[Demonland]

by The Oracle

Thank god it's February!

The tennis is over and most of the big cricket is behind us. The round ball game is in the final throes of another lacklustre season and somewhere on the other side of the Pacific the guys with no necks are gearing up for the Superbowl. That warm feeling's in the air - the footy's coming!

I saw the Bombers going hard at it in an intraclub game at Shepparton the other night as the mercury nudged the mid to high thirties and a few others followed suit during the week. I know it's all madness at this time of the year but in a world of earthquakes, panty bombers and Tiger Woods running rampant in the hen house, the return of our game brings some much welcome relief.

Some of that relief is quite comical. Apparently, Carlton cancelled its practice match at Vizy Park because of the wet conditions (only 13mm of rain fell?) and the fact that a few of the players had a touch of the sniffles on Friday morning. Of course, the booze bus parked ominously outside the ground in Royal Parade had nothing to do with it. I'm prepared to cut them some slack on this because I have such a generous heart and I feel good - the footy's coming!

Well, I hope it's coming but every time I open up the newspaper, I read about an AFL player charged with trafficking, another being investigated for possible rape and a young kid with just a year's experience behind him involved in an alleged assault while drunk of a taxi driver. One who has yet to make his debut will also face trial for assault later this year. Then there was that full boatload of boozed up footballers tripping up the Yarra with one of their number being force-fed a skinful of grog while in chains.

I can't figure out how Vlad and his henchpersons at AFL HQ omitted to act on the Casboult handcuffing incident but I'm prepared to cut them some slack on this
because I have such a generous heart and I feel good and - yes, the footy's coming!

Vlad must be wondering what in hell's name is going on and I'm sure he must break out into a cold sweat every time he picks up his morning paper. I must confess that I also shiver at the thought that one day I might open up the Herald Sun and see pictures of one of my favourite Demons being dragged away in handcuffs to some police lock up but I know my boys. I saw most of them at the Members Information Night. They're professionals. Wholesome types who would never get into trouble, would they? Besides, you don't get locked up these days when you get a parking ticket. Surely?

And they're not like those other blokes. Most of those miscreants I mentioned earlier are yet to see their days in court so for the time being each of them is an innocent man and I won't comment directly on their stupidity or their alleged transgressions. However, I will say that collectively they're all a bunch of idiots who have not only damaged themselves and other people, but they have also damaged the game and turned the past few months into in football's horror summer.

That's why I can't wait for next week to come around when the Demons play their first intraclub practice match at Casey Fields and when we finally see them kicking and handballing, saving and scoring goals. That warm feeling's in the air - the footy's coming!