Mazer Rackham

And sure enough, on SEN ... this shows what amazing integrity he has. What a guy. If only he'd showed such amazing integrity when Dank was handing out his elephant juice, this whole thing might never have occurred. Well done, noble upstanding Jobe! (Not.)

Relax, od. Trump isn't on our list.

Quiet in here today. Did something happen? Is everyone busy buying gold and stocking up on water and tinned food?

"The one year penalty imposed on Whitfield is a strong message from the AFL. Our commitment to a drug free competition means that this six month penalty will be served in competition. For this reason, this two month penalty will be served partly during the off season. It is expected that this two week penalty will send a strong message to any players or clubs who may wish to undermine the AFL's determination to eradicate drugs in sport. Accordingly, Whitfield's suspended two-day penalty has already been served."

Gil has a motivational poster on his office wall with those exact words on it.

Drug charge: mandatory 4 year penalty Disrepute: make up the penalty. Negotiate as required. Now ... which one seems more in line with AFL house philosophy? It seems ASADA have come under the spell of the AFL like every other institution in Oz. This is so obviously a drug related issue. The people who have brought the AFL into disrepute are the execs at AFL house.

Who, the AFL? Agree.

Can you remember the last time a team got increased exposure, sponsorship opportunities, and gate takings from the way the draw is set up? Example: how many Friday night games for Richmond, Carlton and Essendon over the last few years compared to Footscray?

Scene: AFL headquarters. Gil McLaughlin at his desk. He punches some numbers into his phone handset. GM: Mark? Come in here please. The door opens and Mark Evans enters. ME: Yes Gil? GM: These ASADA people are on our arses over this Whitfield thing. They want to see the report from our integrity department. ME: The integrity department? GM: Yes. The integrity department. ME: Right. (pause) The integrity department. GM: Yes. They want to see the report from the integrity department. ME: The report from the integrity department. Right. GM: We do have one, don't we? ME: The integrity department? Yes, of course we do. GM: Hmm. Yes. That's what I thought. ME: It's just that ... um ... GM: What? ME: Well ... do you know who heads it up? GM: Me? ME: Yes. Do you know who heads up the integrity department? GM: Well I thought you knew! ME: Me? GM: Well you're the bloody general manager of the bloody joint. You're the one who should know who's in the bloody integrity department! ME: Me? But they don't even report to me! GM: Well they sure as hell don't report to me! ME: Do they have an office? GM: They must have. When I took over from Vlad he gave me this thing next to the desk. See it? It looks just like a waste paper basket but it's got that sign on it. "Integrity department" it says. Anything for the integrity department, he said, file it in there. Next morning the guys from the integrity department will have taken it away. They do, too. Like clockwork. ME: Ah. Now I understand. GM: Good. So get me the bloody Whitfield report from the integrity department! ME: (thinks) That gives me an idea ... that Malaysian student who cleans the house reckons she's got a PhD in philosophy and ethics ... might be just the ticket ... ME: (aloud) I think I've just remembered where the integrity department is. Coming right up Gil!

They tried that at first. A beautiful Han dynasty porcelain horse's head. Gil was delighted. After that they realised they may have erred. So they've stepped it up a notch. Next will be threatening to drop Gil from the Town & Country polo team.

Look, Gil's under enormous pressure. You know his brother was trampled by a horse? That horse is owned by an Essendon coterie group. It was a warning. Gil knows he could be next, unless ...

In letting it get this far, the AFL have already shown the strength of their moral fibre. One thing that might explain his failure to do so could be that someone at AFL headquarters has told him they'll swing things so he can keep it. However that in turn exposes Jobe's moral fibre ... he shouldn't need to be told by anyone what he should do. There is one course of action. I have heard that athletes competing in Olympic sports here in Oz are stupefied by the entire EFC saga and the non-actions of the AFL. A 16 year old gymnastic had a gold medal stripped for taking two cold tablets. But Jobe can keep his Charlie? The AFL will rightly be a laughing stock.

When the Boston Red Sox won the "world series" in 2004 or whatever it was, after umpteen years of pain and loss, their fans went mad. Some of the non-mad ones decried this, saying "we must be dignified in victory". The hell with that. The incredible things that had happened to their team over the years had earned them the right to go berserk with joy. Look at Chicago right now. Their run of outs was even longer. Mind you, they are also rioting and destroying property, which should not require saying is over the line. I look forward to being able to celebrate with unbridled joy and lack of restraint. We've earned it.

I realise that, Doc. The AFL have become more sophisticated in their maximising of gates/rating. But there was a time not too far distant when they set it up to always have two derbies, etc.

They once tried such a thing. A strict rotating draw, balancing out over 5 years. Very fair. Then they realised that if they did that, there would be some years with only one "derby" in SA/WA. Some years without two "blockbusters" between the "big four" (all currently languishing in the bottom half of the ladder). That games between clubs with low attendances, and interstate clubs playing in Vic/NSW would affect gates and TV ratings, and exec bonuses. That's when the draw became the fix fixture. Doctor! Is there a doctor in the house! This is the AFL fixture. Oh I see now. You were joking of course.

