having kicks with Jordan Gysberts. Tom Scully sits quietly deep in thought on the dressing room floor. I had drawn Gysberts as first goalkicker in a Cheer Squad raffle and I was tempted to ask Jordie to push forward as much as possible in the early stages but then I thought I had better not.

6.33 Nathan Jones is wearing boxing gloves in the colours of the indigenous flag. Another bald bloke comes in and they start sparring. Then they go full on ... bang, bang ... no bruise free stuff here. Please mister, don't knock him out. We have enough out injured as it is!

6.40 Jack Watts and Jack Trengove are having a kick to kick. Beamer's now boxing with the bald bloke and they're going at it hammer and tong. Jonesy is handballing and kicking with Scotty West.

6.42 Max Gawn saunters in and he really is big. I notice there's some strapping on his knee. This proved to be a godsend later in the evening when I was sitting in the gods on Level 4. The strapping came in handy as a point of differentiation of players who all appear like ants when you view the game in the rarified atmosphere above the ground. It's very difficult to distinguish between the numbers 31 and 37 on the backs of player's jumpers from up there!

6.45 Most of the team are in the room. The invited guests are sitting at the back of the room behind bars. I feel like Nelson Mandela on Robin Island.

6.47 They're warming up and the smell of linament pervades the air. Dean Bailey's quietly standing in the background.

6.49 Dan Nicholson is wearing the green vest (again). At this stage you realise that most of the team are fresh faced kids. This is a very, very young team and I'm beginning to regret my very public decision to select the Demons to win over Essendon by a comfortable 21 points. How can a team so youthful be expected to win over a top four contender?

6.51 Liam Jurrah looks graceful even in the warm up. They're swinging their legs. Now moving in circles in a sideways motion.

6.53 It's quiet, a last flourish and the players leave.

6.58 Chris Connolly joins us, gives recognition to former player Michael O'Sullivan who wore # 6 in the 80s and played on a wing. Robbie Flower had the other wing.

7.00 We are taken on a short tour through passageways, past an area where there are rubdown tables and where the smell of linament prevails.

7.04 We are in what I would call "the situation room". There's a large whiteboard on the wall containing the players' names in colour coded groups. They are tonight's match ups. Connolly has already warned us to turn off our mobile phones. No photos and no communication with the outside world. It feels as if we're about to pull off something really earth shattering like capturing and killing Osama bin Laden. No, tonight's task is to beat Essendon. A far more difficult and important assignment.

7.05 Two injured players, Rohan Bail and Luke Tapscott are also with us. They answer questions about how they felt playing in their debut games.

Tappy's first was the drawn game against the Swans, an unreal experience. A Queenslander, Bail made his AFL debut in Round 19 of the 2009 AFL season at Etihad but injured a quadriceps muscle in the warm up. He had one kick and was off after the first minute so his second game early in the following season was really another debut.

The players were asked when they were due to return from injury but I am reminded that we are sworn to secrecy on pain of death about revealing top secret information. If you want to know when Bail and Tapscott are due back then check out the club's injury list on Tuesday or, better still, wait till you see them in action on the ground and you'll know for sure.

7.18 We return to the main change room waiting for the team to do their final thing before running out onto the hallowed turf.

7.21 Now they come in again and there's much more noise. I have a feeling that the lads are "on" tonight.

There's a feeling of purpose about the group and Brad Green, Brent Moloney and Jared Rivers are in there geeing them up. They are among the few playing tonight who are in the zone that you can call "mature footballers". How different things are at other clubs like Geelong and Collingwood!

7.27 We make our way back to the Southern Stand where our seats are waiting above the ozone layer. As we leave the rooms, we notice the forlorn sight of Jack Grimes in moonboots. "All the best mate." He smiles.

The next part of the evening remains a blur but it turned out to be an enjoyable one. Maxy did well. He had a share of the hit outs, got some of the football and began the process of acclimatising to the sport in the best possible way by doing his job as backup ruckman in a winning team.

