jshc__

Evidently I didn't make clear enough the absolute devotion and love I have poured into this club throughout my life. To suggest I jump ship is frankly a little insulting, especially to scum like Hawthorn. All I wanted was to lay my despondency on the table, off my chest where it has been building for the last 20 weeks.

Not a strategy I have tried thus far - might have to start

I'm gonna be upfront and say if you're one of the optimists on here, this post isn't for you. Also if you're not into kinda long rambly posts that have strong pessimistic undertones, this post isn't for you. Honestly, I don't think many are going to appreciate this post at all, but I need to vent my frustrations somewhere, and as long time reader of the forum thought it was bout time I joined in! I really think I have had enough from this club. 18 years of support, which I realise pales in comparison to the years of garbage some of you have had to put with, but nevertheless, it has been 18 years of sadness, anger, being mocked at school, but most crucially disappointing, gut-wrenching losses such as today. I thought about listing off a history of the shocking, demoralising losses I have either personally witnessed or simply just remembered as particularly painful, but it really boils down to the fact pouring my heart and soul into this club is no longer worth it. Attending on regular basis with my father from 2007 to 2014 then after that on my own. This year I have attended every game in Victoria bar 2, and I easily think this has been the most torturous year, all the years of drubbings don't compare to the heartache I have gone through (so far) in 2018. I just don't see how it's worth it anymore, the cycle of false hope followed by awful loss that brings all the false hopes back to earth. It's terrible. I'm frustrated towards my mum and sister and it's not fair, but I don't know how to get out of this abusive relationship. It's clear from the mental toughness of the current crop the players will not lead us to the promised land, and maybe if we do have the list to lead us to a flag, we can't seem to get the best 22 on the park at any one time. I at wits end and really wish I could see the future, to know whether this cycle of pain will lead to a flag, or even finals success. ANYTHING. I need assistance on how to get through this because even though I've promised to not watch our final 2 matches, I don't what 2019 will bring. Again I'm incredibly sorry for the rant, needed to finally write my feelings down somewhere.