Mazer Rackham

OK, I'm a bit behind the times but seeing as you asked so nicely.... I am Jessicus I'm hung like a horse And I can take a one handed grab And kick the goal of course I am Carey I am Brereton and Goodes And if you watch me play the game You can't help but get wood(s) I am flying above the ground Dragging in a screamer With three men hanging on It's not too much To blind turn and slot through my tenth I am number one (wild string section solo here) I am Jessicus I'm a Demon of course I can pull big crowds and chicks With my magnetic force I am Jezza I am Quinlan and Royce Hart and I won't ever leave you No, no, no, no I am Jesse I am Hogan I am an incredible hulk And I can fly above a pack (etc, ad lib and fade out)

I have different word to describe him but the site censor will rub it out.

With Brayshaw out of the picture we'll never again get to see that hilarious clip of Garry Lyon being carried off on a stretcher. My god, what a side splitter. And then we'll never see it repeated. And then we'll never see it repeated a few second after that. And then a few seconds after that. And then a few seconds after that. And then 5 minutes later. And then a few seconds after that. And then a few seconds after that. I'm shaking just thinking about it!!!

Hutchy. The classic hands-it-out-but-can't-take-it rissole who is quick to pounce when he sees a weakness, and clings to it like a dog to a bone, but when the tables are turned, somehow the conversation is immediately steered to something else. Are channel 9 so bereft of ideas and talent that Hutchy seemed like the best choice available? (He asks, knowing the answer before he even types the question.)

Are you guys talking about Brayshaw or Hutchy?

There has been one other constant: The Sports Scientist Went Rogue, thereby protecting the architects of the programme from proper scrutiny. All this recent huffing about Dank and his "appeal", how he is a Villain of the Highest Order, but not one word about those who recruited him and sent him to work. Our dull witted compliant media have fallen in behind the AFL in lockstep. The propaganda offensive has been quite the success. It seems even the participants feel they did nothing wrong and are hard done by. And all along the AFL have not cared about any of what you say, except where it has hurt the bottom line.

I think you want to target your fire a little more acutely, SWYL. Yes, the players were culpable. They were caught and served their time. They will never be able to remove the label of drug cheat. But if you want to fire buckshot over all and sundry, reserve it for the architects of the scheme, and the ones who were going to (literally) profit by it. There has been some price to pay, but by and large they have gotten off very lightly.

On SEN drive home show, Jon Ralph, along with Mark "Mr Perception" Allen and Adam Cooney (enuf said), were tearing strips off Dank. Worst criminal in Oz sport history, etc etc. Even to the point of wishing financial ruin on him. (A tad harsh!) I wanted to ring in ... "so tell me, this Dank must have done something terrible. Something really awful to be the worst villain in Oz sport history. Tell me, what specifically did he do?" I expect they would have backtracked at a million miles an hour. "Oh, we don't really know" ... "He robbed these young men of the prime of their careers, the cad, etc" .... all while avoiding the obvious "he was the technical expert in Oz's greatest doping scandal and injected all those players with multiple PEDs." If Dank is the biggest villain, how did he get that way? Did EFC walk into the rooms one day to find this stranger injecting their players against their wills? Or did someone else ... potentially an even greater villain in sports history ... invite him in and direct him to these deeds? The wilfull blindness makes me shake my head. Is this our great game?

If it's done right there should be a happy ending.

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." "Be comfortable. That's my motto up where I come from. You gonna shack up here? Well, I guess I'm gonna strike you as being the unrefined type, huh?"

The players probably looked at him like they would at any outside expert brought in to the club. Like in school days when a student teacher came in. They'd be snickering behind their hands at his haircut and his car. They'd have no way of working out whether he was a charletan or not. Most likely the question wouldn't even occur to them. I dare say you are somewhat more worldly than a bunch of players who know nothing about anything except footy, cars and Xbox. Now Doc Reid, Bomber, Evans, Robson ... should have smelled the bullsh!t and leapt into action. What an indictment that in their various ways they let it occur.

He's not really contesting it. He thinks he's shoving it up The Man. Like that's some kind of personal victory. The fool doesn't realise that he's wasting his own time and resources as well. Or maybe he doesn't care. Any way you look at it he's a dropkick.

The only smoking gun evidence Dank has would show that the players, the coaches and club all got off very very lightly. Who knows what game he's playing right now but it's guaranteed to end in tears. (His.)

Family emergency. A member of the family is about to be disgraced in an open hearing. I wonder who'll get sick on December 1? Dank had better keep track of how many of his grandmas have expired.

DC, poster of the week, and it's still only Monday!

I still shudder at the thought that he entered the orbit of our football club, however briefly.

I'd rather have a cognac and some mince pies ... hang on, are we talking about things we like, or things we don't like?

Not so sure about that ... he seems to stumble over his thoughts somewhat. and his judgement is questionable (leaving out the obvious) ... that time he slammed the umps and got a fine for instance. Garry is the goods. Says in 5 words what Dermott takes 50 to say. Media work for ex players is easy money. Hallelujah to that.

It shouldn't surprise that a guy who's been handling a footy most of his life would be a good kick. The mystery is when guys get to AFL level and they can't kick with one foot, let alone both feet.

Very apt. Most people you know think that you're crazy! (Jeez I wish picket had posted the Thorpey reference!)

I think we can safely assume that this expert from over the oceans will not appear. Can you imagine the conversation? "I need you to testify on my behalf" "Okayyyyyy .... who will pay my expenses?" "The other side." "Why should they pay for your witness?" "Oh, they will pay ... (manic snicker) ... believe me ... everyone will pay ..." "I heard you're out of money" "I will be rolling in cash soon. After I reveal the truth" "You haven't told the truth to date?" "Of course I have ... at some sportsmen's nights ... but soon I will reveal the truth in the appropriate forum ... and I will be vindicated! A ha ha ha ! A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" click ... buzz ...

Gil's just getting in out front of the PR curve Setting the agenda He's negotiating with ASADA in public But ASADA aren't ... they're wildcards ... Ben McDevitt has a lean and hungry look.

Hogan, hero: loved colleague returns to The Age

Sure, Chris. It "went rogue", did it? I suppose Susan "duped" you? Four years of this has clued us in to all the tricks.

If it's not technically football season then I guess he doesn't need to show up to the club until 4PM on March 25. Or does he have obligations to the club in the weeks and months before then? I imagine your employment is not of the kind where you operate in front of 25,000 - 30,000 people each week, some of whom have your picture on their bedroom wall (god help them). He is known as Clayton Oliver, Melbourne Footballer, even when there are no games of football on. As such he is required to do things that we plebs in "normal" occupations don't have to do. If he doesn't like that, he can always drop back to the DVFL or the VAFA or some other league where he doesn't have these onerous responsibilities (and big pay packet).