From Puntroadend.com.......adjust each joke as required:
Just to lightening the mood.
An Essendon fan, a Collingwood fan and a Richmond fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere
possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said, "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to grant each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Essendon fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Essendon fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Collingwood fan was next up (he had almost finished an entire six pack by himself), and after watching the scene, said "Alright! Please fix two pillows on my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending
the Collingwood fan out crying like a little girl.
The Richmond fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said, "You support the greatest team in the world, your supporters are some of the best and most loyal fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Royal Highness," the Richmond fan replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes".
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh says with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And, your second wish....what is it to be?"
"Tie the Collingwood fan to my back."
How do you know you are a Collingwood supporter:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: "Hey, watch this...."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: "Carn the Pies."
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
For more....they have 12 pages worth....go to
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