The No T$ No B$ Thread

[Neil Crompton 4,716]

17 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

It's not exactly party time at the moment Red.

Well at least that brought a smile to the dial.

[beelzebub 22,225]

12 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

It's not exactly party time at the moment Red.

I dunno BBO   ....all one needs to do is stop taking the Dees seriously... I mean....look at the bunch of clowns running the footy...and in reality it is just one long party party  PARTY !!!  Life becomes so much more enjoyable the moment you realise it's all a farce

Edited July 4, 2019 by beelzebub

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

4 hours ago, beelzebub said:

I dunno BBO   ....all one needs to do is stop taking the Dees seriously... I mean....look at the bunch of clowns running the footy...and in reality it is just one long party party  PARTY !!!  Life becomes so much more enjoyable the moment you realise it's all a farce

I find it simpler to give up such philosophising bb and just slurp more booze

[Redleg 37,556]

1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

I find it simpler to give up such philosophising bb and just slurp more booze

Banana Dacquiri?

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

8 minutes ago, Redleg said:

Banana Dacquiri?

Grape Dacquiri would be a more accurate description Red.

[Redleg 37,556]

3 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

Grape Dacquiri would be a more accurate description Red.

Do you prefer the red or green/white grapes, or does it not matter, as long as they are in liquid form?

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

5 minutes ago, Redleg said:

Do you prefer the red or green/white grapes, or does it not matter, as long as they are in liquid form?

My needs are simple ( when quenching the thirst anyway).

Red, plentiful and preferably at someone else's expense.

[Kent 2,581]

On 6/28/2019 at 2:01 PM, Redleg said:

Concave or convex?

Hard to tell with a banana Top or bottom

 

 

[Redleg 37,556]

5 hours ago, Kent said:

Hard to tell with a banana Top or bottom

 

 

With peel or without?

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

I was just doing some research and stumbled across the following. Oddly enough it wasn't a porn site.

Anyway, I knew WJ and Red would appreciate my posting them.

Joke 1:

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

Joke 2:

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Joke 3:

One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

Joke 4:

As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

Joke 5:

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Joke 6:

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are fantasy creatures.

Joke 7:

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."

Joke 8:

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller.

Joke 9:

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.

At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"

His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"

Joke 10:

How many lawyer jokes are in existence?

 

Only three. All the rest are true stories.

[leave it to deever 15,317]

On 4/28/2016 at 7:36 PM, Red and Bluebeard said:

Time to DIY, Redleg. We have a milkshake maker that someone gave the kids a while back --- like one of the old style ones with the metal cup that gets put around a central pole that whizzes it up. Get one of thosThe, your own supply of bananas, and you are away. On the latter, I am sure that Earl could supply them, with his contacts in parts tropical and his warehouse full of cigars and guava paste ... 

The season has come to this.

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

36 minutes ago, leave it to deever said:

The season has come to this.

Sadly …………………………………..  yes!

[Moonshadow 16,162]

Was this a relo of yours @Bitter but optimistic?

Edited July 8, 2019 by Moonshadow

[beelzebub 22,225]

On 7/5/2019 at 5:19 PM, Redleg said:

With peel or without?

In your case with...hard to imagine you without an a-peel  ??

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

31 minutes ago, Moonshadow said:

Was this a relo of yours @Bitter but optimistic?

No, not a relo Moonie but seems as though he would have been a jolly fine chap. 

I'm sure he would have been a big hit at The Manor.

[Redleg 37,556]

1

Edited July 8, 2019 by Redleg

[Moonshadow 16,162]

6 hours ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

No, not a relo Moonie but seems as though he would have been a jolly fine chap. 

I'm sure he would have been a big hit at The Manor.

Good advice for all of us, nonetheless. 

[Redleg 37,556]

6 hours ago, Moonshadow said:

Was this a relo of yours @Bitter but optimistic?

Must be the guy who invented the ladies slim maker garment.

 

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[Redleg 37,556]

Everybody seems pretty upbeat on DL this week. 

Gill's Coaches' dinner must have gone off well then.

[daisycutter 28,485]

2 hours ago, Redleg said:

Everybody seems pretty upbeat on DL this week. 

Gill's Coaches' dinner must have gone off well then.

if gil wants to get real state of the nation afl feedback, then he should invite the demonland illuminati around for dinner. it might be too much of shock for him, but

[beelzebub 22,225]

9 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

if gil wants to get real state of the nation afl feedback, then he should invite the demonland illuminati around for dinner. it might be too much of shock for him, but

Date, time and venue ? ??

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

14 minutes ago, daisycutter said:

if gil wants to get real state of the nation afl feedback, then he should invite the demonland illuminati around for dinner. it might be too much of shock for him, but

 

4 minutes ago, beelzebub said:

Date, time and venue ? ??

Maybe “ downstairs “ at The Manor would be appropriate 

BYO of course 

[beelzebub 22,225]

19 minutes ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

 

Maybe “ downstairs “ at The Manor would be appropriate 

BYO of course 

You're  so cheap lol

[Bitter but optimistic 21,235]

19 minutes ago, beelzebub said:

You're  so cheap lol

Don’t say that until you see the quality of the booze that the lawyers come up with

[Moonshadow 16,162]

1 hour ago, Bitter but optimistic said:

 

Maybe “ downstairs “ at The Manor would be appropriate 

BYO of course 

"Downstairs" = dungeon.

Be afraid, be very afraid.