The dorky songs are part the wonderful multifaceted package, fawlty. I've been online forever And I wrote the very worst song I put the words and the parody together I am TF, and I write the songs I write the songs that make the whole world wince I write the songs of drugs and special things I write the songs that make fawltydet cry I write the songs, I write the songs

Every way you look at it, Twitfield and GWS have buggered it up. It all came about because Twitfield took a party drug, and he recalled what happened to those Collingwood players who got done for party drugs which also happened to contain sump oil, dried anchovies and ... performance enhancing drugs. (Two years each.) He got panicky over the thought that his party drug might have had similar gear in it. He/GWS could have: (1) done nothing and sweated it out, hoping ASADA don't come knocking (2) hidden out at Lambert's place without telling ASADA. If ASADA come knocking at his expected location, he's not there! Gosh, what an oversight! Forgot all about it. Gets a strike but not a code violation. (3) gone to ASADA and owned up and probably got a discount for "substantial assistance". (4) owned up to the AFL and get him charged slapped with a warm lettuce leaf under the AFL's anti-drug procedures. ASADA not involved. Instead they hid him with an side serving of text messages saying exactly what was going on and why. And then deleted the messages. And when caught out, came up with the "hell hath no fury" excuse. And then embellished that with a twist of "girlfriend is crazy". (Twitfield made a further mistake in trusting Lambert and Grubby to do the right thing by him. Poor so and so never suspected the actions they would take would land him further in it than ever.) They did everything wrong, regardless of your ethical viewpoint, and as in the Essendon case, it shouldn't have been a problem. Dead and buried with the connivance of the AFL. If wasn't for that damned ASADA being tipped off, they would have gotten away with it too! Meanwhile the AFL is outraged that its good name could be tarnished and has come down on them like a ton of bricks. Their retribution is swift and harsh. They are committed to clean sport. I think they even said so in the papers, so there's your proof.

Gary Ablett Jr, Australia's first playing chaplain. GA: Gather round me, my flock. For you are as lambs unto me. Ye approach this day unto battle against your enemies. Let not your hearts be faint; fear not and do not tremble. Now, I want a good clean game today. Ye shall not blaspheme or use uncouth language. It is written, the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain. And, should one of our opponents commit violence unto thee, turn him the other cheek. For it is written, whosoever shall smite thee-- Player: Ah, Gary. GA: Please, my son. Call me Pastor Gary. Recall when Moses went into battle, a thousand-- Player: (sighs) Right. Pastor Gary. GA: Yes, my son. Player: Pastor Gary. The game's already started and we're 4 goals down. GA: Oh, was that the siren? I thought it was the horn of Gabriel. Fear not. Recall the parable of the three ... My flock. Are ye listening? Recall the-- Guys. Guys! Come back here! I haven't finished! ... oh screw it. [censored] the lot of ye.

Scene: MSAC basketball/volleyball hall Dawes: ... so when your teammate sets the ball for you, I want you to try to catch it. Player: Catch it? Dawes: Yep. Try it now. I'll set it for you ... now try to catch it! (Player catches it) Dawes: No, that's not right. I don't want you to *actually* catch it. Player: I don't get it. Dawes: I want you to *try* to catch it. Player: What? Dawes: Here, I'll show you. Set the ball for me ... and now I *try* to catch it--- (Ball rockets over the net at a sharp downward trajectory, cannons into the ground with a booming sound and bursts open.) Dawes: There. See what happens when you *try* to catch it? Player: Sh!t. This might actually work.

Didn't Neeld say he wanted us to become the club that it was hardest to buy a car from?

Talking around the traps, one of the buzz subjects last season was the exciting brand of footy we play when we're "on". Especially after the Hawthorn win. That really had them sitting up and taking notice. Gave us a lot of credibility. Plus the hype surrounding Hogan. The kind of player people go to watch just because he's playing. Winning in an exciting fashion, as opposed to a Freo or Sydney under Roos fashion, is a crowd puller... of people who wouldn't normally watch the Demons. Go Demons!!!

Good get. Also "gold". Team from "Golden Land" who wear the colour of good fortune. Prosperity + good fortune. It's enough to make you want to go to distant casino.

Ahhhh ... the off season.

In terms of slogging it out through hard times, yes I am. Ablett at the Suns ... so he can't give any more than he has. But somehow he's got a bit more to give to another club. Dawes' on-field challenges have been well covered elsewhere. He's had tough times at MFC. How did he respond? By asking to go back to Collingwood? Or by knuckling down and busting a gut to try to make it?

Integrity would imply him following through on his original promises to build a culture of success and hopefully snare a flag. But it seems that when the going gets tough, the tough get going Ablett wants to go back to his security blanket. "Tall poppy"? No one's bagging his playing ability. He's an out and out superstar. He's had a bad run with injury. Can't be held to fault for that. "Forcing the club's hand"? He has forced their hand. How can they have him as captain now that he's shown he's not committed to the journey? I can't help but compare this to people like Lynden Dunn who have slaved away through dark and hard times. Dawes taking a leap of faith which didn't pay off for him. Matt Jones and other journeymen. Slaving their guts out for a chance at some glory. Gary's really let himself down I think.