Jump to content

Discussion on recent allegations about the use of illicit drugs in football is forbidden
  • IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

    Posting unsubstantiated rumours on this website is strictly forbidden.

    Demonland has made the difficult decision to not permit this platform to be used to discuss & debate the off-field issues relating to the Melbourne Football Club including matters currently being litigated between the Club & former Board members, board elections, the issue of illicit drugs in footy, the culture at the club & the personal issues & allegations against some of our players & officials ...

    We do not take these issues & this decision lightly & of course we believe that these serious matters affecting the club we love & are so passionate about are worthy of discussion & debate & I wish we could provide a place where these matters can be discussed in a civil & respectful manner.

    However these discussions unfortunately invariably devolve into areas that may be defamatory, libelous, spread unsubstantiated rumours & can effect the mental health of those involved. Even discussion & debate of known facts or media reports can lead to finger pointing, blame & personal attacks.

    The repercussion is that these discussions can open this website, it’s owners & it’s users to legal action & may result in this website being forced to shutdown.

    Our moderating team are all volunteers & cannot moderate the forum 24/7 & as a consequence problematic content that contravenes our rules & standards may go unnoticed for some time before it can be removed.

    We reserve the right to delete posts that offend against our above policy & indeed, to ban posters who are repeat offenders or who breach our code of conduct.

    WE HAVE BUILT A FANTASTIC ONLINE COMMUNITY AT DEMONLAND OVER THE PAST 23 YEARS & WE WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE TO BE ABLE TO DISCUSS THE CLUB WE LOVE & ARE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT.

    Thank you for your continued support & understanding. Go Dees.


Some Filth Humour


wizardinoz

Recommended Posts

Just saw this posted on Facebook & it had me in stitches ?

"Important information for all Collingwood supporters going to the game next Saturday;

Dole payments will be available as cash advances outside gates 4,7 and 8.

A temporary parole office will be set up near gate 3.

An amnesty will be available for stolen vehicles that can be left in the carpark after the game.

A fight will be made available outside the Royal at 7pm.

Free trains will be available from Richmond station assuming you wont have paid for a ticket anyway..."

  • Like 3
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A Collingwood couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father, who comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 minutes ago, Queanbeyan Demon said:

The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed.

Just wondering what counts as a sexy outfit for Collingwood supporters...

Maybe made entirely from scratchie tickets.

Or in the nuddy with just Maccas VIP passes covering the essential areas.

 

At the moment of truth she shrieks out "Nathan! Nathan!" and he screams "Pants! Pants!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Mazer Rackham said:

Just wondering what counts as a sexy outfit for Collingwood supporters...

Maybe made entirely from scratchie tickets.

Or in the nuddy with just Maccas VIP passes covering the essential areas.

 

At the moment of truth she shrieks out "Nathan! Nathan!" and he screams "Pants! Pants!"

Tracky daks and moco's ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Queanbeyan Demon said:

A Collingwood couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father, who comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."

Did she put her false teeth in a glass beside the bed?

Now that would be enticing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.' The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad. Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for Collingwood.

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Collingwood lose a close one and Joffa's heart packs up and next thing you know, he's at the Pearly Gates.

St Peter says, "Sorry, pal. No Collingwood fans allowed in Heaven."

"What!?" says Joffa.

"You heard, no Collingwood fans allowed."

"But ... I've been good! I'm always helping people, doing good deeds and that!"

"Oh yeah. Like what?"

"Well, from me last week's dole cheque, I give $100 to the Salvos."

"Hmmm .... anything else?"

"Well the fortnight before that I give $100 to the African orphans."

"Hmmm .... anything else?"

"And the fortnight before that I give $100 to them people what give the injections to the Aboriginal kiddies."

"All right. I'd better have a word with God. Wait here."

St Peter goes off.

Comes back.

"I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 back, now f*** off!"

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, buck_nekkid said:

What do Collingwood fans use for protection during sex?

Bus Shelters

Damn, I was going to say that. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites


So Eddie McGuire, being a good Irish lad, had on his bucket list a desire to meet the Pope. He heard that you could go to St Peters Square in Rome and on Wednesdays the Pope comes out and mingles, meeting people, chatting with them, blessing them, sometimes arm wrestling them. (OK, not really the last part.)

Eddie gets rigged up in his best suit and gets a good possie. The Pope comes along, shaking hands, blessing, doing Pope-y type stuff and goes right past Eddie. Completely ignores him. Instead goes up to a tramp wearing filthy rags and whispers in his ear.

