HAMISH AND HAPPINESS

by Bananabender

Moose and I had all the good intentions in the world when we embarked on Thursday monrning on what was to be a leisurely 24 plus hours 1,670 kilometre drive north to watch the Demons take on the Lions at Cazaly Stadium, Cairns on the following evening.

But we never made it.

The reasons for missing our first Melbourne game in tropical far north Queensland were many. Initially, engine trouble with the ute set us back by several hours. During the time the garage was attending to the repairs, Moose got stuck into our supply of frothies and promptly ruled himself out of any possible role as co-driver for the trip. Then the warnings about a looming tropical cyclone were enough to force us to turn back home.

We've experienced tropical cyclones before. Driving rain and roaring winds are not a pleasant mix and you don't want to get slapped in the face by a sheet of flying corrugated iron (or even a cane toad for that matter). The decision not to push on was made a lot easier with the knowledge that we still have the opportunity to watch the Dees play this year in what will be a fair dinkum game for premiership points against St. Kilda in a couple of months time at a venue much closer to home - Carara on the Gold Coast so we ended up back in the flat in suburban Brisbane with two days supply of XXXX watching Phil Hughes and Simon Katich flaying the Protea bowling attack on a flat deck in Durban. And they were carrying out the demolition with more speed and more efficiency than what we were doing with the tinnies!

The problem was the promise made to Demonland of a match report on a game that we never came within 1,500 k's of watching!

We decided to fulfill our obligation by improvising i.e commenting on reports from the media and the internet and providing a story from the viewpoint of long-suffering footy starved fans who at least reside in the same state where the game was played.

The problem was that the first media stories about the game were so Brisbane-centric that it wasn't funny. The Courier Mail (and the Herald Sun) ran a report by Robert Craddock - JARED BRENNAN INJURED IN PRACTICE MATCH.

Bloody hell, I thought Craddock did cricket and judging by this shite he probably should have been at Durban (Moose wanted me to say Lahore or La Whore but please excuse him – he was totally shickered by this stage). Fair dinkum, we double the home team's score (well ... they were a little bit closer to home than we were) and all he can write about is Jared Brennan's injury (a quad strain), Michael Voss' lamentation that his side had played "poorly" and without "intensity" and gave away too many "free kicks" (a time honoured default excuse for losing a game), how young Lions Rich and Redden played well in the conditions and that one J. Brown got through half a game unscathed.

Oh, and yes. The other team that took part was Melbourne.

You call that a match report Craddock?

The AFL's own site was no better and it should therefore not come as a surprise that the website editors decided to retain the author's anonymity - VOSS NOT WORRIED BY HEAVY LOSS TO DEMONS.

This report tells us that Voss isn't panicking about his team's loss (as you wouldn't when you get flogged by the raging favourites for the wooden spoon), that he saw no discernible "gaping holes" in his team's makeup and that the game was played in horrible conditions on account of Tropical Cyclone Hamish (named after the bloke from Melbourne who's supposed to be promoting the Demons?).

Incidentally, to round off his/her/its report, the unnamed journo let slip the fact that Dean Bailey was happy with the performance.

I won't even bother commenting on the effort of Cairns Post reporter Andrew Piva - DEMONS SWOOP ON LIONS LAPSES other than to ask whether the winning side is ever going to get any credit for beating their opposition on the night and noting Moose's astute comment that the word "piva" apparently means "beer" in Polish. (although Moose is of Polish extraction, he could be wrong because he was heavily on the piss beer piva at the time he made the comment).

So my last refuge was the message boards on the Demon supporter sites and, thanks to the hardy efforts of "Junior" who is apparently the offspring of correspondent "faultydet" and who was one of 4,000 spectators who got a thorough drenching at Cazaly Stadium, I can impart some information about the game. Thanks guys.

The conditions were wet and windy ( no surprises there). At times visibility was down to almost zero as the rain sheeted down and Brisbane had first use of the wind. However, Melbourne kicked the first goal through Ricky Petterd before the Lions struck back to take a two point lead into the first break. Nathan Jones and Shane Valenti were prominent early and Jared Rivers was doing some nice things in his comeback game. Jonathan Brown was being well held by the Demon defence.

The Demons struck early in the second term and were never headed from that point onwards. Cameron Bruce was probably the most experienced player in the team in the absence of skipper James McDonald, Matthew Whelan, Brad Green and Paul Wheatley and he starred. The goals were being evenly spread around, the coaches were pleased with the intensity and defensive efforts of the forwards and, after Michael Newton kicked the team's sixth goal, the team was able to take a 22 point lead into the main break.

The only clouds on the horizon at this stage were ... well, the clouds on the horizon and an ankle injury to ruckman/forward Paul Johnson but he must have made a quick recovery because he took the ground again later in the game.

Brisbane was expected to hit back hard after half time but the young Demons were ready for them and, not only matched them goal for goal but also managed to increase the lead with two late quarter goals from Michael Newton. The coaches took time to admonish young 19 year old rookie ruckman Jake Spencer for a couple of unsatisfactory efforts and this should hold him in good stead in the future. He certainly lifted his game in the final quarter so he's learning quickly.

With conditions deteriorating, the Demons were not going to allow a lead of in excess of five goals slip for the second time in a fortnight and they maintained their tight grip in the ensuing slog, keeping the Lions goalless for another quarter and (I don't believe I'm writing this) winning comfortaby by 37 points in a low scoring encounter. Brock McLean was dominant in the middle which is exactly what you would expect of him in those conditions. The return to full fitness of McLean and Rivers will have wide-reaching effects on their team's performance in 2009 and beyond. Let's hope they stay fit from now on!

That's about all there is to report except that Moose and I are happy that the Melbourne injury column from the game was blank, Dean Bailey was happy after the game but thinks there's room for improvement ... oh, and yes. The other team that participated was called Brisbane Lions and their coach, um ... er ... Michael Voss wasn't much concerned that his team suffered a heavy loss.

MELBOURNE 2.1.13 6.3.39 10.3.63 11.7.73

BRISBANE LIONS 2.3.15 2.5.17 4.7.31 4.12.36

Goals

MELBOURNE Newton 3 Dunn Petterd 2 Bruce Jetta Jones Moloney

BRISBANE LIONS Brown Clark Dalziell Hooper

BEST

MELBOURNE Newton Warnock Dunn

BRISBANE LIONS Johnstone Adcock Dalziell

Injuries

MELBOURNE Nil

BRISBANE LIONS J Brennan (quad)

Umpires H Kennedy J Mollison B Ryan

Crowd Approximately 4,000 at Cazaly Stadium Cairns