10.18 They're in the rooms singing "It's a Grand Old Flag" with gusto. The place is wall to wall with people. I'll double up on my winning bet from tonight's game by wagering that there was nowhere near this number here at this same time last week.

10.23 In among the throng, I bump into Neville Jetta Snr. I say he must be proud of his young bloke today. He remembers me from the Demonland/Demonology game in February and says he still feels the soreness of the experience.

10.45 Maxy Gawn's white club away jumper has been drenched with red Powerade. It actually now looks like a half decent away strip. But it's time to go and I never get the chance to congratulate him although I do pass on my best to the folks.

10.55 On the concourse on the way out of the G, I recall the days of old when Smithy used to reign over his champion team in cramped dingy rooms a world away from the facilities at the disposal of today's AFL coaches. In those days, legend has it that they used to turn off the hot water to the showers in the visiting teams' rooms. Maybe next week, we can manufacture a sewer leak in the Collingwood rooms like last year?

SCENES FROM THE ROOMS by Whispering Jack

A long time ago I used to get into the Melbourne Clubrooms at the G with a few mates and we were lucky enough to be permitted to nestle under the rubdown tables while the great Norm Smith would deliver his address, mostly in loud, harsh tones that would sometimes reach the hot gospeller's crescendo at the moment just before they would run out to do battle.

Fast forward several decades and the old cramped quarters are gone, the rooms are now spacious and there are rooms off rooms where the players are massaged, where brief messages are delivered and tactics are discussed using whiteboards. There are all manner of persons scurrying around the place, some with GPS machines and the like. Science has taken over. About the only two things that have remained static, as if suspended in time  are the ever present smell of linament and the menacing looking doormen who closely inspect you those who enter the door (us little blokes used to sneak in under their radar).

We were there to catch the jumper presentation for Max Gawn as his sponsors but were a trifle late thanks to the 5.19 train arriving at Malvern Station at 5.24. 

By the time we made it to the rooms deep under the Ponsford Stand, underwent stringent security checks and uttered the oath of allegiance to all things red and blue, the presentations of #37 to Max and #38 to Jeremy Howe were over. The players were out of sight in the spacious main room of the change area. We met Max's family. They looked anxious and we wished them well before going back upstairs to grab a bite to eat.

There, we watched the game that was being shown on the screens at the ground -  the 2004 Elimination Final, which Melbourne lost by 5 points to Essendon after producing a six or seven goal to nil third term to grab the lead at the last break. There was no use for insipid alternate jumpers in those times, just as there is no place for them these days.

I was wondering if I would ever see the Demons produce such a magical quarter like that on the G again and I didn't have to wait long. Then I realised in a poignant moment that this was Troy Broadbridge's last game of football ever, the realisation made a little sadder still with the understanding that he was on his way to being a very good footballer.

We were due to make our way back to the rooms for the warm up at 6.30 and this time, we weren't going to miss out on anything.

 6.31 Sam Blease is having kicks with Jordan Gysberts. Tom Scully sits quietly deep in thought on the dressing room floor. I had drawn Gysberts as first goalkicker in a Cheer Squad raffle and I was tempted to ask Jordie to push forward as much as possible in the early stages but then I thought I had better not.

6.33 Nathan Jones is wearing boxing gloves in the colours of the indigenous flag. Another bald bloke comes in and they start sparring. Then they go full on ... bang, bang ... no bruise free stuff here. Please mister, don't knock him out. We have enough out injured as it is!

6.40 Jack Watts and Jack Trengove are having a kick to kick. Beamer's now boxing with the bald bloke and they're going at it hammer and tong. Jonesy is handballing and kicking with Scotty West.

6.42 Max Gawn saunters in and he really is big. I notice there's some strapping on his knee. This proved to be a godsend later in the evening when I was sitting in the gods on Level 4. The strapping came in handy as a point of differentiation of players who all appear like ants when you view the game in the rarified atmosphere above the ground. It's very difficult to distinguish between the numbers 31 and 37 on the backs of player's jumpers from up there!