Afterwards Eddie goes up to the tramp. He says, listen. How about we swap clothes. I'll pay you a thousand bucks!

Tramp says yes so next Wednesday Eddie's there dressed in the rags. The Pope comes out again and he spots Eddie! Comes straight over and whispers in his ear. "I thought I told you to f*** off!"

  • Like 4
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whats black and white and roles in the car park...         Answer  _  a rat  Collingwood supporter and a  Seagull fighting over a chip.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Question : A filth daughter asks her mum how to spell penis. 

Answer  : I wish you'd asked me last night, it was on the tip of my tongue.

Answer: I wish you'd asked me last night, I'm off me t!ts on meth now, I don't know me own f*ckin name!

Answer: watch your language young lady! We call it a pr!ck in this house!

Answer: I dunno but scratch it in the duco of the neighbour's car anyway or you're grounded

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some good ones from "The Punt Road End", the Richmond fan site:

Why can't the police solve murders in Collingwood?
Becasuse the DNA is all the same and there are no dental records.
 
Family of Collingwood supporters head off to do their Christmas Shoplifting.While in Rebel Sports store the son picks up a Tigers jumper & says to his 10year old sister, "Hey sis, I've decided to become a Tigers supporter & want this Richmond jumper for Christmas".His sister is outraged by this & promptly wacks him around the head with her carton of Winfield cigs & says "you loser,go talk to mum".
Off goe's the lad with the Tiger jumper stuffed up his shirt & finds mum.'mum, I wanta be a Tigers supporter & I want this jumper for Christmas".
The mother is outraged at this & throws her moccasins & 1/2 full can of VB at him & says "we are gunna go talk to your father".Off they go to the prison camp during visiting hours,with footy jumper in hand & find Moose, his toothless, tattooed father.
"Dad"
"Yes knackers"
"I've decided to be a Tigers supporter & want this Richmond jumper for Christmas"Moose goe's beserk & gives knackers a back hander & says,"No son of mine is gunna be seen wearing that crap"& then kicks his sons backside from one end of reco room to the other.
1/2 hour later they are heading back home in the old falcon when the mother turns to knackers & says,"Now, have you learnt anything today"
The son says "bloody oath I have".
"Good knackers, what would that be".
The son replies, " I've only been a Tigers supporter for one day & already I hate you Collingwood mongrels". 
 
Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
Centrelink was on the other side

How do you inflict 12 months of acute pain on a Pies supporter?
Buy them a membership for Christmas!

What do u say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
I'll have fries with that thanks

2 Collingwood Supporters in a car without any music, who is driving?
The Policeman

What do you call a 30 yr old woman in a Collingwood jumper?
Nanna

You are trapped in a room with a crocodile, a tiger and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Collingwood fan – Twice


You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front veranda collapses and kills more than five dogs.
 
Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships.
The first says, "My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our s3x life is like one premiership after another."
The second says, "My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98."
They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing.
"What's wrong," they say as their friend starts sobbing. "Well," she says hesitantly, "my husband supports Collingwood, and all he does is sit on the end of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be."
 
A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits.
"How many children do you have?" the man at Centrelink asked.
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?"
"Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn and Jaidyn," she replied.
"They're all named Jaidyn?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."
 
Q. Did you know that the Toothbrush was invented in Collingwood?
A.  if it was invented anywhere else it would be call Teethbrush ;D
 
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Demonland Forums  

  • Match Previews, Reports & Articles  

    GAMEDAY: Rd 03 vs Port Adelaide

    It's Game Day and the Demons begin their 2 week adventure in South Australia tonight when they face the Power from Port at the Adelaide Oval. Both teams will be keen to stamp their early credentials for September in this Top 4 clash on the big stage.

