INFERNO by Whispering Jack

[Demonland 64,648]

The Demons ventured onto Moorabbin’s RSEA Park on Friday afternoon for their match simulation exercise against St Kilda and predictably managed to comprehensively thrash their undermanned opposition over the four serious periods of play by 16.9.105 to 6.10.46.

Back in the day when they used to call these preseason affairs “practice matches”, it was commonly accepted that you took no notice of the result and instead hoped that the team made a good fist of things while avoiding injury to players. It was a bonus if you uncovered one or two new recruits who can play a bit. 

To that end, it was almost mission accomplished, the exception being a scare involving star defender Jake Lever who might have a recurrence of the injury that kept him in rehab for a few weeks when training resumed after Christmas. 

Otherwise, Melbourne dominated play for most of the game, flexing its midfield muscle with its dominant midfield led by Christian Petracca, Clayton Oliver and Jack Viney strengthened by the addition of Bulldogs recruit Lachie Hunter who looks like being the yin on the wing to the yang of Ed Langdon. 

And then there was the irresistible ruck pairing of Collingwood’s two-time All-Australian Brodie Grundy with six-time All-Australian Max Gawn that will no doubt play havoc with the minds of opposition coaches in 2023. 

The added bonus was young defender Judd McVee from Western Australia who appears to have moved forward in leaps and bounds in the off season and will certainly make a claim for a place in the Demons strong back half this year. 

Tom McDonald is back after his injury woes of last year and Ben Brown looked fit and keen up forward in what will be a stronger attacking combination once Bayley Fritsch returns to the mix. At first sight, the forward connection that went missing late in the last season seems to be back. McDonald showed his versatility going into defence to cover for Lever after the first main break. 

Another danger sign is the extra arrow to Kysaiah Pickett’s bow with a move for more minutes in the midfield. He was his usual hard to pin down self in that role and also produced some blistering runs with the ball that left his opponents gasping for air in the thirty plus degree heat inferno and scored a couple of classy goals as well.

When the first four periods of match simulation came to an end, the main players made their exit off stage and the fans interested enough to stay at the ground were treated to three more periods of junk time by teams comprised of the remainder of the respective lists and a helping of VFL players. 

Those periods were won by the Saints who had more of their seasoned players on the ground and ended in farcical circumstances four minutes early with fill ins doing the umpiring because the real ones called it a day after the sixth period. 

They should have played a separate VFL game altogether if they were really serious about giving their reserves a fair dinkum hit out.

MELBOURNE 3.3.21 8.6.54 10.7.67 16.9.105

ST KILDA 2.1.13 2.3.15 5.8.38 6.10.46 

Goals Petracca 3 Brown Gawn Pickett 2 Chandler Grundy Hunter Langdon McDonald Neal-Bullen Rivers 

Best Hunter Petracca Oliver Viney Pickett Rivers

Full scores including the extra three periods with the balance of team lists and VFL top ups:-

MELBOURNE 3.3.21 8.6.54 10.7.67 16.9.105 17.13.115 19.14.128 20.16.136

ST KILDA 2.1.13 2.3.15 5.8.38 6.10.46 9.12.66 12.14.86 15.17.107

Statistics (from Lampers at bigfooty.com)

Jake Bowey 14 kicks 2 handballs 7 marks 1 score assist 
Angus Brayshaw 13 kicks 3 handballs 9 marks 2 score assists
Ben Brown 7 kicks 2 handballs 6 marks 2 goals 
Kade Chandler 8 kicks 5 handballs 5 marks 1 goal 1 behind 2 score assists 
Max Gawn 10 kicks 6 handballs 7 marks 15 hit outs 2 goals 1 behind, 1 score assist
Brodie Grundy 4 kicks 4 handballs 2 marks 20 hit outs 1 goal
James Harmes 3 kicks 3 handballs
Lachie Hunter 17 kicks 10 handballs 9 marks 1 goal 3 score assists
Ed Langdon 10 kicks 5 handballs 6 marks 1 goal 1 score assist
Jake Lever 6 kicks 3 handballs 4 marks 
Tom McDonald 4 kicks 3 handballs 2 marks 2 hit outs 1 goal 2 behinds
Judd McVee 12 kicks 4 handballs 6 marks
Steven May 19 kicks 2 handballs 5 marks
Alex Neal-Bullen 11 kicks 4 handballs 5 marks 1 goal 1 behind
Clayton Oliver 10 kicks 16 handballs 3 marks 2 score assists 
Christian Petracca 14 kicks 8 handballs 5 marks 3 goals 1 behind 5 score assists
Harry Petty 7 kicks 2 handballs 5 marks 
Kysiaih Pickett 15 kicks 2 handballs 7 marks 2 goals 1 behind 
Trent Rivers 11 kicks 8 handballs 9 marks 1 goal
Charlie Spargo 4 kicks 3 handballs 4 marks 3 score assists
Tom Sparrow 6 kicks 4 handballs 3 marks 2 behinds
Jacob van Rooyen 1 kick 2 handballs
Jack Viney 9 kicks 10 handballs 5 marks 1 score assist