6.45 Most of the team are in the room. The invited guests are sitting at the back of the room behind bars. I feel like Nelson Mandela on Robin Island.

6.47 They're warming up and the smell of linament pervades the air. Dean Bailey's quietly standing in the background. 

6.49 Dan Nicholson is wearing the green vest (again). At this stage you realise that most of the team are fresh faced kids. This is a very, very young team and I'm beginning to regret my very public  decision to select the Demons to win over Essendon by a comfortable  21 points. How can a team so youthful be expected to win over a top four contender?

6.51 Liam Jurrah looks graceful even in the warm up.  They're swinging their legs. Now moving in circles in a sideways motion. 

6.53 It's quiet, a last flourish and the players leave.

6.58 Chris Connolly joins us, gives recognition to former player Michael O'Sullivan who wore # 6 in the 80s and played on a wing. Robbie Flower had the other wing.

7.00  We are taken on a short tour through passageways, past an area where there are rubdown tables and where the smell of linament prevails. 

7.04 We are in what I would call "the situation room". There's a large whiteboard on the wall containing the players' names in colour coded groups. They are tonight's match ups. Connolly has already warned us to turn off our mobile phones. No photos and no communication with the outside world. It feels as if we're about to pull off something really earth shattering like capturing and killing Osama bin Laden. No, tonight's task is to beat Essendon. A far more difficult and important assignment.

7.05 Two injured players, Rohan Bail and Luke Tapscott are also with us. They answer questions about how they felt playing in their debut games. 

Tappy's first was the drawn game against the Swans, an unreal experience. A Queenslander, Bail made his AFL debut in Round 19 of the 2009 AFL season at  Etihad but injured a  quadriceps muscle in the warm up. He had one kick and was off after the first minute so his second game early in the following season was really another debut. 

The players were asked when they were due to return from injury but I am reminded that we are sworn to secrecy on pain of death about revealing top secret information. If you want to know when Bail and Tapscott are due back then check out the club's injury list on Tuesday or, better still, wait till you see them in action on the ground and you'll know for sure.

7.18 We return to the main change room waiting for the team to do their final thing before running out onto the hallowed turf.

7.21 Now they come in again and there's much more noise. I have a feeling that the lads are "on" tonight. 

There's a feeling of purpose about the group and Brad Green, Brent Moloney and Jared Rivers are in there geeing them up. They are among the few playing tonight who are in the zone that you can call "mature footballers". How different things are at other clubs like Geelong and Collingwood!

7.27 We make our way back to the Southern Stand where our seats are waiting above the ozone layer. As we leave the rooms, we notice the forlorn sight of Jack Grimes in moonboots. "All the best mate." He smiles.

The next part of the evening remains a blur but it turned out to be an enjoyable one. Maxy did well. He had a share of the hit outs, got some of the football and began the process of acclimatising to the sport in the best possible way by doing his job as backup ruckman in a winning team.

10.18 They're in the rooms singing "It's a Grand Old Flag" with gusto. The place is wall to wall with people. I'll double up on my winning bet from tonight's game by wagering that there was nowhere near this number here at this same time last week.

10.23 In among the throng, I bump into Neville Jetta Snr. I say he must be proud of his young bloke today. He remembers me from the Demonland/Demonology game in February and says he still feels the soreness of the experience.

10.45 Maxy Gawn's white club away  jumper has been drenched with red Powerade. It actually now looks like a half decent away strip. But it's time to go and I never get the chance to congratulate him although I do pass on my best to the folks.

10.55 On the concourse on the way out of the G, I recall the days of old when Smithy used to reign over his champion team in cramped dingy rooms a world away from the facilities at the disposal of today's AFL coaches. In those days, legend has it that they used to turn off the hot water to the showers in the visiting teams' rooms. Maybe next week, we can manufacture a sewer leak in the Collingwood rooms like last year?

10.23 It was nice seeing you there WJ...