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 1

    DEPTH CHARGE by Whispering Jack

    The jubilation on the coach’s face as he danced a celebratory jig by the playing bench after the final siren sounded to record his team’s four-point victory over the Demons when the teams last met, said it all.    On that rainy Friday night at the Adelaide Oval, Ken Hinkley’s young midfield secured much more than four points on offer. The victory over one of the big dogs of the competition after a succession of wins over some of its lesser lights gave his team respect and validation fo

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 5

    TRAINING: Monday 25th March 2024

    Demonland Trackwatchers Demon Dynasty & Kev Martin were trackside at Gosch's Paddock today to bring you their observations from training. DEMON DYNASTY'S TRAINING OBSERVATIONS Kade Chandler's left knee heavily strapped. BBB, Spargs & Jake Lever also in rehab group. Jake Bowey solo running separate kicking/sprint/agility drills. Super fine morning / early arvo at Gosch's for the boys to blow out some cobwebs. Choco initially had the light duties / rehab group

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Training Reports

    HIBERNATING by KC from Casey

    When they locked up the rooms for summer at the end of last year’s football season, the rooms gathered cobwebs, the atmosphere became dense and the place developed a sleepy feel. They opened up the rooms to let Casey out to play on Sunday but the team was still hibernating and they missed the bulk of the opening quarter. By the time they worked out it was game on, their opponents from Box Hill had accumulated five goals and, if the game wasn’t over, it might as well have been. For a se

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Casey Articles

    A FORK IN THE HAWK by George on the Outer

    For too long in the past, Demon fans became habitually sick and tired of watching the Hawks hand out thrashings to their side. But Melbourne’s empahtic 55-point win at the MCG on Saturday has truly put a fork in the Hawk and turned that history well and truly on its head. The Demons have now won nine of their last ten encounters with the other result, a draw.     And like a fork, it was the multi-pronged options that Melbourne had all across the ground.  It certainly helped that Hawthorn

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Match Reports 8

    PREGAME: Rd 03 vs Port Adelaide

    The Demons head on the road for the next 2 weeks as they travel to Adelaide to play Port on Saturday and then have a 5 Day break before facing the Crows in the Gather Round. With injuries to May and Lever who comes in and who goes out?

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 279

    PODCAST: Rd 02 vs Hawthorn

    The Demonland Podcast will air LIVE on Monday, 25th March @ 8:30pm. Join George, Binman & I as we analyse the Demons victory at the MCG against the Hawks in the Round 02. You questions and comments are a huge part of our podcast so please post anything you want to ask or say below and we'll give you a shout out on the show. If you would like to leave us a voicemail please call 03 9016 3666 and don't worry no body answers so you don't have to talk to a human. Listen & Chat

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 46

    VOTES: Rd 02 vs Hawthorn

    Last week Steven May took the lead in the Demonland Player of the Year Award from Jack Viney. Clayton Oliver & Max Gawn round out the Top 4. Your votes for the win/loss against/to the Hawks. 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 50

    POSTGAME: Rd 02 vs Hawthorn

    The Demons cruised to an easy 55 point win over the Hawks at the MCG but but paid a heavy toll on the injury front with Steven May & Jake Lever possibly sidelined for a number of weeks.

    Demonland
    Demonland |
    Melbourne Demons 363
  • Tell a friend

    Love Demonland? Tell a friend!
  • Podcast 

  • Podcast 

  • Podcast Stream 


    Open Stream in
    New Window
        TuneIn    Opens in New Tab
  • Support Demonland  



  • 2021 Premiership  

  • Social Media 

  • Non MFC Games  

    NON-MFC: Round 03

    Discussion of all the other games that don't involve the Demons in Round 03 ... READ MORE

    Demonland | Round 03

  • Game Day      

    GAMEDAY: Round 03 vs Port Adelaide

    It's Game Day and the Demons begin their 2 week adventure in South Australia tonight when they face the Power from Port at the Adelaide Oval. Both teams will be keen to stamp their early credentials for September in this Top 4 clash on the big stage ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 30

  • Match Preview      

    DEPTH CHARGE by Whispering Jack

    The jubilation on the coach’s face as he danced a celebratory jig by the playing bench after the final siren sounded to record his team’s four-point victory over the Demons when the teams last met, said it all ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 27

  • Latest Podcast      

    PODCAST: Rd 02 vs Hawthorn

    The boys dissected the clinical thrashing of Hawks praising the immense performance of Christian Petracca whilst lamenting the injury toll to our defensive unit ... LISTEN

    Demonland | March 26

  • Training  

    Monday, 25th March 2024

    Demonland Trackwatchers Demon Dynasty & Kev Martin were trackside at Gosch's Paddock today to bring you their observations from training ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 25

  • Casey Report      

    HIBERNATING by KC from Casey

    When they locked up the rooms for summer at the end of last year’s football season, the rooms gathered cobwebs, the atmosphere became dense and the place developed a sleepy feel. They opened up the rooms to let Casey out to play on Sunday but the team was still hibernating and they missed the bulk of the opening quarter ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 25

  • PreGame      

    PREGAME: Rd 03 vs Port Adelaide

    The Demons head out on the road for the next 2 weeks as they travel to Adelaide to play Port on Saturday and then have a 5 Day break before facing the Crows in Gather Round. With injuries to May and Lever who comes in and who goes out? ...READ MORE

    Demonland | March 28

  • Match Report      

    A FORK IN THE HAWK by George on the Outer

    For too long in the past, Demon fans became habitually sick and tired of watching the Hawks hand out thrashings to their side. But Melbourne’s empahtic 55-point win at the MCG on Saturday has truly put a fork in the Hawk and turned that history well and truly on its head ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 23

  • Post Game      

    POSTGAME: Rd 02 vs Hawthorn

    The Demons cruised to an easy 55 point win over the Hawks at the MCG but but paid a heavy toll on the injury front with Steven May & Jake Lever possibly sidelined for a number of weeks ...READ MORE

    Demonland | March 23

  • Votes      

    VOTES: Rd 02 vs Hawthorn

    Last week Steven May took the lead in the Demonland Player of the Year Award from Jack Viney. Clayton Oliver & Max Gawn round out the Top 4. Your votes for the win/loss against/to the Hawks. 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ...READ MORE

    Demonland | March 23

  • Training  

    Friday, 22nd March 2024

    Demonland Trackwatcher Kev Martin and I attended the Captain's Run at Gosch's Paddock on this lovely sunny morning to bring you the following observations from the training session ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 22

  • Training  

    Tuesday, 19th March 2024

    Demonland Trackwatchers Kev Martin & Walking Civil War attended Tuesday morning's training session at Gosch's Paddock to bring you the following observations ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 19

  • Training  

    Saturday, 16th March 2024

    Demonland Trackwatchers Kev Martin and Dee Zephyr wandered down to Gosch's Paddock on Saturday morning to bring you their observations from the Captain's Run in the lead up to Sunday's Round One match against the Bulldogs ... READ MORE

    Demonland | March 16

  • Farewell  

    Angus Brayshaw Retires

    After 167 games including the drought breaking Premiership Angus Brayshaw has made the heart breaking decision to medically retire from football as a result of a series of serious head knocks over his nearly decade of footy. We wish Gus all the best and he'll always be a hero at Demonland ... READ MORE

    Demonland | February 22

  • Latest Podcast  

    PODCAST: Koltyn Tholstrup Interview

    I interview the Melbourne Football Club’s newest recruit Koltyn Tholstrup to have a chat about his journey from the farm to the Demons, his first few weeks of preseason training, which Dees have impressed him on the track and his aspirations of playing Round 1 ... LISTEN

    Demonland | December 14

  • Latest Podcast  

    PODCAST: Jason Taylor Interview

    I interview the Melbourne Football Club's National Recruitment Manager Jason Taylor to have a chat about our Trade and Draft period, our newest recruits, our recent recruits who have yet to debut as well as those father son prospects on the horizon ... LISTEN

    Demonland | November 27

  • Next Match 

    .

    Round 03

       vs   

    Saturday 30th March 2024
    @ 07:30pm (AO)

  • MFC Forum  

  • Match Previews & Reports  

  • Training Forum  

  • AFLW Forum  

  • 2024 Player Sponsorship

  • Topics

  • Injury List  


      PLAYER INJURY LENGTH
    Jake Lever Knee Test
    Clayton Oliver Hand Test
    Oliver Sestan Concussion Test
    Steven May Ribs 1 Week
    Lachie Hunter Calf 1 Week
    Daniel Turner Hip 2-3 Weeks
    Charlie Spargo Achilles 2-4 Weeks
    Shane McAdam Hamstring 3-5 Weeks
    Jake Bowey Shoulder 7 Weeks
    Jake Melksham ACL 12-14 Weeks
    Joel Smith Suspension TBA

  • Player of the Year  


        PLAYER VOTES
    1 Christian Petracca 27
    2 Steven May 25
    3 Max Gawn 21
    4 Jack Viney 20
    5 Bayley Fritsch 19
    6 Clayton Oliver 18
    7 Christian Salem 12
    8 Blake Howes 11
    9 Jack Billings 10
    9 Alex Neal-Bullen 10

        FULL TABLE
  • Demonland Interviews 



  • Upcoming Events 

×
×
  • Create New...